On Being Different

Bennett tells me the other day that he thinks he'd like to take Judo and wants to know where he can sign up.  I tell him that's cool and all but he's going to have to wait until after basketball season.  We have a one extracurricular activity per kid per season rule in our house for our own sanity.  I then proceed to encourage him to google all the Judo schools in the area and let me know which ones look cool and we can look at them together.

I sense he wants to talk more about it before beginning his research so I ask him why he's suddenly so interested in Judo.  He responds with, "Well, just look at Gavin.  He's so strong and muscular and confident now that he's been doing Tae-kwon-do for so long.  I want that too."  That's as close to complimenting his brother as we're going to get.  I told him I agreed with him and can understand.  He admires what martial arts does to a person mentally and physically and he wants in.

He went to look up his new dream and only minutes later came to find me with his hopes shattered and dreams dashed about like broken glass.  Apparently, there are no martial arts schools close enough to home that offer Judo for kids.  Heartbroken.  Now what?

Chuck felt the need to take this discussion further.  He couldn't understand why Bennett didn't want to just go to the same Tae-kwon-do school as Gavin that is 5 minutes from our house and asked him about it? Bennett responds with, "Well....Dad...I don't want to be known as 'Gavin's Younger Brother'.  I want to strike out on my own, do my own thing."

Ahhhh....I see what we have going on here.

"Plus, I like Judo cuz it's Japanese and I like all things about Japan."

Ok, makes sense.

"I just want to be different than Gavin."

Oh to be the middle child.  Or the youngest.  It's got to be hard, always in the shadow of the oldest.  We tried to be very understanding.  Chuck would have preferred practicality since we could have gotten a second sibling discount.  But I completely understood that this is a big deal to Bennett, so we need to make it a big deal to us.  We have to remember his world and concerns are alot smaller than our adult ones.  Although he may admittedly admire his older brother, he wants to try something a little different because he's a little different.  I totally get it.

Unfortunately our search still ended in failure for Judo.  But we were able to find Wu Shu Kung Fu, which is Chinese, but it's training focuses on stamina and strength, two things Bennett values for his basketball.  Plus, as an added bonus, we read these awesome books this summer about these kids and their impressive Chinese Kung Fu skills.  Now that he can relate, he's sold.  Kung Fu it is.

Come April, we might just have two martial artists in this house.

Life Happens

So, this isn't the most encouraging of posts but it is our life none-the-less and something we will always want to remember for it's moments like these that shape us the most.  Last week Chuck was unexpectedly laid off.  He went from working his dream job to being told he couldn't come back due to no fault of his own just that the company needed to downsize.  The effect this had on him was like being sucker punched in the gut.  He was in shock for a full day.  God was so gracious to give me a premonition that this was about to happen the morning he went to meet with his boss.  I was ready, by the grace of God alone, to be the strong one and support him as he reeled.  He took it in stride and constantly kept a positive outlook always telling me, "hey, it could be worse...we didn't just get news that one of us has a terminal illness, we'll make it through this."  It's all about perspective.  And trust.

Fast forward a week and Chuck has already gone on several job interviews.  The design community and network of friends and colleagues he has is amazing.  He was looking forward to going to downtown Minneapolis for the first of these interviews.  However, he got lost on his way into the city. He accidentally took a wrong turn and couldn't turn around again for like 10 miles.  Plus his phone died and he couldn't look up directions on how to get back.  He was thinking he'd just not go, he didn't want to be late to an interview, plus he wasn't all that excited about this place.  Miraculously, he finds his way back, finds an open parking spot across the street from the building and puts in enough quarters for 1 1/2 hours (he felt he was being overly generous with the time).  

He ends up talking to 6 people during this 3 hour interview.  He comes out of the meeting at 6:30pm. His interview began at 3pm.  He goes to look for his car and can't find it. At this point, he called me said he was low on battery and that he was going to go look for his car.  Somehow he figured out it was at the impound lot.  He found the lot on his maps app and then his phone dies for good.  He burns the directions into his brain and sets out to walk the 2 miles.  

He just so happens to be in the shady side of town where all the bums hang out.  He walked 2 miles past all the bums.  At one point he sees a man sleeping under the bushes and realizes things could be a lot worse....but he's still mad as a hornet.  He gets to the impound lot and there are alot of other people waiting too.  20 minutes and $130 later he leaves with his car to drive home - in rush hour.   He told me later that he stopped at 2 different gas stations to ask to use their phone to call me so that I wouldn't be worried.  Both times he was denied.  Just more nails for him to chew as he was driving home like a maniac. 

I had to pick Gavin up from tae-kwon-do at 8pm.  I left at 7:50 to get him.  I decided that if Chuck wasn't back by time I got home I'd drive into the city and just start looking for him thinking maybe he assaulted the impound lot guy and was in a holding cell or got assaulted himself along the way. Miraculously, he pulled into the driveway as I was pulling out.

Later that night as he was tucking Bennett into bed and retelling his tale of woe, Bennett said, "Dad, I don't believe in coincidence.  I think God wanted you to see that bum.  That was meant to remind you that things can always be worse."  Great minds think alike. :)

No, he doesn't have a job yet.  But that's okay.  We're in God's hands...the best place of all to be.  We can't only trust him when everything is going our way.  The test of our faith is if we really trust him when things are at their worst, when we have lost control and can't find our way.  He will guide us down the path we should go, we have no doubt.  Sometimes it's dark and bleak looking during the waiting time but that is also the growing time and I wouldn't want to change a thing.  We're enjoying this little surprise gift of extra time together.  And we're "counting it all joy when you meet trials of various kinds knowing that the testing of our faith produces steadfastness" (James 1:2).

The High Five

One would think that the customary high five is a natural, in-born response that most children have a visceral understanding of.  Not mine.  High fives in this house are a whole other ballgame.  We don't high five, rather we have the patented "Mallott Hand Clasp" or "The Clasp of Solidarity".  It says "we are one" without using words.

EVERY TIME, without fail, that we go to high five one of our people, they start by hitting palm to palm and then they invariably interlace their fingers with ours to 'finish off' the high five.  Think of it like a hand hug in the air.  Or more like our hands have joined together for prayer in the air.  Either way...it's not normal...but for us it is.  This is how we roll people.

We don't even try to fist bump...who knows what a mess we'd make of that one.

School

I could live in an endless summer if that means my kids are always home, it's always sunny and hot out and we have ample books and outdoor activities to keep us going.  Throw a few road trips in there and I'm completely sold.  The problem is, I just love being with my kids so much that when school starts again every year like it always does, I get so lonely.  All my playmates are gone.   All peeps find new peeps to hang with.  Those 3 months of summer are always my favorite.  I'm thrilled that my kids are so excited to go to school and that they love to learn and they get ample opportunities to love other people...I just wish I could do it with them.  I guess it's best to yank the band-aid off fast, so that's what today was for me...it was like a band-aid being ripped off my body fast and furious.  It's all good though.  I survived.  My kids are on cloud 9 each in their respective schools.  We've got one at each: Elementary, Middle and High School.  I've got a lot to be thankful for.  I like to take a picture with the kids on the first day of school to document that I'm shrinking in height.  Each of them have grown so much.  By the end of this school year, I might just be the shortest one.

Chloe the 4th grader who is already in love with her teacher.

Bennett the 6th grader.  

He was so proud to tell us that he only got lost twice today.  

Gavin the 9th grader.  

He has finally discovered his sense of style and I couldn't be happier.

It was so sweet to hear a little knock on our door at 7am from our sweet neighbor Jenna.  She is like a sister to Chloe.  She just stopped by to wish Chloe a wonderful first day of school.  Is that a friend or what?!  And then she walked with Bennett to their bus stop and looked out for him at school today.  I wish I'd taken a picture with Jenna too cuz she's like my own child.  

Cheating

Yesterday we were driving down a stretch of road where you frequently see many people running and biking.  It was around dinner time.  As we look over to the side walk, we see this lady in her workout clothes walking briskly as she's shoving a foot long Subway sandwich down her gullet.  It was hilarious!  It was as if she was in a race to finish the sandwich before she got home so no one would see any signs of her eating it as she's 'working out'.  Or maybe she wanted a foot long so bad that she justified it by walking all the way to Subway and then back home to make herself feel better.

Then Bennett busts out with, "That's kinda like mom eating her 3 cookies before she works out."

And I'm like, "Bennett!!!  How could you divulge my secrets?!" in mock horror knowing he's completely right.

It's pathetically true, though.  Me and the Subway lady are the same.

We all had a good chuckle over that one.  Unfortunately, at my expense.

Smile Problems

As Chloe and I were cuddling in bed this morning, enjoying the last days of summer together before they slip on by and school schedules start taking over, she confides something of great importance to me.

"Mom, you know what problem I have?"

"What Sweetie?"

"Every time I smile, drool comes out the corners of my mouth."

"Seriously? Like only when you're laying down or all the time?"

"All the time.  When I smile real big then I have to do this..." she says as she's wiping the corners of her adorable mouth with the backside of her hand.

"Oh my.  That is a problem.  I never knew this about you.  That's what I'm going to think about every time you smile from now on."

And then we both got a huge case of the giggles.

What a fun way to start the day.

Every Parent's Worst Nightmare

As I was taking Ninja for her walk one morning I noticed an older guy in a yard trimming a tree.  I have walked this route 2 to 3 times a day (less in the winter of course) every day for over 2 years.  I know almost everyone.  I didn't recognize this gentleman.  Being that this is Minnesota, EVERYONE stops and talks to you - that whole 'Minnesota Nice' thing.  I'm never nervous talking to a stranger - normally.

But today something just seemed 'off'.  You know how as parents we tell our kids not to talk to strangers or don't go with anyone even if they tell you 'your mom told you to come with me'?  Well....I kinda didn't listen to that little voice in my head.

As I'm passing this yard with the guy trimming trees he says to me, "Hi There.  Have you ever seen a baby bunny before?  Would you like to see one now?"

"Ummmm." Trying desperately hard to think of an excuse cuz all my warning signs are going off all at once.  I mean come on, a baby bunny?

"Thanks anyways, but my dog will probably eat it."

"Oh don't worry about that.  Here, let me take your dog, you just go on over there back by the garage.  There's a bush in the corner.  You have to bend down real low to see the duck's nest and right inside there you'll find the baby bunny."

"Ummmm.  Ok."  Idiot.  (I'm referring to myself, not him)

I know he sees the 'gullible' tattoo forever engraved on my forehead because why else would he think I would fall for such a scam as this.  But being that I like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and the fact that I can't say no,  I comply.  I meekly hand over Ninja to this complete stranger and head towards the bush.

I bend down long enough to see that there is indeed a duck nest behind the bush but I see no sign of the bunny.  However, since he wants me to see this bunny so badly I act as if I did.  I didn't want him coming over there to help me find the bunny, so I kinda told a little fib.  I was just anxious to get away from there.

He then goes on to give me too much information about how he's just helping his son who lives there trim the house and by the way his son is in NY for the week and there used to be two baby bunnies but he thinks one got eaten.....yadayadayada.

"Ok.  Thank you for that.  Have a nice day."

And I promptly walk away, pulling out my phone to call Chuck immediately so I could tell on myself.  I know it was a dumb thing to do, but I just couldn't make this poor guy feel bad by walking by and being rude.  He immediately told me to call my Dad who would never believe my story.  My Dad who has spent his entire life trying to keep me safe and taught me how to make safe choices.

You would think I was a dumb blonde or something.

Colorado Vacation in Pictures

 My brother-in-law retired this year from the military.  So we thought it would be fun to make a family vacation out of our trip west since none of us have ever seen this part of the country.  Since so many extended family members also came to support John, it also turned into one massive family reunion.  Luckily I was able to narrow down my 600 pictures to just 35 that captured the essence of this wonderful get-a-way.

We drove through South Dakota specifically to see the Badlands.

They are unlike anything you can imagine.  Beautiful and erie all at once. 

Unbeknownst to us, Sturgis, the annual Motorcycle Rally in S.D was the exact same weekend.  We were accompanied by 600,000 bikers EVERYWHERE we went.  You can read into that all you like.

They were even at Mt. Rushmore with us.  We thoroughly enjoyed the hike at the base of the mountain.  The Black Hills are absolutely beautiful, no wonder it's sacred Native American land.

As we left S.D. we drove through Wind Cave National Park.  This was one of my fondest memories.  It was so peaceful here.  Chuck and I got out of the car and walked down a path and just stood in the silence and soaked up the beauty of the nature around us.  Definitely one of the highlights of our trip.

Apparently Bennett captured us walking back to the car with our hearts full of serenity.

As we were driving through the park, we were stopped by a herd of bison.  

Just one of many of the wildlife we were to encounter on our adventure.

We also saw a gorgeous buck.

These little squirrels were everywhere and enjoyed people watching.

There were so many butterflies in the flowering alpine meadows.

At the very top of the world, we saw a herd of elk lying peacefully on the mountain side.

We also encountered a new animal we had never before seen, a marmot.  They live only in the Alpine Tundra.  They come out of their hibernation for only 6 weeks in the summer.  Lucky us!

This is the top of the world....the Alpine Tundra.  We were at 12,000 feet above sea level here.  The tree line stops at 11,300 feet.  It was cold.  And altitude sickness was starting to wreak havoc with us.

  On our drive through the mountains, it started snowing.  We experienced a

 40 degree temperature difference in one day.  

We explored The Devil's Backbone in Loveland, CO.

We experienced the beauty and awe that is Bear Lake in Rocky Mountain National Park

We hiked up to an altitude of 10,000 feet.  We only made a 605 foot increase in altitude, 

but it was definitely felt, trust me!  It was one of the most gorgeous hikes we've ever been on.

By far, our most favorite time in Colorado was spent white water rafting. 

What a thrill ride!  We could do this all day, every day.  We were a machine! 

We got all dressed up to attend John's retirement ceremony.

This is a large group of people!  We went to the Air Force Academy Chapel, Rudy's BBQ and The Garden of the Gods all together.  You can imagine the scene we made.

This is inside the Academy Chapel.  It was specifically designed to inspire an aeronautical feel.

 It was a fascinating place in regard to art and architecture.

We saw Pike's Peak from a distance.

We saw the Kissing Camels in the Garden of the Gods.

And the Three Graces too!

The boys played some serious basketball.  Fun times for all.

We hiked some more in Colorado Springs, this time we were at Palmer Park.

Look, I'm up high and not freaking out!  I had a major revelation on this trip:

I'm not scared of heights, I'm just scared of falling.  I don't know how that helps, but it does.

We played.

We rested.

We visited a site unique to Colorado, Bishop Castle.  This place is built by one man.  There is no architectural plan nor order to the castle.  It just is.  You take your life in your own hands at this place.  It's so fascinating, you can't not go in it.  There are 3 turrets that go up higher than the tree line. The owner has welded all the metal work himself.  It's truly unbelievable.

One of the creepy things about this place is the bridge to no where.  The bridge just ends right behind Chuck and John.  Seriously, it just goes straight down with no guard rail in sight.

The stone and metal work are beautiful.

And here you have a random staircase not supported by anything.

We hiked some more in the San Isabel National Forest near Pueblo, CO.

Notice how Chloe is 'hiking'.  She hurt her knee half way down and had to be carried.  Don't worry, she didn't stay like this long, Chuck was just messing with her.  He was exhausted after walking 1.5 miles down a mountain for 45 minutes with 50 extra pounds on his back.

It made my heart smile to see the beautiful welcome home sign from the neighbors.

There's no place like home.

Goodbye

Lillian Zukowski Dombek

October 13, 1925 - July 21, 2013

"As much as I have thought on this matter, I see no way around the hurt.  The only way to remove pain from death is to remove love from life."  -  Richard Paul Evans

Our best efforts could not keep Bapchie alive.  Her lungs were diseased beyond repair.  She didn't want to fight, didn't want to stay here any longer.  She was ready to go home.  Who can blame her?  

My Bapchie, or Lil as she was known to everyone else, was a first generation Polish-American.  She grew up knowing both Polish and English.  World War II defined her era.  She grew up on a tobacco farm with her 5 brothers and sisters.   She always wanted to be a nurse but was not permitted to by her parents.  

Bapchie met my Jadziu, Ed who was 6 years her senior, before the war.  They married on Feb. 2, 1946 after 5 years of serving in the Pacific Front .  They lived with her parents for a year before borrowing $8,000 from her dad to buy and fix up a little house.  They lived in that house the rest of their lives.

My Bapchie had two boys, my Dad, Eddie and then my Uncle Micheal, 6 years later.  She worked in two of the 5 mills that Rockville, Connecticut was known for.  She worked in the paper mill making envelopes and also another mill that made parachutes.  She worked nights so that someone would always be with the boys.

When she was 39 when she graduated from The Connecticut School of Hairdressing and opened up her own shop called "Lil's Beauty Shop" that they had built attached to their house in 1969.

I loved this beauty parlor.  It has looked the same my entire life.  When I was a kid I used to think that I also had the skill to do hair since my Bapchie would always let me help take out the rollers of all her clients' hair.  She didn't retire until she was 80.  

After I was born, my Bapchie travelled all the way to England with my Aunt Paula (my Mom's sister) to come see me.  She did the same for my brother, only this time she flew half a world away to the Philippines.  She hated to fly.

Even though we never lived close to my grandparents, we always visited them.  Growing up with my Dad working for the Department of Defense, we moved every two years.  Between every  move we would always have a long layover at my grandparents' house.  Once we lived in the States again we would drive up from Virginia to see them all the time.  Those were our vacations.  It just proves you can still have a close relationship even when you don't live close together.

I remember her always singing this song to me.  I thought she made it up.  I just recently learned that it was popular around the time I was born.  This is it: 

I am so very thankful to have lived 40 years and come to know my Grandma as an adult.  What a gift that is!  I have visited her often over the years, but never often enough.  My children even got to see her multiple times even though we've lived so far apart.  I am so glad they had the chance to know her.  I want them to know of her persevering spirit, her incredibly hard work ethic, and her servant's heart.  

She loved to watch Red Sox baseball and UCONN girls' basketball on tv.  She made each of us her signature crocheted rainbow blankets that we all lovingly refer to as our Bapchie Blankets.  She served thousands of meals in the tiniest kitchen I have ever seen and she made it look easy.  She still hung out her laundry to dry when the weather was nice.

When I was a kid, I always looked forward to getting a card in the mail from Bapchie cuz I knew there would always be a dollar in it with the note: "Use this to go buy yourself an ice cream" and that is exactly what we did because that is what it was for.  

I will miss you Bapchie.  But I'm thankful for your life, the memories and especially all the home movies that keep you alive in my heart.

Be Who You Are

Chuck, Gavin and I all agree...this article is spot on.  If you really knew us, you would know these things about us already and appreciate them as gifts and not short-comings.

Ten Myths about Introverts:

Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.

This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.

Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.

Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.

Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.

On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.

Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.

Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.

Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.

Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.

Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.

Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.

A world without Introverts would be a world with few scientists, musicians, artists, poets, filmmakers, doctors, mathematicians, writers, and philosophers. That being said, there are still plenty of techniques an Extrovert can learn in order to interact with Introverts. (Yes, I reversed these two terms on purpose to show you how biased our society is.) Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.

via Carl King Creative and Eli Bishop

No Camping For You

There are many things we love about Minnesota but camping is not one of them.  There are some gorgeous places to camp.  But EVERY time we have gone we've gotten rained on.  Not just rained on, but thunder-stormed on.  Not cool.  You would think that by planning a camping trip in the middle of July you would be safe from any random thunderstorm.  Think again.  We went way north.  Farther north than we've ever gone.  We were only an hour away from the Canada border.  Gorgeous country, but apparently unpredictable weather.  When we left that morning, there was only a 30% chance of rain.  As the day progressed, the percentage increased.  The forecast failed to mention the pea-soup fog.  It was beautiful in it's own way, but not when you're expecting 75 degrees and sunny.  So our camping trip turned into a hiking only trip.  We visited 3 state parks and felt like we had each of them to ourselves.  I guess when most people see fog, they don't think, "Hey, let's go hiking."  Not us...it just added to our sense of adventure.  It was eerily beautiful and quiet and awe-inspiring.  We truly felt like we were explorers first discovering some undisturbed piece of land.

There's a huge lighthouse somewhere back there behind the fog.

This is Lake Superior that you can't see.

A gorgeous white, Aspen/Pine forest that we hiked through.

Another fog-filled trail.  The kids especially liked kicking a tree and watching the water 

from all the leaves rain down on the person who happened to be walking behind them.

A long, wet, climb into the fog at Split Rock Light House State Park.

The tallest waterfall in Minnesota at Tettagouche State Park.

The suspension bridge we walked across to get to the other 

side of the Baptism River just before the falls. 

Chloe was rather un-nerved by the swaying of the bridge

and needed Daddy's secure hand to guide her across.

The boys just wanted to see how high up they could climb the bridge.

When the light was just right, it made for some beautiful pictures in the fog.

Walking out onto a break-water to watch a huge barge that was leaving the bay.