.
...from Bennett....
This is the exact phraseology of what he felt I needed to hear today:
"Mom. I think you need to take it easy on Chloe a bit more. She doesn't have as much experience as me and Gavin, so you might not want to talk harshly to her and be a bit more patient. Have a kind voice with her. Try not to make her cry."
It would be very nice, in my little opinion, if he might take his own advice to heart. But, it seems that I'm the one needing it at the moment.
Believe it or not, Mommies have friends too. I don't get as many playdates with my friends as I would like, but I sure do enjoy every moment spent with them. As much fun as it is being a Mommy, it is still super important to not loose yourself in this wonderful job. Being a Mommy is only part of who I am. I'm a wife, friend, daughter, sister and part of a much larger community in my neighborhood, city and world. How sad it would be if I lost sight of all the other parts that make up 'me'. I wouldn't have the opportunity to learn, love, grow, and help others as much if I didn't experience this beautiful world in all my capacities.
A little side note is needed here to understand why these friendships are so important to me. I grew up believing you could only be friends with people just like you (who share the same beliefs in our little sub-culture, bubble world) - by no fault of my parents, though. I didn't know how to be a good friend. I had a lot of learning to do. I was scared of people not like me. I was afraid they'd somehow 'make me bad' or 'change what I believe'. Actually, the opposite happened when I started opening my heart and life to new people. First of all, I learned things I couldn't have dreamed of learning. I was accepted despite my (then) self righteous attitude towards life and others and these friendships slowly started teaching me to do the same. They broke down my 'safe' barrier. True love exists where God grows it and it started growing in my heart for people very similar and very dissimilar to me.
I want my children to know how your life can touch others whether you realize it or not. People are always reading the story of your life, watching you, seeing if your words and actions match up. I want them to know that friendships, like love are not conditional. You take the good with the bad. Sometimes God puts people in your path solely for your growth other times, you may be the one who benefits the life of another. Friendships are not about us - what we get out of them. I've had several friends that made me wonder why we were even friends at all - and then I remember...it's not always about me...maybe this friendship is for their benefit, not mine.
Below is a tribute to all my friends. I will not write your name, for you and I know who you are and I want to respect your privacy. But I also don't ever want to forget these beautiful people God has placed in my path on this journey of life and all the wonderful things I have learned by just having the opportunity of being each of these precious souls' friend.
I only lived near this first person for 6 months. At first she was very shy and I felt very aggressive in trying to befriend her, but I wanted her to know she wasn't alone even if she felt it in this new state far away from her family. I don't normally try to 'push' myself on others, but I did want her to know she was welcome in my home anytime for any reason. Finally she started realizing that I meant it and our friendship grew and became so precious to me. I could totally be myself and we would commiserate together about the 'bad mommy' days and laugh about almost anything. We would stay up all hours of the night playing games and laughing like kids. I love how as couples, we banter back and forth. I felt so free to be me in her presence. She didn't judge my mommy abilities or lack thereof. Although we no longer live in the same neighborhood, everytime we talk or see each other, it's as if we pick up from the last time and there was never any time or distance between us. She has the most patience I've ever seen, is soft spoken (so unlike me) and has a quiet dignity which I so appreciate. She serves her family beautifully and humbly.
I literally 'bumped' into this next friend at a meeting I was attending. Since we bumped into each other in the hallway and initiated a conversation, I figured I may as well sit next to her since I 'knew' her now. That freak connection brought together an amazing, deep friendship. We had so many odd things in common. These bonded us. I have since moved away, yet the bond God grew between us is as strong as ever. She has no pretense. She is who she is all the time. I really appreciate that about her. She asks tough questions and gets me thinking. She's very creative and comes up with fun activities to do with her kids. She listens with compassion. She encourages me in my mothering and homeschooling. We have fun sharing what we're both learning with each other and joyful at the growth of the other and hurt when the other hurts.
My next friend I've known the longest. However, 14 years went by without us talking. God restored my oldest friendship and grew it into what it is now. We share a history. She knows the kid in me very well. Although we don't live close by, we make a point to visit once a year to show we care and to bring our families together. She is very strong emotionally. She's committed 100% to whatever she puts her mind to. Her giggle cracks me up - I just love to hear her laugh. I love how she calls my own parents "mom and dad". She's seen the worst in me and loves me anyways. She's been through many trials and always trusts God to see her through them and I've been blessed to watch her grow in grace and patience when she'd rather sit there and throw a temper tantrum. We can be totally honest with our feelings about anything with each other.
I've only known this next friend a little over a year, yet she has touched my heart in a way few others have. She is from a different culture. Her love for her culture is contagious and she has taught me so much and given me such an appreciation for the beauty and uniqueness that is her culture. She has a huge heart. She is very giving. She is super smart. I love watching her with her children. She always calls them "my love" - such an affirming, beautiful thing. She's always teaching them, never shoving them aside to get out of her way so she can do grown-up things. She just teaches them about life in such a natural way. She wants them to be near and they want to be near her. We can sit and talk for hours about every and anything. I always walk away learning something from her. She appreciates her husband in the same way I do mine. We both love the simple things in life. I love her view on community. I especially am thankful that there's no word for 'goodbye' in her language because I don't think I could say goodbye to her even though she's moving soon. I am a better person for having the chance to know her.
I also have a history with this next friend. We've been friends for 10 years now. We journeyed down a whole new road together both spiritually and as homeschool buddies. I've learned so much from her. Her brain is an idea generator. She comes up with tons of awesome, fun, creative things to do with the kids. She has a beautiful smile and contagious laugh. I love how she loves her kids and how she appreciates all children. It is so easy for her to be on their level and make them each feel special and wanted by her. The respect, love and admiration she shows her husband is unwavering. There is such peace in her home and it is always open to anybody. She has a huge heart and offers what she has to anyone who needs it, be it time, food, a room, a word of encouragement. Best of all, we've had some doozy disagreements and worked through them in amazing ways. To her, the friendship is always more important than the disagreement and she always makes that priority. I learned that disagreements aren't friendship breakers, rather friendship growers and it only makes the friendship stronger. She is so loyal. And she always takes all my decorating advice.
Another friend of mine is a neighbor. She is one of the strongest women I know - but she has to be. She has a mentally and physically handicapped child, the oldest of her three children. Her life is devoted to her. Everything she does is centered around the needs of this child. It is an amazing testament to her love and devotion. She endures stares, hardships, fear, inconvenience of time, money and extra energy - all for love. Her younger children are better for having had this sister they always look out for. They have learned more about life through her than they could have had their sister been 'normal'. For them, this is 'normal'. I'm forever amazed at my friend's ability to make life as 'normal' as possible for her family even though the many obstacles they (as a family) have to go through on a daily basis. She is so selfless. She has few friends and moral support, yet still pushes on day after day. Her strength comes from God alone.
My husband is my best friend. We were friends before we were "in love". He threw rocks at me to show me how much he loved me. I giggled and pretended to be upset. He is an awesome listener. He listens to all my opinions and loves me anyways. We have so much fun playing together. He has taught me to appreciate nature so much more than I did. The sunsets are more beautiful when we share them together. He has taught me what humility is. He has taught me what unconditional love is. His gentleness always calms me down. I don't like his music, but he likes mine. We get into laughing fits together and end up crying we laugh so hard. He's hilarious. He talks in circles sometimes and that only makes me laugh harder. He always encourages me in life, homeschool and on our spiritual journey. He likes what I like - or at least has learned to have an appreciation for something he never would have before. Also, one of the reasons he's a keeper is because he cooks when I'm too tired - now that's a true friend!
My mom is also my friend. It's something we've been blessed to grow into as I've grown older. We share books back and forth like nobody's business. We love to talk about the same things and appreciate the same things. I'm so lucky to have a constant source of encouragement. She thinks everything I do is awesome - what a huge confidence builder. She likes me and I like her. I know she prays for me whether I ask her to or not - what a nice feeling to know you're being thought of all the time. Although we no longer live close by, our relationship has grown from being apart. We appreciate the little things more now. We've gotten to walk and grow in new freedoms together...which is so important when you both have experienced such bondage and know where each other has been. I love how she listens whenever I need to vent, cry, tell her a funny, sad or unbelievable story. Many of the things that come normal to me now as a mom are from having such a great example growing up. Although, I must confess...she has no clue how to play Barbies.
Believe it or not, I've even met some beautiful souls I would consider friends online through this wonderful medium of blogging. They probably have no idea I consider them friends. But I've learned alot by reading their blogs. Both of these girls are amazing writers. One knows just the right order to put her words in and her blogs flow like delicious melting chocolate. I'm always hooked when I read and when I'm done I walk away content like after I've read a good book. She's such an encourager. Another is a hilarious writer. It's hard to write funny, but she pulls it off perfectly. The heart for her children and husband is beautiful. I appreciate people who don't take themselves too seriously and can laugh at themselves in the good and bad times.
Thank you all for the lessons you've taught me and thank you God for this beautiful journey called 'my life'.
I'm not speaking of a new superhero here. I'm talking about a particular son of mine who has an obsessive compulsive problem. And it's called 'I Must Change Everyone's Icons At Least 10 Times A Day". This is a computer related problem, maybe even a Mac induced problem. Maybe if we dig deeper we can discover who or what is at the root of it.
When Daddy got the family our very own iMac we all did a collective 'oooh and ahhh'. We were thrilled with our new toy...uh, I mean, equipment that enables us to write and interpret data and make spreadsheets. Silly us, like we thought we would use this to do anything more than look up awesome Star Wars, Legos, Superhero and Princess icons and then download them into our 1 gigabite folder titled "Cool Icons" (yes, it seems we are using all of our potential memory to house downloaded pictures of toys). At least, that's what Bennett thinks it's sole purpose entails. I of course use it for much loftier purposes such as checking my always empty email box, writing super important blogs and uploading all my photos into my photo gallery.
You would think my sweet husband works for Apple the way he evangelizes about the product to anyone who will listen. We were his first converts. Many others have followed suit. Thus, it is with him who I would like to lay the sole blame with Bennett's icon obsessiveness. He's the one who taught him that he can change that boring old photo of a folder on the desktop to a super nifty graphic of say, Darth Vader. Who knew?
Thus began Bennett's spiral into working the copy and paste button every 7 minutes throughout the day. And to make it more fun, we each have our own folder on the desktop (who even knows what's in them, but at least they look cool - that's all that counts). So, when he gets the fancy to change his icon, he MUST change all five icons. Because obviously, there are rules to 'Icon Changery'. In case you aren't familiar with them, let me be of assistance:
1. Both Mommy and Chloe cannot be Princess Leah at the same time when using Star Wars icons
2. You must all be from the same episode of Star Wars at any given time.
3. You may not intermingle Bioncle and Star Wars icons. It is one or the other. All or nothing.
4. Bennett must always have the coolest icon.
5. As of today Gavin forbids Bennett from changing his icon without permission. You just gotta draw the line somewhere sometimes.
6. Chloe is smitten with Bennett's computer abilities and sits next to him as he verbally walks her through his icon changery. She giggles alot and says 'okay' in all the right places. A willing audience builds self-confidence (a very important feature in computer work).
7. You must change icons as soon as you step out of bed. There has been a whole 12 hours of no icon changing. You must get to work immediately.
These are but a few of the oh-so-fun times you can have when you teach your children simple computer skills. Way to go Bennett. You have mastered the first and most important computer skill - making your desktop look super cool. Now, let's see what else there is to do on this thing....
p.s. - I'm not taking this latest icon personally. I know this is not how he feels about me. I'm sure he chose it based on it's 'cool factor'. Really...who wouldn't want to look like they're stuck in hot tar and screaming at the top of their lungs?
We found yet another event to celebrate (like we needed an excuse) - Mid-Summer's Night, the longest day of the year. The kids must have been counting down the days till this, the summer solstice (which I just learned about, like, in college - how do they know this stuff already?). They kept asking me, "Mommy, how are we going to celebrate the summer solstice?" I prefer to refer to it as the rest of the commoners and say 'the longest day of the year' or 'mid-summer's night'. Either way, I couldn't explain the whole 'solstice' thing in a coherent manner if anyone happened to ask, so I tend to stick with vocabulary I know.
Gavin's smart idea was to make a cupcake for each of the hours of the day the sun was up. I like his train of thought - only problem with that is we're going to be eating cupcakes all night long making the trip to the pool the next day a little nerve racking if you plan on wearing any type of spandex covering.
Chuck's idea was to sleep on the trampoline and gaze at the stars until we fell asleep. Very romantic, but I don't think the kids care about romance. So, we opted to look thru the telescope before hopping over the dewy grass and jumping head long into the tent set up in the back yard. Since it was Chuck's idea, he got the pleasure of sleeping outside with the kiddos. Lesson learned: camping is much more fun done NOT in a suburban neighborhood backyard!
We thought a bug walk at dark with our flashlights would also be fun, but that didn't happen since Chloe fell asleep on my lap just as it started to get dark. Plus, if you think about it, what would we do if we actually found a bug in the dark with only a teensy-tiny flash light to illuminate the creepy-crawly creature. I don't know that we thought that idea out to it's fullest extent and am rather glad we had to skip it. I find it hard to look at bugs in the daylight, let alone the dark.
Of course, what would Mid-Summer's Night be without a Dress Up For Dinner Night with the wonderfully fun theme of 'bugs and flowers'. My friend Kim was in town visiting and seemed just as excited about our crazy dinner dress up party as we were. People started getting their costumes ready hours before dinner - I was impressed. Needless to say, we went through much glue, construction paper and research to pick just the right outfit to wear.
And here is the group picture! What a silly bunch. Gavin and I actually had to look through a book to come up with something creative. He chose a scorpion fly (thus, the ninja looking get-up). I am a Black-eyed Susan. Bennett is a fire-fly. Kim is a lady-bug. Chloe is a butterfly. And Chuck, my dear husband who is extremely secure in his man-hood, is a purple petunia. And there you have it. We had a blast celebrating the longest day of the year. If nothing else, it was definitely memorable!
These snippets of conversation occurred between Chloe and myself today. Nothing really prompted her to say any of this. These things have obviously been weighing heavily on her mind. Let's take a sneak peek into the mind of Chloe....
Chloe: Mommy. I like chicken bobs.
Mommy: Oh really? That's good to know.
Chloe: So, if you want to cook chicken bobs tonight, I'm okay with that.
In her world chicken bobs are equivalent to skewers or k-bobs on the grill. She typically doesn't eat meat (by her own choice). Thankfully, the chicken bobs we make pass the highly sensitive taste bud test of our very own 'in house' princess and food critic.
Chloe: Mommy, can I tell you somfin that's not good about be'in the littlest?
Mommy: You may.
Chloe: I don't like that I don't get to command anyone.
In her world, everyone gets to command her. So, I guess I can sympathize at the level of 'unfairness' she's already facing going into the world. She explained how Bennett always commands her and Gavin commands him and Mommy commands Gavin and Daddy commands Mommy. I'm so glad she's finally seen the light and recognizes chain of command. However, Chuck was quick to explain that her ever-loving brothers are not meant to command her, but love and play with her. Only Mommies and Daddies may command their kids. Your turn is coming Sweetie, just wait patiently. We also explained that 'commanding people' isn't all its cracked up to be because no listens to those with the (legitimate) 'power' to 'command'.
It always cracks us up when she speaks of 'commanding' someone. You'd think we are some super strict authoritarians who wield a whip and rod and walk around with grim faces all day forever pointing out all the rules that we are commanding our young subjects to live by. This couldn't be farther from the truth. Chloe just has control issues...at the ripe young age of 4. Her belief states that "the louder, whinier, higher pitched and more often I speak - the more everyone should listen to me and then I will finally be 'in command'. " I personally believe this is her life goal. Unfortunately, this does not fit in with our parenting philosophy. So, there's always a bit of tension when it comes to 'dethroning the princess'. We are making positive strides though.
Math was never my strong suit in school. I enjoyed it, but wasn't especially skilled at it. I don't think in math terms. I'm too right brained for that. Plus, I grew up with a Dad who was a genius when it came to all things math, electronics, flow-charts and computers. So, being the caring and loving parent that he was, he always tried to find ways to encourage me in my math woes. His encouragement came in the form of word problems during dinner. What started as an encouraging little challenge to push my brain to think in mathematical terms (that were so foreign to me) so I could get dessert once I got the correct answer, inevitably turned into my melting into my chair in tears because I just 'didn't get it'. And the problem always seemed to involved someone going on a train at a certain speed - I so don't relate to trains. This was 'normal' to me. It even grew into a joke once I became an adult and my Dad would still pull a word problem out of his hat whenever we sat down at the dinner table together.
Now that I'm 'all grown up' with kids of my own, you'd think I would enjoy the occasional 'word problem at dinnertime' parental privilege. Like I said, I don't even think like that. Obviously, I'm more along the lines of seeing what type of cool costume we can all come up with and wear to the dinner table (notice this does not take one ounce of mathematical skill). So, you would understand my utter shock when Gavin comes at me with a random word problem today. My first thought was "Did Grandpa tell you to do this?"
We're all outside enjoying the beauty of the day. The boys are bouncing basketballs, Chloe's riding her bike and Chuck and I are working in the garden. When out of the blue, Gavin throws a word problem at me. Hello. It's not time for math. Just go bounce your ball and quit thinking. However, this is fun to him. This is who he is. He's always thinking and he's always thinking in word problems.
This is the 'problem' I'm supposed to solve right there on the spot (without paper, pencil or a calculator). "Mom. Say I bounce this ball 1 time every second and I do that for 2 and a quarter minutes...how many times would I bounce the ball?" Uh.....do I have to answer that? Hmmm. Let me quickly turn on the left side of my brain and I'll get back to you. Thankfully, we're only talking 4th grade math here, so my intimidation factor is not quite at it's peak yet. I think I can do this. I was thrilled to give him the answer of '135 times' in just under 5 minutes. "That's right. Good job, Mom." Thanks, Gav.
But what's so funny is, just this week, Gavin was having a rough time doing some math problems and was very frustrated. But he still came to me after completing them and said, "Mom, I really like math. I just don't like how hard it is for me." What a neat way to look at it. He doesn't want to quit and give up like I did. He doesn't see it as defining how 'smart' or 'un-smart' he is. He just sees it as something harder than most things, but sill something he enjoys. I wish I could have seen it that way as a kid. Then maybe I wouldn't have been so intimidated by it. Maybe if I could have gone at my own pace or seen it around me in real examples in areas of my daily life (which I'm sure is what my Dad was trying to accomplish) .
I've always held to the opinion that learning happens 24/7. It isn't something that's only done in the confines of a building during the hours of 8 - 3. It's happening all the time...sometimes, we're just not paying attention or listening to our children to see how they're assimilating what they're learning into their little worlds. Today, Gavin just had a huge breakthrough in math. He enjoyed it. He did it on his own terms. He incorporated several different functions. And last but not least, he 'taught' me...the one way you can always tell if someone has learned something, they're able to explain it to someone else. That's confidence. Now maybe that I'm a 'grown-up' I finally have a little more confidence in my math too.
My children just love Jeff Corwin...you know, the cool guy on Animal Planet who traverses the globe to bring us awesome views of animals in their natural habitat. Bennett aspires to be Jeff. He can't get enough Jeff Corwin. He can't read enough books about animals. Bennett is Animal Planet. So, it was of little surprise that he would copy certain phrases he would hear from Jeff. He is especially fond of the word 'scat'. This is the word Jeff uses on air to politely refer to animal dung. He has been known to rummage through it a time or two (Jeff, not Bennett) in order to find out what an animal has eaten (that right there is one of the biggest reasons I'm not a biologist or world traveling animal hunter/ecologist). Gross. None-the-less - this brings huge grins to my children's faces and what can I say? They're learning! They're enjoying the process and I don't have to personally touch any scat...so it's a win/win situation for all involved: me, the kids, the animals and the educational process.
This is all leading to an important story, trust me. Recollect with me, if you will, about the one child who has always had 'poopie' issues. There are a plethora of blogs devoted to this undesirable topic. Do I like to just write about gross things? I think not. My life is surrounded by many gross things....most of them just happen to come out of Bennett.
So...we're just all hanging out yesterday. Chuck and I were downstairs reading, the boys in their room playing and Chloe napping. When all of the sudden, Bennett rushes out of his room, stands over the banister with Gavin beside him (smiling) and announces, "Mom. Dad. There seems to be some scat in our room and I have no idea how it got there. It didn't come from me or Gavin." After asking him to repeat it a second and third time, just to make sure we heard correctly, we look at each other like 'who's going to take this one?' Chuck knew he didn't have an out. He has the stomach of steel - not me. One look at my gaging self and he headed up stairs trying to look serious.
Best case scenario, we had a wild critter loose in the house. Worse case scenario...Bennett was at it again. Oh ya, and guess who sat in it as well as kneeled in it? The same person who first explained the 'case of the mysterious scat', that's who. Let's just say that Chuck is a genius detective and was able to trace the scat back to it's original owner and no, we didn't end up finding any uninvited house guests.
Poor Bennett...he's such an awesome, funny, helpful, kind-hearted kid. I feel bad about his 'scat legacy'. I'm sure it'll make great material for his own stand-up routine at The Improv one day. He's a good sport...scat issues and all.
What greater compliment is there than to be mimicked by your little ones? It was super cute when the boys did it. But for some reason, when Chloe mimicks me, it touches my heart a little deeper. Maybe because she's seriously trying to learn how to be a mommy/grown-up lady - what she wants more than anything in this world.
Just the other day, we were out running errands together and she used her own money to buy some extremely important princess lip gloss. On the way home she giddily explained, "Mommy, I know exactly what I'm going to do when I get home: play mommy and make-up." She asks me why I do everything as well as how to do everything and then I hear her repeat it to her babies.
Just yesterday we went somewhere where there was live music playing and since it was hot out and I was sweating, I decided to stand up and just move to the beat of the music, guess who followed suit - exactly...because obviously, that's the right and only way to do things - mommy's way. I didn't invite her to join me...she just HAD to because she HAD to do 'the mommy thing' if she is to be perceived as a real mommy. She was highly disappointed that I wasn't wearing a dress and clacky shoes though.
As hard as she tries, it just blesses my heart to hear her serious little girl voice saying things like, "Mommy, look at all those shamleaves" while pointing to a patch of clover in the grass. Or seriously asking me, "Mommy, may you please give me some chocklick milk, please. Thanks you." Or when she tells me a story about something her and the boys did 'yestermorning' or 'yesternight'. All things reminding me of how very 4 she is.
Just tonight she begged me to swiffer the kitchen floors. How could I say 'no'? This was her expression of love for me today and her way of legitimizing her 'bigness'. While she was doing it, she asked me, "Mom, could you please turn some music on? Don't you always listen to music when you clean?" Of course I do - I jam out. Her last words before bedtime tonight were asking me if she could swiffer more of the house in the morning.
Although the endless hanging on me sometimes bristles against my skin and I sometimes want to shake her off, how can I when every so often she reaches over and rubs my arm, caresses my hand, kisses my shoulder or pushes my hair behind my ears - all things I do to her through-out the day.
My reactions to her now are setting her 'default buttons' for when she actually does grow up. If I respond in frustration and impatience every time she asks a question, she'll eventually stop asking questions and in turn react the same way to those around her when in the same situation. What a beautiful, all-be-it sometimes daunting, opportunity to practice living out love through-out the mundane tasks of the day. Afterall, I AM under her microscope right now. If I hope for her to act patient, I must act patient first. If I hope she shows respect to others, I must show her respect now. If I want her to have a servant's heart, she needs to see me being a servant to my family now. My words don't have as much affect as my actions do in her little world right now.
How thankful I am that God's mercies are new every morning because I certainly need them. Most of all, she sees me fail daily and we both learn from my mistakes. I have no pretense about being a 'perfect mother', I don't even want to try. I don't want to raise 'perfect children'. I want the ups and downs of life to teach them. My only hope is that they learn to live loved and love others. And out of that love flows forgiveness, patience and kindness when they, others and I fail. What a beautiful circle of life!
At some point in time we must each come to terms with the fact that we are indeed 'stuck in an era'. I openly admit mine is the much beloved era of the 90's. I'm even proud to say the era in which Michael Jordan dominated the sport of basketball. And it wouldn't be too far fetched to say that I idolized the man. I loved basketball - because of him. I loved all things Chicago Bulls - because of him. I followed the NBA and NCAA as closely as any male fan out there - because of him. He kinda defined my era.
Despite the fact that I was still a bow head well into my 20's (and no, I'm not including any pictures that can one day be used against me) and despite the fact that I had big, poofy hair well past it's 'hey day' and despite the fact that I was a girly-girl...I loved Michael Jordan. This infatuation went well into the beginnings of our marriage in 96. Can you believe I even sent him a wedding invitation?
Well...I feel better now getting this off my chest. My kids can understand me a little bit better knowing this part of me. I was 19 when my favorite commercial came out...I still find myself humming it every now and then. Oh how I wished I could have been in it! I definitely wanted to "be like Mike".
If there's ever a 90's Party - you'll find me dressed in all my Bulls' gear, black and red, with a big obnoxious bull on my big hat on top of my big hair with a bow in the back. I'll also probably be wearing a big, oversized Bull's shirt over leggings with my white socks and Keds. I'm proud to admit I'm stuck in 'The Michael Jordan Era'.
We are the proud owners of a barn swallow nest (including the momma, pappa and baby birds) which rests serenely on our front porch up in the top corner of an archway. They chose to make our home their home last year....and we couldn't be more thrilled. We learned so much from watching them. And the fun thing is, they return to the same nest year after year.
So when our little bird family arrived this spring, we were filled with anticipation of how many eggs there might be and excited to watch the mommy and daddy birds feeding the baby chicks. I never imagined this would be a science experiment gone bad.
Today, as I was walking back inside through the front porch, I happened to look down and notice the huge white mess that is the side effect of lodging birds throughout the spring. I was going to remind the kids to spray off the porch when I noticed a slightly larger mass in the middle of the mess. I gasped. Upon hearing such a noise from their mother, the kids (as well as the neighbor kids) all ran in my direction.
To my horror, there lay a tiny, helpless chick on the ground - evidently pushed out by it's nest mates. The kids were full of questions and being the n0n-biologist that I am, I had very few answers. Everyone had some sort of suggestion, "Let's put it back in the nest....Let's make a nest for it and nurse it until it grows strong and can fly...Let's examine it."
What was I to do? It appeared to be dead, but upon closer examination by all 5 children, they noticed the slightest bit of movement and all declared together, "It's alive!" and jointly turned their heads to me to find out what wisdom I was going to dole out.
How does one nicely say, "this adorable, little, fuzzy, blind creature was most likely pushed out of his cozy and perhaps slightly too small nest by his greedy, hungry nest-mates while reaching for food and the mommy and daddy bird will do nothing at all to save the poor chick and chalk it up as a loss and one less mouth to feed - so goes the cycle of life. And we can do nothing about it. If we interfere, the mommy and daddy will abandon the rest of the chicks too."
I felt like Scrooge. I felt like I was teaching them the cruel, cold, hard facts of life before they were able to wrap their little minds around this awful concept. My advice...leave it be, this was just the cycle of life. The collective sigh could be heard through-out the neighborhood.
Then I got bombarded with the "whys". "Why can't we put him back in his nest? Why can't we feed it and watch it grow? Why did he try to fly out? Why won't the mommy bird come take care of it? Why isn't there anything we can do?" I wasn't prepared to teach these lessons today.
Thankfully, Gavin came up with the most compassionate solution, "Let's bury it" he said. Why didn't I think of that? Then everyone moved into action. We found a nice burial site out in the back yard. Some dug with shovels, others with their hands. Some helped me find something to pick it up with (which totally grossed me out!) and other's were thinking of cleanliness and safety and got the hose to wash off the porch with. We were an efficient and compassionate burial team.
We gave our regards to the poor bird, talked some more about the cycle of life, especially in the wild and felt better that the poor thing could 'decompose properly under the dirt' (Gavin's terminology - of course he was only thinking of practicality) and not be left as food for some wild animal (like we have any in our little suburban neighborhood).
This begs one question...is one ever ready to bury a bird? Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do, whether it's in your job description or not.
Nature is a great teacher. We can learn much by watching, listening and respecting it.
Hi. This is actually Chuck, Cori's husband. She's asleep right now and doesn't know I'm messing with her blog. This will be the first, and hopefully only, story written on Mommy Stories by the Daddy.
If you're reading this, you've probably enjoyed the hundreds of stories told here by Cori. Most of you have probably never met her. A few of you know Cori, but I wish you could know her like I do. In this space, she writes stories of her own inadequateness, foibles and failures all the while making us laugh with her signature self-deprecating style.
While all the stories are true, no one is harder on Cori than herself. That's one of the things I love about her. Her humility, flexibility and teachability when it comes to being a Mommy is to be admired.
Ever since I've know Cori, she has wanted to be a Mommy. I distinctly remember her telling me once long ago when we were in junior high that when she grew up she wanted to get married and be a mommy. I remember thinking, "yeah, you'd be a good mom". Wow, was that an understatement! Cori is a great mommy!
Some people were born to be engineers, pilots or veterinarians. Well, Cori was born to be a mommy. I will never forget the first few days after we brought our oldest son home from the hospital after he was born. I felt completely clueless, but it was like she had been a mommy for years. I remember wondering, "how does she know all this stuff?!" She's a natural, plain and simple.
She effortlessly balances all the roles of "motherhood". Encourager, nurturer, teacher, nurse, mediator, short order cook, house maid, intercessor, playmate and referee. All of those just about every day. She does get tired and she does get frustrated sometimes. But there's nothing at all she'd rather be doing. I admire her so much. I wish I could be more like her.
I tell her all the time that she is the perfect mom. The perfect mommy for our kids. She is the exact mommy that they need. I believe God gives us children as a gift and that we have a tremendous responsibility to love them, teach them, protect them, provide for them and help them become better than ourselves. Cori does just that everyday and I think - no, I know - she is doing an outstanding job.
Let me tell you why I think she's the best mom this side of everyone. I can sum it up in one quality that sometimes still boggles my mind: sacrificial love.
She always, and I mean ALWAYS puts the needs of our kids above her own needs, even if that means she is inconvenienced or is put into a situation less comfortable for her. The consistency she shows when it comes to this is amazing. She has taught me so much since she became a mommy and I am a better dad and a better person for having the privilege of serving next to her for the past 9 years.
And I just wanted to thank her, publicly, for all of her hard work, all of the energy and tears she has spent over the years on being the best mommy she could be - not to get praise or thanks, but to better our kids. Everything she does is for them. I am extremely thankful for the model of love and vigilance and service that she shows our children and I love her more than she'll ever know.
Now, she will deny all this and claim I am making it all up and that I am just biased, so of course I would think good things about her. Don't listen to her. Remember, she is her own worst critic, so take any of her self-loathing with a grain of salt. I will probably spend most of the day tomorrow trying to make sure she doesn't delete this post. :)
Happy Mother's Day!
/cm
I'm not speaking of a new superhero here. I'm talking about a particular son of mine who has an obsessive compulsive problem. And it's called 'I Must Change Everyone's Icons At Least 10 Times A Day". This is a computer related problem, maybe even a Mac induced problem. Maybe if we dig deeper we can discover who or what is at the root of it.
1. Both Mommy and Chloe cannot be Princess Leah at the same time when using Star Wars icons
Chuck's idea was to sleep on the trampoline and gaze at the stars until we fell asleep. Very romantic, but I don't think the kids care about romance. So, we opted to look thru the telescope before hopping over the dewy grass and jumping head long into the tent set up in the back yard. Since it was Chuck's idea, he got the pleasure of sleeping outside with the kiddos. Lesson learned: camping is much more fun done NOT in a suburban neighborhood backyard!
Of course, what would Mid-Summer's Night be without a Dress Up For Dinner Night with the wonderfully fun theme of 'bugs and flowers'. My friend Kim was in town visiting and seemed just as excited about our crazy dinner dress up party as we were. People started getting their costumes ready hours before dinner - I was impressed. Needless to say, we went through much glue, construction paper and research to pick just the right outfit to wear.
And here is the group picture! What a silly bunch. Gavin and I actually had to look through a book to come up with something creative. He chose a scorpion fly (thus, the ninja looking get-up). I am a Black-eyed Susan. Bennett is a fire-fly. Kim is a lady-bug. Chloe is a butterfly. And Chuck, my dear husband who is extremely secure in his man-hood, is a purple petunia. And there you have it. We had a blast celebrating the longest day of the year. If nothing else, it was definitely memorable!
As hard as she tries, it just blesses my heart to hear her serious little girl voice saying things like, "Mommy, look at all those shamleaves" while pointing to a patch of clover in the grass. Or seriously asking me, "Mommy, may you please give me some chocklick milk, please. Thanks you." Or when she tells me a story about something her and the boys did 'yestermorning' or 'yesternight'. All things reminding me of how very 4 she is.
Bennett - aka: a vampire (not that we have any toy vampires lying around the house but....this was his third costume of choice; he also considered a soccer ball and a ninja but eventually settled on a vampire)
