The Bird

We are the proud owners of a barn swallow nest (including the momma, pappa and baby birds) which rests serenely on our front porch up in the top corner of an archway. They chose to make our home their home last year....and we couldn't be more thrilled. We learned so much from watching them. And the fun thing is, they return to the same nest year after year.

So when our little bird family arrived this spring, we were filled with anticipation of how many eggs there might be and excited to watch the mommy and daddy birds feeding the baby chicks. I never imagined this would be a science experiment gone bad.

Today, as I was walking back inside through the front porch, I happened to look down and notice the huge white mess that is the side effect of lodging birds throughout the spring. I was going to remind the kids to spray off the porch when I noticed a slightly larger mass in the middle of the mess. I gasped. Upon hearing such a noise from their mother, the kids (as well as the neighbor kids) all ran in my direction.

To my horror, there lay a tiny, helpless chick on the ground - evidently pushed out by it's nest mates. The kids were full of questions and being the n0n-biologist that I am, I had very few answers. Everyone had some sort of suggestion, "Let's put it back in the nest....Let's make a nest for it and nurse it until it grows strong and can fly...Let's examine it."

What was I to do? It appeared to be dead, but upon closer examination by all 5 children, they noticed the slightest bit of movement and all declared together, "It's alive!" and jointly turned their heads to me to find out what wisdom I was going to dole out.

How does one nicely say, "this adorable, little, fuzzy, blind creature was most likely pushed out of his cozy and perhaps slightly too small nest by his greedy, hungry nest-mates while reaching for food and the mommy and daddy bird will do nothing at all to save the poor chick and chalk it up as a loss and one less mouth to feed - so goes the cycle of life. And we can do nothing about it. If we interfere, the mommy and daddy will abandon the rest of the chicks too."

I felt like Scrooge. I felt like I was teaching them the cruel, cold, hard facts of life before they were able to wrap their little minds around this awful concept. My advice...leave it be, this was just the cycle of life. The collective sigh could be heard through-out the neighborhood.

Then I got bombarded with the "whys". "Why can't we put him back in his nest? Why can't we feed it and watch it grow? Why did he try to fly out? Why won't the mommy bird come take care of it? Why isn't there anything we can do?" I wasn't prepared to teach these lessons today.

Thankfully, Gavin came up with the most compassionate solution, "Let's bury it" he said. Why didn't I think of that? Then everyone moved into action. We found a nice burial site out in the back yard. Some dug with shovels, others with their hands. Some helped me find something to pick it up with (which totally grossed me out!) and other's were thinking of cleanliness and safety and got the hose to wash off the porch with. We were an efficient and compassionate burial team.

We gave our regards to the poor bird, talked some more about the cycle of life, especially in the wild and felt better that the poor thing could 'decompose properly under the dirt' (Gavin's terminology - of course he was only thinking of practicality) and not be left as food for some wild animal (like we have any in our little suburban neighborhood).

This begs one question...is one ever ready to bury a bird? Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do, whether it's in your job description or not.

Nature is a great teacher. We can learn much by watching, listening and respecting it.

14 May 2008 Share a thought? see all 0 comments

Happy Mother's Day

Hi. This is actually Chuck, Cori's husband. She's asleep right now and doesn't know I'm messing with her blog. This will be the first, and hopefully only, story written on Mommy Stories by the Daddy.

If you're reading this, you've probably enjoyed the hundreds of stories told here by Cori. Most of you have probably never met her. A few of you know Cori, but I wish you could know her like I do. In this space, she writes stories of her own inadequateness, foibles and failures all the while making us laugh with her signature self-deprecating style.

While all the stories are true, no one is harder on Cori than herself. That's one of the things I love about her. Her humility, flexibility and teachability when it comes to being a Mommy is to be admired.

Ever since I've know Cori, she has wanted to be a Mommy. I distinctly remember her telling me once long ago when we were in junior high that when she grew up she wanted to get married and be a mommy. I remember thinking, "yeah, you'd be a good mom". Wow, was that an understatement! Cori is a great mommy!

Some people were born to be engineers, pilots or veterinarians. Well, Cori was born to be a mommy. I will never forget the first few days after we brought our oldest son home from the hospital after he was born. I felt completely clueless, but it was like she had been a mommy for years. I remember wondering, "how does she know all this stuff?!" She's a natural, plain and simple.

She effortlessly balances all the roles of "motherhood". Encourager, nurturer, teacher, nurse, mediator, short order cook, house maid, intercessor, playmate and referee. All of those just about every day. She does get tired and she does get frustrated sometimes. But there's nothing at all she'd rather be doing. I admire her so much. I wish I could be more like her.

I tell her all the time that she is the perfect mom. The perfect mommy for our kids. She is the exact mommy that they need. I believe God gives us children as a gift and that we have a tremendous responsibility to love them, teach them, protect them, provide for them and help them become better than ourselves. Cori does just that everyday and I think - no, I know - she is doing an outstanding job.

Let me tell you why I think she's the best mom this side of everyone. I can sum it up in one quality that sometimes still boggles my mind: sacrificial love.

She always, and I mean ALWAYS puts the needs of our kids above her own needs, even if that means she is inconvenienced or is put into a situation less comfortable for her. The consistency she shows when it comes to this is amazing. She has taught me so much since she became a mommy and I am a better dad and a better person for having the privilege of serving next to her for the past 9 years.

And I just wanted to thank her, publicly, for all of her hard work, all of the energy and tears she has spent over the years on being the best mommy she could be - not to get praise or thanks, but to better our kids. Everything she does is for them. I am extremely thankful for the model of love and vigilance and service that she shows our children and I love her more than she'll ever know.

Now, she will deny all this and claim I am making it all up and that I am just biased, so of course I would think good things about her. Don't listen to her. Remember, she is her own worst critic, so take any of her self-loathing with a grain of salt. I will probably spend most of the day tomorrow trying to make sure she doesn't delete this post. :)

Happy Mother's Day!
/cm

10 May 2008 Share a thought? see all 5 comments

First Things First

I've been in a funk lately. Overwhelmed with many, many things. I found myself losing the joy in life, the joy in my children, the joy that used to come in just waking up to a brand, new day. I've let that joy be replaced with anxious thoughts, doubt, self-loathing, questions too numerous to expound on, and fear.

It takes me a while to figure it out since I'm not very good at seeing the forest from the trees...but it finally dawned on me: No wonder you're so overwhelmed, Cori, you stopped trusting God and started trusting in your own strength. You should be worried! You're not strong enough to carry these burdens. In other words...I lost my focus. It was clearly on me. I hate it when I do that. Somebody slap me in the face - please!

A few weeks ago, right at the height of all my fears, we took a field trip to a nursing home. I didn't want to go. I wanted to sit and sulk and continue to justify my stupidity and my anxieties. But God had different plans for that day. It was to be the day He would gently start shifting my focus back to Him in the most subtle, beautiful of ways.

We had brought flowers to pass out at the nursing home and were going door to door talking with each resident. It was very hard. I have a huge heart for the elderly and that lump in my throat that has been my constant companion of late, was not helping the situation. I was grieving over these poor people left to live out the last of their days in boredom, loneliness and isolation. My heart hurt for them and it was all I could do to talk and choke back my tears. That is, until we met Lucille.

Lucille's room was the last one on the hall. The kids and I walk in to give her the flowers and she is just so kind and gracious and sharp as a tack. All she wanted to do was talk, ask us questions, and tell us about her life. We (me more than the kids) were loving every minute of it. Listening to her life was like reading a history book. She told me how she raised 10 kids on a farm not far from here, that she now has 22 grandkids, 20+ great grandkids and 2 great-great grandchildren. The question I asked next popped into my head and out of my mouth before I had time to think about it.

"What parenting advice could you give to me, Miss Lucille?" I needed to know. Here she was happy and content despite her circumstances. A mother of 10 certainly must have plenty of advice to pass along. If she didn't seemed the least bit overwhelmed with 10, why should I fret about 3? This is the wisdom she gave me, "First things first, Honey."

My eyes teared up, I got the chills and I swallowed real hard to push that lump back down my throat so I could thank her from the bottom of my heart without crying. My spirit instantly knew what she meant...however, it took a while to reach my brain.

Why do I always try to make things more difficult than they really are? Life, parenting, marriage, (insert any topic) really is very simple...all you have to do is put first things first. To me that means doing all I do out of love for those I love and for God. I'm putting myself first when I spend all my time obsessing over every worry, fear and decision - my mind is solely on me and I have been totally neutralized. I'm no good to anyone around me because my eyes are on me and my problems - I can't even see anyone else's needs (especially my chilrens) Put love first and the everything else just seems to work itself out. Love eliminates fear, worry, doubt, and conflict. I just have to learn to say to myself, "If I make a mistake, so be it...I'll learn from it and go on. But right now, I'm going to make the best decision for this situation and trust God and then rest in that peace." I can no longer continue to live second guessing every choice I make, wondering if I'm doing this or that right or wrong, hating myself when I mess up. That is putting me first. I want to put God first, my family first, others first.

Thank you Lucille!

I have a feeling this is not the last time I will be learning this exact same lesson.

04 May 2008 Share a thought? see all 3 comments

The Potty Stop

We took a fun road trip this weekend. And as with all road trips, the inevitable always happens...the potty stop. This is never something I look forward to. I get grossed out way too easily. Borrowing your random truck stop, gas station or local fast food restaurant's (normally) dirty restroom always sends shivers down my spine. Just one glance at an exceptionally dirty rest room can literally make me sick to my stomach the rest of the day.

So there we are driving peacefully until Chloe blurts out her need for the dreaded potty stop. We engage 'Eagle Eye for Clean Restroom' mode and scan our restroom possibilities while in the middle of no-where. Since I also had to join this little rendezvous, I was hopeful that the place we chose would not leave me gagging the rest of the drive home.

Normally, Chloe and I share the restroom since she has 'flushing issues'. She's scared of the types of pottys that flush automatically - and I can't say I blame her. I have to hold her hands whenever she's on one of those in case it automatically flushes while she's still on it so that she doesn't get sucked into 'potty oblivion'. Thankfully, this gas station was too high tech and I go to my own stall so we could kill two birds with one stone, if you will.

Why do I ever try to be efficient when it comes to Chloe? I should know better. So there we are, each in our own big girl stall when I hear her say, "Uh-oh Mommy, I have yucky poopies again (meaning diarrhea)." Oh great - this is never a good thing on a road trip and especially if I'm not in her stall to make sure she is totally clean before we proceed any further, if you know what I mean. She asks, "Mommy, can you please wipe my botton (bottom)?"

Uh, slight problem here...I'm not in there. I'm in the adjoining stall. Wouldn't you have loved to be in this restroom on this particular day listening to this random conversation? "Honey, Mommy can't come in there. Remember, you locked the door. You're going to have to do this yourself now, Honey. You're big now, remember?"

"But Mommy, I can't. You can just crawl under the door." I laugh out loud. "Honey, Mommy can't do that, the space is too small. Why don't you just do the best you can, slide off your seat and unlock the door for Mommy and then I can come in and help you." Can't do that. She has major issues with being dirty and can't stand it. Stubbornness is one of her strongest suits. If she has decided for or against something...there is no changing her mind. "Mommy, I can't do that. Can you please climb under here?"

I am now standing outside her stall cursing myself for thinking I could also use the bathroom the same time as her in my own stall - how could I have been so selfish or lacked the foresight to see this as a possible future scenario. Now what am I going to do? I'm frantically searching for a keyhole to her bathroom door. This is no ordinary bathroom. Each stall has a real door attached to cinderblock walls that separate each 'unit'. There is maybe 18 inches of space between the floor and the bottom of the door. Way too narrow for me to try to squeeze under. Too tall of sides for me to try to climb over. This is a real, full-fledged problem now.

Thankfully, Chloe has the patience of a saint today. She's also decided to practice her encouragement skills on me and is saying, "Mommy, I know you can do it. Just look under the door. Please." Okay. That's the least I can do so that she knows she's not alone in this ordeal. I figure I can get down on my knees and look under her stall. If strangers come in and give me odd looks, I can explain myself - I'll cross that bridge when we come to it. But for now, my daughter needs me.

I am now on all fours in a truck stop restroom looking under the door. I never, in my wildest dreams, ever pictured myself in this position in my life. So, there I am now with the vantage point of seeing Chloe and trying to encourage her in my earlier pep talk, "Okay honey, just do your best to wipe yourself, you can do it." Did I mention that there is someone in the stall next to her? Can you imagine her fear as I'm on my hands and knees peeking under the adjoining stall? I'd be high-tailing it out of there if there was a crazy lady like me around. I guess she wanted to stick around for the show to see what was going to happen.

Then Chloe continues on in her relentless encouragement of me, "Come on Mommy, you can do it. See...all you have to do is scoot under here now." At this point I'm laughing my head off in utter disbelief. I guess I figured why not go all the way. I'm already on the floor, how much worse can it be? So I proceed to squeeze my entire self between 18 inches of the floor and door. My face is only inches away from the potty (which is rather odorous). There's probably only another 18 inches of space in which to crawl into without crawling onto Chloe's lap. It's one of those surreal moments. I couldn't believe I was doing this, yet I was...and I was laughing hysterically the entire time. I guess it was either that, or crying and I knew if I started crying, the puking would accompany it because my stomach is so weak and my sense of smell so heightened.

Miraculously, I make it inside and Chloe gleefully says, "See Mommy, I knew you could do it. Good job!" We finish taking care of business and walk out of there like we were perfectly normal. Except for I needed an entire can of Lysol to disinfect my whole body. A simple hand washing was not about to cure my sense of the he-be-je-bees.

I guess parents truly will do anything for their children when it comes down to it.

28 April 2008 Share a thought? see all 4 comments

Remember When

I guess I'm just in a very reminiscent mood tonight. Obviously, the first thing I did when I came home was search for that earlier Trace Atkins video online. I was so happy to find it that I just started looking up all my favorite songs. This one is very special to us. We both love how Alan Jackson is able to recapture life so simply yet elegantly. Remember When Video

24 April 2008 Share a thought? see all 1 comments

Stealing Cinderella

Since I'm all about music tonight (or so it seems), I thought I'd post another of my favorites. This is a song by Chuck Wicks. Just another reminder of how amazingly fast time goes by. And if you can't tell - I'm a big country music fan. Stealing Cinderella video

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You're Gonna Miss This

This evening I was out driving around by myself when this song came on. I'd never heard it before, so I cranked it up to listen real good. By the end, I had tears streaming down my face. Oh, how I could relate...as the child and as the parent. After a long hard day - make that a couple of weeks - this helped me put it all in perspective. Yes, as moms we get tired, we question what in the world we're doing, if we're doing it right or wrong, like the work load is never ending...but in the end, all that matters are the relationships we fostered with each other. Yes...I'm definitely going to miss this crazy, hectic, question-filled, tiring time. Thanks for that reminder Mr. Atkins.



She was starin out the window of their SUV
Complainin sayin I can't wait to turn 18
She said I'll make my own money
And I'll make my own rules
Momma put the car in park out there in front of the school
And she kissed her head, and said
'I was just like you'

You're gonna' miss this
You're gonna' want this back
You're gonna' wish these days
Hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna' miss this

Before she knows it she's a brand new bride
In her one bedroom apartment
And her daddy stops by
He tells her it's a nice place
She says, 'It'll do for now'
Starts talkin' about babies, and buyin a house
Daddy shakes his head
And says baby just slow down

Cuz' you're gonna' miss this
You're gonna' want this back
You're gonna' wish these days
Hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna' miss this

Five years later there's a plumber
Workin' on the water heater
Dog's barkin', phone's ringin'
One kid's cryin' one kid's screamin'
And she keeps apologizin'
But he says they don't bother me
I've got two babies of my own
One's thirty- six, one's twenty- three
Huh, it's hard to believe

But you're gonna' miss this
You're gonna' want this back
You're gonna' wish these days
Hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna' miss this
You're gonna' miss this
Yeaahhhh... you're gonna' miss this...

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Towels of Joy

Just wanted to show you the beautiful sight I beheld as I walked into my bedroom yesterday. I had asked Bennett and Chloe to empty the towels out of the dryer, fold them and put them on my bed. That is exactly what they did! :) I was so tickled, I had to take a picture right away. This sight made my heart sooooo happy! I'm sure Bennett also instructed Chloe in the finer art of proper towel folding.

I used to be one of those people that was so anal about getting all my laundry and house cleaning done all in one day with all the laundry folded and put away before night fall. Ha!!! I soon realized that those expectations were far from realistic (the more my household grew in numbers). I no longer deceive myself with such lofty goals. I might even at one time have gone back and refolded all the towels. But then I would miss out on the smile it brings me every time I open the closet door and reach in to find such a beautifully and creatively folded towel.

Life is more than neat stacks of folded laundry. It took years for God to get me to the point to admit that and now that I can...boy, does it feel good!

16 April 2008 Share a thought? see all 3 comments

Girl Night

Last night Chloe and I had two totally undisturbed hours by ourselves. I thought it might be fun to go on a date together, but I just couldn't seem to think of anything fun to do. Then I tried to think like her. That's when I knew what should be done.

The evening commenced with the two of us putting on our high heels and going ice skating (for pretend of course). Chloe was the Mommy and I was her daughter. She's sooooo into this reverse role playing thing right now! But it's so fun to watch her and see how she thinks a Mommy behaves, talks, walks, etc. So, I just followed her lead the whole time.

The last time we had time like this, we actually did go ice skating together. So, she imitated every single thing we did. She insisted I put on a pair of her high heels (picture 6 inches of plastic, raised 1/2 an inch off the ground) - that just wasn't going to work no matter how hard I tried. But, just like the step sisters in Cinderella, she insisted I continue trying to fit my foot into a place that only my big toe would fit. Exasperated, she let out a big sigh and in her most patient mommy voice she proclaimed, "You can just wear the shoes you have on." She had already picked out my black, dress, high heels that was nicely paired with my sweat pants and long cotton t-shirt.

I pretended to slip and fall once we got on the ice and I pulled her down with me and we laid there and giggled until she realized that this never actually happened in the 'real skating adventure'. She was getting a bit frustrated that I was not going by the script and told me to go over to the carpet section and wait for her. I pretended to hang on to the wall inside the ice-skating rink instead and was promptly disciplined, "Daughter, you are 12" said the airy, high-pitched Mommy voice "you already know how to ice skate. Don't fall."

After an exciting 3 minutes of ice skating, it was on to hairdresser and make-up. This was going to be a full spa treatment. Of course I had to do her first. She requested a Queen Amahdalah hair-do (one of the only girl characters in Star Wars that she can relate to). Thankfully I was in the midst of creative genius during this time and made my 'mommy' very happy with her Star Wars hair-do. When it was my turn, she decided to paint my finger nails purple, followed by blue eyeshadow and lots of sparkly purple lip gloss. My hair turned out to be an eclectic mix of bows and clips.
Throughout the entire time, she's giving me tid-bits of mommy wisdom such as, "Kid. Daughter, I know much lotter than you. So, that's why you need to listen to me. Okay, kid?" or "Daughter, are you having a good day?" or "You are my kid, okay daughter, and I am in command of you." When it came time for clean up, she promptly reminded me that she was the Mommy and the kid always has to clean up, so "do it, okay daughter." What choice did I have?

The last part of our evening involved dining on a picnic blanket in front of the t.v. eating egg salad sandwiches and pretzels and watching Cinderella until the boys got home. What more does a girl need? Anytime we get time alone it's a definite treat.

14 April 2008 Share a thought? see all 3 comments