Feb 9, 2009

Going Commando (again)

2/09/2009 — cori

This would not be my first or even second entry about my sweet, boy-child choosing to 'go commando'...no this is my THIRD POST! I'm beginning to think we, as parents, have done some major oversight in the department of when and when not to wear underwear. We had another 'incident' today. Here's the story:

Chloe, Bennett and I are out in search of jeans without holes in the knees for Bennett. We find a store, we find a pair of jeans, we go into the changing stall to try them on. However, Bennett asks if Chloe and I could leave. I figure he's just into the 'trying to be modest' stage (how could I be so dense as to even think that Bennett has an ounce of modesty?!). Oh, what a fool I was.

So, he comes out of the stall and I do the typical mother thing and pull on the jeans, check the waist, see how much room to grow he has left. It was during that last evaluation that I discovered the lack of underwear. Now the whole making me leave the changing room thing is starting to make sense. He didn't want to get caught! This would have been his second time in two weeks of being caught for the same offense.

The other commando incident happened at the Dr.'s office of all places. He's laying down on the examining table for his well child appointment. The Dr. is making sure everything is where it's supposed to be. As he begins to unbutton Bennett's pants he starts laughing and says, to no one in particular, "Ah....I see we're going commando today." This is NOT the place to be making parental mistakes or showing any sort of incompetency. How could he slip out of the house on today of all days without underwear. Of course my first reaction is to feign disbelief and gasp, "BENNETT!!! - what were you thinking?!" Thank God the Dr. downplayed the whole thing!

But now, here we are in a store with my son trying on umpteen pairs of jeans WITHOUT underwear! How did I get to this point in life? Am I not direct enough in my expectations for my children? Must I ask them everyday if they remembered to put on underwear? Why would you even want to go without them? It's cold out, for goodness sakes.

We continue on in the store as if we're normal and leave without giving away the fact that one of us is underwearless. We get in the car and I start asking Bennett questions. "Honey, what makes you want to go without underwear?"

"Well...it's not that I don't want to wear underwear...it's just that...well...sometimes I don't have any left in my drawer."

"Honey, I know for a fact you have underwear in your drawer today."

"Well...then maybe it's because I like to save my underwear for the rest of the week so I don't run out."

"Oh really. So, you're into underwear conservation?"


"Oh, I see. So, if you were me, what kind of discipline would you think appropriate for someone being deceptive about not wearing his underwear?"

"Well...I would make him brush his teeth for 4 minutes."

"How in the world does that relate to not wearing underwear, Bennett?!"

"It would make me think about it while I'm brushing my teeth."

I have now gotten to the point in the conversation where I can no longer hide the huge smile spread across my face. This line of reasoning is getting crazier by the minute. He's dead serious too. Chloe decides to pipe in with, "Mommy, this makes me want to wear underwear every day too."

"What? Now you? Do you go commando too?"

"Yes. But from now on, I will put on a clean pair of panties every day."

Then Bennett feels it's necessary to add what he's learned from his 7 years here on earth to the conversation, "And Chloe, make sure you put your socks and underwear in the hamper everyday!"

Way to score points, Bennett. But it's a lost cause at this point. I have no reasoning ability left in order to think of an appropriate discipline that will curb this type of behavior in the future. I used to think that teaching a child to put underwear on was a one time deal...kinda like learning how to use a fork. You teach them once, they do it forever. Evidently, that's not the case in this house. We need further underwear education...let's call it 'continuing underwear education'.


UPDATE: In case you're wondering...yes, I finally did come up with an appropriate (in my opinion) discipline to help curb the wayward ways of my non-underwear wearing son. I had him take all his underwear out of his drawer and then fold them all and place them neatly back in the drawer. My only hope here is that he sees that he actually does have underwear and to see what they feel and look like. Kind of like a 'getting acquainted' session. And, as the ever the sensitive parent, I felt obliged to let him know that if he felt that the amount of underwear he had in his drawer was in any way inadequate, to just let me know and I would dish out whatever cash it takes to get him some more.

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