Jul 4, 2016

The Child Roaster


The last several months I have seen a rise in the phrase, "Child Roaster" coming from the lips of my beloved offspring and normally landing in my direction. I take great pride in this. The reason being, it usually means I have out-smarted one of my smart-mouthed adolescents. That takes skill people. 

If you can "roast" another person, it simply means you have a come back that has more snark, more sarcasm, or can simply out wit a person in response to something they said. This has never been my strong suit. I usually have the perfect response about a day too late. So this new title comes somewhat as an unexpected surprise for me.

It happens like this: say Chloe says, "I never get anything on my clothes, why do I have to change?" and I'll reply with something like, "oh ya, what's that?" whilst pointing to a stain on her shorts. Simple mom stuff, really. (This is actually a very lame example. Unfortunately for us, I can't remember some of my better roasts...when I can I'll be sure to post an addendum).

This then elicits the donning of such praise from Bennett in the form of the sing-songy phrase: "Oooooooh you've been roasted in the toaster by the child roaster!" Bam! There it is. I really have no idea how I do it. I think it's all a matter of perception. I've been responding like this to my children their entire lives but have only recently been bestowed with the coveted title of "Child Roaster". 

It's been a long time coming apparently. I've worked hard to earn this cred. The sad thing is, it can leave as quickly as it came, so I need to make the most of it while I can. I may never again be in such an enviable position.

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