Apr 27, 2010

Mystery Problem

The problem is not a mystery...it's what's causing the problem that remains a mystery. See these bushes:They have been decimated by the mystery azalea bush eating monster - the tree too. These bushes used to be twice their size. They used to have such thick foliage. The promise of lots of blooms during spring and summer was eminent. And then this carnage. I was devastated. I asked everyone what we could do. What type of creature eats innocent azalea bushes? The poor things look like someone went crazy with the pruners and then ripped off all the leaves. But I can promise you I (nor did any of my people) commit such an act.

We were beside ourselves. We wanted to set up a video camera and get proof. But it only happens at night. We're not the high tech kind of people. We don't have the proper lighting to illuminate the area in order to see what we're recording during the pitch black of night. So that option was out.

Then we (I) had a most genius plan. I've seen/heard of instances where you put a garden gnome or ceramic animal out in the garden and it tricks the unwanted invaders into thinking something bigger than them is already in the garden and therefore they're not welcome or wanted. So...there I am playing a psychology game on our 'monster' - they're probably just bunnies, but the vicious type.

I chose this adorable little puppy dog to place in the garden. A LOT of thought went into choosing just the right type of lawn ornament. I knew it would be a reflection of us and didn't want to freak the neighbors out or anything. There were too many options of what to choose truth be told. So in the end I ended up picking out the cute puppy. I guess gullible, naive and 'walk all over me' is the message we wanted to send out instead of threatening, treacherous and mean. The monster scoffed at the sweet puppy. Our ceramic (actually resin) dog did nothing to curb his midnight appetite for our shrubberies.

A sweet friend, who is experienced in all matters of gardening, suggested something so atrocious I actually laughed out loud when she mentioned it. She said that she knew that fox urine worked to keep critters away. Hmmmmm. My first question was, "who in the world goes around collecting all this urine?" I guess the answer wasn't important. The fact is that it works and now we can fix our problem.

So...we go to Lowes and ask for fox urine. Of course they don't carry that, but some young, hip dude who worked there said he heard that human pee did the trick just as good, so don't go waste your money on all that expensive fox urine when you've got plenty of human pee-ers in your house. I'm thinking maybe he was playing us.

But of course we tried it. Being the ever cost efficient one that I am, I'm also going to opt for the free option of any variety. If that means my boys must pee in a jar so that we can be rid of the monster bunny, so be it. I will spare you the picture of the pee jar. I left in the garage with strict instructions to all boys in my house that they MUST pee in that jar if they love their mother and want to see her happy because her azalea bushes are blooming again. They must take one for the team. It's not that hard anyways - it was actually probably very convenient for them.

So, once a week, me and my magic formula in a yellow container, march around the house making a bee-line for my left-for-dead bushes. I pour the scary human pee all around the bushes and lift up a quick prayer for results.

I kid you not...human pee IS just as effective as fox pee. And I have proof! Look at this, people:

It lives!! It grows!! It makes me (and ceramic puppy) happy! Granted, there are only 4 blooms on it - but look at the life it exudes! It has leaves. Just in case you can't see well enough, let me give you a close up picture of my pride and joy:

A lot of blood, sweat and tears (and other bodily fluids) went into this beloved flower. I want to savor this moment. Hard work and a little intimidation pays off in the end. Mystery critter - beware. We are armed, waiting and ready!



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