Dec 26, 2008

Playing Church

The other day Chloe asked me if I wanted to play church. I thought this would be super intriguing so I readily agreed. I just couldn't imagine how one would play church. I grabbed some paper, a pen and started recording exactly what we did. It worked great because she thought I was just over anxious about writing down all the cool stuff I learned while 'in church'. Our 30 minutes of play turned out 1 1/2 pages of lined paper, front and back. The following is written verbatim:

"Mommy, first you get your biggest Bible and then we drive there."

We head upstairs with big Bibles in hand and proceed to 'drive' until we meet up at the small table and chair set where we sit down.

Next she tells me, "Now, write out your numbers and then make a dot next to them". We did that through the number 10, with her checking my work the entire time. "Then we have to look through our Bible - or take it out if it's still in a package."

I couldn't imagine what we were going to learn, so I asked "What are we going to learn in church today?" The one in charge told me, "We're going to learn how to speak spanish. Now get your princess Bible if you have one." She then proceeds to 'read' to me from her princess Bible. This is what she says: "...she didn't know anything except pictures...then what did God teach her? She asked him to help her learn her words but make some of them a surprise. Then she asked God if everyone could have songs and speak spanish like they do in Chloe world. Then her mom came in the room...there were no boys back then...I'll teach you more another day."

At this point I was instructed to put my pen down and stop writing. But I just couldn't (there was no way I'd remember all the juicy details if I stopped writing now). So I told her that I'm learning so much and I always want to remember it so I have to keep writing. She eventually acquiesed and decided to open to the maps section of her Bible and show me where we are geographically (somewhere in Saudia Arabia, I think). Then she tells me, "It's time to go to A.P (supposedly a book in the Bible), I'll help you find "Insurance of Songs" (another book in the Bible). Then she's off to her room to get me the "B Book" to help me learn the Bible better.

I couldn't help but ask, "So, honey, what kinds of things do people learn when they go to church?" The following list will detail, in order, everything that one learns by attending church:

1. learn about Jesus
2. make insurance more cuter
3. learn about design
4. learn how to make everybody have no anger

I asked her where Jesus was. She tells me, "He lives at the church." (while pointing to her room). "You can go meet him. He will be here everyday." She then instructs me to start reading my Bible.

She's off to get something of value in her room. Turns out to be two of her favorite stuffed animals. She hands one to me and says, "You may borrow one." I asked if Jesus likes animals and she said, "Yes." So naturally I asked, "Why?" and she responds, "God said so."

She has no more time for my ignorant questions. It's time once again to begin reading from the Bible....."...God is certainly special to everyone in the whole entire world. God knows everything. Kids don't know everything except for peoples' names.

She's starting to get really ticked that I'm scribbling furiously on my paper trying to keep up with this constant narration going on around me. She thinks that if she makes me move, I won't write anymore. So she instructs me to move to a different seat and says with very little patience, "You can stop writing and read to your kids at home now. And God said those papers are very good. So stop writing now!"

After a quick potty break, she hands me her purse and told me to look through it while she continues reading the princess Bible: "...then her mom put her to bed at the exact same time that Santa came. A, B, C can never be gived up from A, B, C. You are my holy child - never give up. Never talk back to Jesus - ever!"

"Honey, how do we know when church is done?" The answer is pretty obvious, but she tells me anyways, "Mommmm...my 102 dolphins tell me." Thus ends our play session. Hope you get the chance to 'go to church' someday too.
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2 comments:

Kelly said...

ROTFLOL

Where to begin? How to comment? Oh thank you for sharing this! I know my Piper is going to put me through this! You go, Chloe!

Jennifer said...

That is absolutely the funniest thing I've heard in a very long time! I am so glad that the 102 dolphins didn't tell her it was over for quite a while. So, did you end up with writers cramp??? And, you do realize that this is one of things that you will have to laminate, then pull out during one of her dates when she is a teenager?!?

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