May 5, 2012

My Epiphany

5/05/2012 — cori

It came to me in the oddest of places.  I was scrunched over a dandelion weed and I think I just about solved all the world's problems.  Okay, maybe not the whole world's, but mine.  It was a beautiful day to be outside.  I actually wanted to pull weeds.  We were all outside doing our part to help make our outdoor space more inviting.

As I was maneuvering the trowel, I was thinking.  I was thinking about what I had to do next.  I was thinking about what I'd already done.  Then it hit me, why aren't I thinking about what I'm doing exactly this minute?  Why am I spending so much energy on the future and the past.  Why can't I enjoy this exact moment?

Then it struck me....I'm coveting time.  I believe coveting is the root of all problems.  We want what we don't have right now.  Isn't that the cause of discontentment?  If I was fully living in the moment, unconcerned about what I had to do 5 minutes from now, wouldn't I be enjoying and seeing so much more life around me?  Wouldn't I be living abundantly?  Why is there that concern about what I have to do next?  Why am I allowing that to steal the time I have at this exact moment?

What can I learn from the right now?  Was I employing all my senses while pulling the weeds?  Did I really smell the beauty of the rich, dark dirt beneath my fingers?  Did a smile cross my face when I heard the sounds of children playing, laughing and talking in the background?  Did I hear the intricate sound of birds chirping and leaves blowing in the breeze?  Did I feel every ounce of warmth on my skin?  Did my eyes behold the beauty of the earth?   Did I take the time to thank God for each of these gifts?  Did I take the time to listen to that 'still small voice' speak into my soul and fill me up?

As you can see, I think in questions.

I want to be ever aware of no longer coveting that which I don't have.  Not only the things I'd like to own one day.  But the time laid out before me.  I'm not promised tomorrow.  I'm only given the gift of today.  I can't be disappointed in what doesn't happen in the future if I didn't covet that time today.  I would be too busy living my life fully today to let worry or covetousness subtly steal the time away I have right now.

I hate to think of how many precious moments with loved ones I allowed to be ruined because I was too concerned about what I needed to do next.  I might have missed a nuance in their actions, a look in their eyes or the tone of their voice because my mind wasn't focused only on them in that one and only beautiful moment.

I think I now truly understand Jim Eliot's quote:

Whatever you do, be all there.

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