Mar 9, 2011

We're On TV!

I'm thinking that maybe we've been watching a bit too much Food Network lately. Let me tell you how I know. My beloved off-spring have decided to make their own cooking show and narrate it as they are making their own lunches - EVERY SINGLE DAY! This is how I know. This is pure craziness I tell you. Where do these people come up with this?

Everyday before lunch, Chloe asks, "Boys, do you want to do our cooking shows while we're getting lunch today?" To which they both reply with equal vigor, "YES!" Let the good times begin. Today I decided to stop what I was doing and document this event. I'm not sure how long this stint will last, so I wanted to make sure and capture every crazy minute of it.

In the first kitchen we have Chloe. Her show is titled: "The Perfect Lunch". The entire premise of her show is how to set things pretty, like on the table and on your plate (in her own words). She is meticulous about cutting everything and placing it in the exact right position on her plate. Because you know, there is a wrong and a right way to do everything and she is only going to do the right way. She slices, she dices, she arranges...with her, it's all about the presentation. If she didn't learn anything from her mother, she at least learned that!




In the second kitchen we have Bennett. His show is called: "What To Do In Case Of An Explosion". The premise of this ramshackle event is, "don't put a fork in the microwave cuz there will be an explosion", spoken like a true narrator. He says the best part of the show is "you get to watch me chomp". These are apparently important soundbites for the show. Lastly, he has one final important part - eating the burnt food that no one else wants.



In the third kitchen we have Gavin. He calls his show: "Hubert's Happy Bar". He tells me that it's about how to make identical, 30 minute meals for 2 months in a row and then watch him eat the same thing over and over and over on every show. Lot's of originality going on here.

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And last but not least...me. This is all taking part in my kitchen, under my roof. Not that I have my own show or anything - but the kids would just love it if I did. They keep telling me, "Mom, you have to go on the Food Network with this recipe - everyone will love it." That's when I expose the biggest scam of my entire life...everything I cook is borrowed from someone else. I don't do anything original. I'm a fake. I don't smile while I'm chopping onions like dear Giada. She doesn't trip over the dog while she's cooking. She also doesn't run out of ingredients in the middle of a show and have to run to the store (like I so often do). She never tastes something after she's done cooking it and says, "Oooo gross...you guys are so not going to like that. Don't make that recipe at home."

Welcome to my world. Here, food is under and over cooked often. I forget ingredients, I can't get everything done and on the table at the same time. At least one person at the table hates at least one food item on the table at every meal. Giada's hair is always perfect, her clothes never wrinkled and her make-up is on. Therefore, you can assume that rarely is my hair done, my make-up on and I'm usually in jeans and a t-shirt. But the one thing we do have in common is - I am so going to make that table look good! Something about this meal will look good - I'm determined about that! That's my show - "Real Life Cooking with Mommy". I have a feeling it's much more attainable for the rest of the population.
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