Oct 7, 2008

I'm an Idiot

This wouldn't be the first time I've made such a confession. And it's pretty obvious to those around me on a daily basis. Let me just explain why this is an accurate statement.

I'm by myself in the car running errands today while the kids are at a science class. The weather is gorgeous, the alone time, wonderful. I even remembered to bring my very own snack. I enjoyed my scrumptious apple. But I found myself with a dilemma...what was I to do with my half eaten apple? I wasn't about to lay that sticky thing anywhere in the car. Then a childhood thought came flittering into my adult memory. Remember when Dad was done with his apple...what did he used to do? That's right, he would throw it out the window to 'feed the birds'. Thanks, Dad, for helping me come to a solution that will not only benefit me, but the sweet, hungry birds as well.

Knowing that the other drivers on the road would not be very understanding of my immediate need to feed the birds, I held on to my apple until I was on a lonely stretch of farm to market road. Upon suddenly finding myself as the only motor vehicle on the road, I deemed now would be the perfect time to 'feed the birds'. I was going for sly, quick, and discreet in my methodology. I didn't have a lot of time to think. So here's what I did:

I quickly rolled down the window with the push of a button. I glanced in both directions and confirmed there were no cars or pedestrians to witness my upcoming bird feeding escapade. I reared my right arm back, the one holding the apple. And like a seasoned baseball player, I let that sucker go....right into the window frame of my car!!

The apple bounced back and hit me, somewhere, I can't remember exactly since I was too busy being in shock that I had a space wide enough to practically throw my self through and yet apparently couldn't even throw a teensy tiny apple through. The apple came bouncing off me and landed on the floor. My right hand bent completely backwards causing me immense pain and suffering. The ONLY thought going thru my head at this time was: STUPID, STUPID, STUPID - HOW COULD YOU BE SO STUPID, CORI?! All the while trying to drive nonchalantly with my left hand.

I wasn't about to let this apple beat me. I look around to make sure there will be no witnesses and I go for a second attempt. This time, I double check all my coordinates. Window completely down - check. Apple in hand - check. Eyes on the road - check. Other hand on steering wheel - check. Ready, aim, throw! Mission accomplished. I saw it land safely on a nice patch of gravel/grass on the side of the road. I'm sure the birds appreciate all the trouble I went through.

It was either that, or wait till I got to their science class in 2 minutes and walk in to find a trash can - but then I would have been holding that sticky thing much longer...that just didn't seem quite as convenient to me as feeding the birds. I feel like I've done my 'good deed' for the day. Too bad I had to be so secretive about the whole thing.


Jennboree said...

We are frighteningly similar in our ability to completely over-think a situation thus putting ourselves in danger of looking like an idiot and then following through with it.

You are hilarious, my friend!

Kelly Sauer said...

Hee hee - I've so done that!

Kate said...

You are definitely not an idiot but it was a pretty funny story. It brought back the image of you covering your eyes on the drive up to muirwoods.

Jennifer said...

Ok, totally laughing out loud at you :) But I can laugh because I too have the aim of a non-sport person - I have quit trying to throw things out of windows - you know big items like gum. One time I tried to actually spit it out the window while moving (Michael was driving and told me to) and it came right back in on me!!! He didn't specify to spit behind me, and not into the breeze. Total moron moment, but so typical of me :)

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