This is how I was greeted by my children this morning. What does one say when one's children insist on dressing in such a manner, consider it fun, and even take themselves seriously in such a get-up? I was told that this was "The Elf Team" a new genre of Christmas superheroes. I don't know what else they do or what they're powers are - I was too busy rolling on the floor in laughter to hear all the details. Chloe and Bennett are both wearing homemade, crocheted Christmas outfits my Grandmother made for me over 30 years ago (and no, I do not plan on including a picture of myself in these beautiful handmade clothes. But it would make a fitting memoir, wouldn't it?). I don't think I really have anymore to say here...the picture speaks loud enough.
So....this is what my children do for fun...wouldn't you love to be a fly on the wall in this house?
We were eating the most delicious and un-nutritious breakfast the other day of donuts and pastries (we were out of town - what other 'cheap' choice did we have?). Everyone was thrilled with the idea and empowerment of selecting their very own sugar laden item of choice. Every ounce of thought, diligence and examination they could muster went into this process - hands all over the glass, taking forever since they don't want to mess up this once in a year selection process, people behind us tapping their feet and giving us huffy breaths - you know the drill. This is such a rare occurrence for us that the children take their decision VERY seriously - the item must be the biggest, chocolatyest, and/or have the best colored sprinkles.
After the 15 minute selection process was finally over, we all sit down at our very small, dingy table and commence the eating of the sugar high that we are calling 'breakfast' today. Fearing that they might have somehow, just maybe, made the wrong donut choice, they each ask for a bite of the others' donut. This seems to be ritual, whether it's breakfast, lunch or dinner. Just in case they didn't make the 'right' choice, they can quickly swap with the other with no one having to drudge their way through the eating process of an item they regretted picking under duress.
So, we are now at the sampling others' fares time of our little breakfast adventure. Bennett is admiring Chloe's chocolate swirl donut. He asks her for a bite. They each hold out their own donut to the other, quickly withdrawing if they feel the other is about to clamp down too large a bite. Bennett withdrawls his donut from Chloe's mouth twice before she's actually able to get a nibble out of his Boston creme filled eclair (we refer to his donut choice as a'horse leg' because of his propensity to always choose the largest thing whether he likes it or not). Chloe is a little more generous...she actually hands over her chocolate covered confection directly into mister stingy's hands.
Before I trudge on through this story, let me explain to the reader that Bennett had a VERY loose tooth prior to sitting down for this little delicacy. As he's chewing his rather large bite, we all hear a crunchy noise coming from his mouth. I remember thinking to myself, Chloe's donut must have had peanuts in it, although, I don't remember seeing any. Maybe they were under the chocolate covering...that's probably all it is. Other than that, none of us really paid too much mind to Bennett's noisy donut chewing. The kid always has something weird going on with him, so this wasn't so much out of the ordinary for us.
Right after that bite has made it's way down the digestive tract Bennett opens his mouth to show me something. He says, "Mom, look how loose my tooth is." In turn I reply, "Uh, Bennett, it's not loose, it's gone!" Then suddenly we all knew what that mysterious crunchy sound was. Bennett eating and swallowing his own tooth!!! Ewwww - gross!!! After we all had a good gag, laugh and moment of reflection, I tell Bennett, "Good luck explaining this one to the tooth fairy!" He's adamant about composing some sort of note explaining his bad luck. He is the victim in this whole scenario, after all. He's sure she'll side with him.
Dinner conversation usually supplies me with an endless amount of blog material. Tonight did not disappoint. Case and point: Bennett and Gavin while eating corn on the cob.
Bennett and Gavin sit next to each other at the table. Gavin still has the table manners of a 2 year old despite his 9 years. This fact comes as no surprise to anyone that knows him. Slurping, loud chewing, crumbs of all varieties around his placemat and under his chair are all unfortunately common despite our daily repertoire of 'Polite Manners at the Table' dialogue we give at each and every meal. We seem to be speaking the same language as Bennett and Chloe but have yet to discover which language Gavin understands because we're fairly certain its not English.
So, there are my two sweet boys sitting side by side politely trying to eat corn on the cob (yes, I know, it is indeed the greatest challenge ever when trying to eat mannerly at the table). But evidently Bennett can take it no more. He looks at Gavin and matter of factly says, "Gavin, could you please eat with your manners. I'm tired of getting all your drops of wetness on me". Those infamous 'drops of wetness' would be the corn juice (is there such a thing?) squirting out in Bennett's general direction with each bite Gavin chomps down on.
Gavin is enjoying each delicious bite of corn to its fullest, unaware of the rest of the family. But upon hearing Bennett's request almost spits out the remaining precious golden bits of corn during his laughing fit. Truth of the matter is, we all couldn't help having a little chuckle over such a odd request coming from the mouth of a six year old. Bennett always seems to have impeccable timing and a way with words.
I guess we need to implement a new 'Table Rule' - no getting drops of wetness on your siblings while eating!
The way our house is situated, the boys' room is over ours on the second story. We can normally hear each time someone falls out of bed, drops a book or kicks the wall repetitively with their foot for no apparent reason. With that being said, I was having difficulty sleeping last night and thought I heard noises coming from the boys' room. But I wasn't concerned enough to do anything about it. When I heard noises again, I walked over to the stairway and looked up. I saw the bathroom light on and heard the toilet flush. I decided it wasn't worth climbing up 16 steps in the middle of the night to check on one of my night walkers who just needed to go potty.
So I did what any other normal person would do...I went back to bed. But my 'mommy conscience' kept bugging me that something was just not right. Sleep was evasive. What other choice did I have but to muster enough muscle strength in my sleepy legs and go check on that little 'bump in the night' I heard much earlier?
I make my way upstairs in the pitch black and peek in the boys' room first. I see a hump in the middle of the room with blankets all over the place. For the life of me, I couldn't figure out what it was. I didn't have my glasses on so everything was blurry and hazy. I thought maybe that earlier sound in the bathroom was Gavin getting up to throw up and maybe he decided to sleep on the floor afterwards. But then suddenly he spoke to me, "Hi Mom". But his voice wasn't coming down from the floor, he was up on his bed. Now I'm really confused. I asked him, "What's this?" while pointing to the lump on the floor. He said, "It's Chloe."
Hmmmm....the saga is taking more turns than my brain could process at this dim hour of the morning. I replied with the only obvious question, "What's she doing sleeping on the floor in your room?" Then he answered, "She had a bad dream so Bennett went and got her and set her up on the floor between us." Awwwww, how sweet is that?! But as suddenly as I think that, I also think, what kind of loser parent am I that I ignore the 'bumps in the night' up stairs and let my 6 year old respond to my poor 4 year old's plea for help? Loser!
So obviously, I get nice and comfy on the floor next to Chloe and whisper in her ear how sorry I am that I didn't hear her calling for me. She's still wide awake and responds, "I didn't call you Mommy. I called Bennett. I knew he would help me." Does it get any sweeter than that?! My heart was bursting with emotion for the love and care my son just bestowed on his sister in the middle of the night without being prompted or asked to. I think he really is going to grow up to be a super hero.
As we sit down to dinner tonight, Bennett tells us "Everyday I wake up and think...My how the years are flying by - I'm already 6. Before you know it I'll be 20." Seriously, those exact words emanated from his very own lips. So...this is a thought that crosses your mind every morning? Are you sure you didn't steal this thought from me? Are you sure you're only 6 because right now you're sounding more like 56. How can a child understand the passage of time so well and the speed with which it evaporates? Thanks for the reminder, Bennett, that we need to seize the day - every day!
Bennett has just had an epiphany - he now knows what he's going to be when he grows up.
Drum roll please.....
Introducing Bennett the Falconer!
My son would like to grow up and train falcons for a living and catch them on his hands. This vocation was hugely popular in the Middle Ages - however, I'm not quite sure how he can use this skill in these post modern times. But Gavin does.
Gavin excited Bennett even more by declaring that he knew exactly where Bennett could put his skill to use in this metropolitan environment - at Medieval Times! Bennett had this far out look in his eyes like he could picture the whole thing. Then Gavin added whip cream and a cherry on top by telling him he could also be the Blue Knight and joust whenever he wasn't being a falconer.
It's just nice to know that my kids are thinking about the future! The world is at their fingertips. When you could be anything in the world you wanted to be - why not be a falconer?
Everyone knows that the 'big question' when you find out someone homeschools is the one about socialization. I could write a small thesis on the topic, but that is not the purpose of this post. I'm not afraid of the socialization factor...but that doesn't mean I still don't wonder how others might perceive our children. They're comfortable carrying on conversations with any and all age groups, but being careful to still act respectful to adults and not put themselves on equal footing while speaking with an adult. But of course, childhood is a huge learning process and some days they do better than others.
All this to say that the other night we were invited to someone's house we hadn't seen in a very long time. So, Chuck and I decided it would be in our (and the kids') best interest to take a trial run talking to a new adult. We posed as 'new people' asking the kids all kinds of questions about what they are learning in school, etc. I know my boys' tendency to say "I don't know" a little too well whenever they don't feel like thinking about something too deeply. But that little pat answer was not about to cut it with me. So, I gave them an alternate answer that was from the 'acceptable phrases allowed by mom' rule book. I instructed them (particularly Bennett) that if someone asked them a question they truly didn't know the answer to, they can respond with: "I haven't learned that yet." To me, that sounds infinitely better than "I dunno".
But then, these are my crazy kids we're talking about here. So everything is twisted once it finally reaches their brain and somehow the whole serious talk became one big joke. For instance, we're in the car driving to 'new friends' house' and the kids are asking each other questions such as "What is your name little boy? How old are you little boy?". And with each question, Bennett puts into play the new 'allowed phrase' in a highly inaccurate but hugely hilarious way. He now responds to every question posed to him with "I haven't learned that yet." It's said in the dumbest tone of voice he can muster too. We shouldn't be laughing, but we just can't help it. Our last minute tutorial is shot to pieces because Bennett found a better use for the 'allowed phrase'.
Our visit went well...without any social faux pauxs from the kids or us. All that preliminary work for nothing. At least my son never found occasion to tell them "I haven't learned that yet." I have a feeling this particular phrase is going to come back and haunt me this coming school year.
This is Chloe (in her Mommy dress) adorning me with her special pins. As she is putting them on me she tells me, "Daughter this is because you made good choices today. Plus, also, you were a good swimmer." Afterwards, she gently kisses me and rubs my face, her pride and love for me just oozing out. We're playing role reversal again here (her favorite game to play). I wonder if she's trying to tell me something? Maybe if I stuck a few pins on her through-out the day, she would be encouraged by the fact that I am acknowledging her good choices. Just a hunch. This picture was actually recreated. She originally put her prized pins on me while we were in the bathroom playing hair dresser (that is why my hair and make-up looks the way it does; notice my purple nails - the make-up is a little less obvious, but there none-the-less).
I was just explaining to Chloe why she had to start getting ready for bed early tonight. She was so distraught. Her response was, "But Mom, then the boys will miss out on me." This begs the question, can anyone really get enough 'Chloe Time'?
Right this very moment, my lovely bunch of children are all playing happily together. I should be glad right? Well...actually, I'm a little concerned. The reason being, Bennett has just invented a game - on the spot it seems - and it is called "Lawn Mower Man". This is the premise of the game (from what I've gathered by listening to them run, laugh, scream, and generally sounding like a bunch of elephants have invaded the upstairs level of our home). There is a lawn mower, his name is "Whistling Pete" and he loves to mow his lawn everyday and whistle while he mows. But whenever he sees kids in his yard, he tries to mow over their feet. In place of a mower, the kids are using Chloe's doll stroller. "Whistling Pete" lies in wait for his poor, unsuspecting subjects to pass his way. All the while, the children yell "Whistling Pete" - which sounds more like "whistle and pee" - as a taunt. This somehow incites Whistling Pete to jump out of his hiding place with his mower and chase down the unruly kids in his 'yard'. For whatever reason, this game brings much laughter, screaming and teamwork for my children. Should I be worried? You only lose once your feet have been run over 3 times. Forget Milton Bradley - we've got Bennett to entertain us and pull a game out of his hat whenever the need arises.
.
...from Bennett....
This is the exact phraseology of what he felt I needed to hear today:
"Mom. I think you need to take it easy on Chloe a bit more. She doesn't have as much experience as me and Gavin, so you might not want to talk harshly to her and be a bit more patient. Have a kind voice with her. Try not to make her cry."
It would be very nice, in my little opinion, if he might take his own advice to heart. But, it seems that I'm the one needing it at the moment.
Believe it or not, Mommies have friends too. I don't get as many playdates with my friends as I would like, but I sure do enjoy every moment spent with them. As much fun as it is being a Mommy, it is still super important to not loose yourself in this wonderful job. Being a Mommy is only part of who I am. I'm a wife, friend, daughter, sister and part of a much larger community in my neighborhood, city and world. How sad it would be if I lost sight of all the other parts that make up 'me'. I wouldn't have the opportunity to learn, love, grow, and help others as much if I didn't experience this beautiful world in all my capacities.
A little side note is needed here to understand why these friendships are so important to me. I grew up believing you could only be friends with people just like you (who share the same beliefs in our little sub-culture, bubble world) - by no fault of my parents, though. I didn't know how to be a good friend. I had a lot of learning to do. I was scared of people not like me. I was afraid they'd somehow 'make me bad' or 'change what I believe'. Actually, the opposite happened when I started opening my heart and life to new people. First of all, I learned things I couldn't have dreamed of learning. I was accepted despite my (then) self righteous attitude towards life and others and these friendships slowly started teaching me to do the same. They broke down my 'safe' barrier. True love exists where God grows it and it started growing in my heart for people very similar and very dissimilar to me.
I want my children to know how your life can touch others whether you realize it or not. People are always reading the story of your life, watching you, seeing if your words and actions match up. I want them to know that friendships, like love are not conditional. You take the good with the bad. Sometimes God puts people in your path solely for your growth other times, you may be the one who benefits the life of another. Friendships are not about us - what we get out of them. I've had several friends that made me wonder why we were even friends at all - and then I remember...it's not always about me...maybe this friendship is for their benefit, not mine.
Below is a tribute to all my friends. I will not write your name, for you and I know who you are and I want to respect your privacy. But I also don't ever want to forget these beautiful people God has placed in my path on this journey of life and all the wonderful things I have learned by just having the opportunity of being each of these precious souls' friend.
I only lived near this first person for 6 months. At first she was very shy and I felt very aggressive in trying to befriend her, but I wanted her to know she wasn't alone even if she felt it in this new state far away from her family. I don't normally try to 'push' myself on others, but I did want her to know she was welcome in my home anytime for any reason. Finally she started realizing that I meant it and our friendship grew and became so precious to me. I could totally be myself and we would commiserate together about the 'bad mommy' days and laugh about almost anything. We would stay up all hours of the night playing games and laughing like kids. I love how as couples, we banter back and forth. I felt so free to be me in her presence. She didn't judge my mommy abilities or lack thereof. Although we no longer live in the same neighborhood, everytime we talk or see each other, it's as if we pick up from the last time and there was never any time or distance between us. She has the most patience I've ever seen, is soft spoken (so unlike me) and has a quiet dignity which I so appreciate. She serves her family beautifully and humbly.
I literally 'bumped' into this next friend at a meeting I was attending. Since we bumped into each other in the hallway and initiated a conversation, I figured I may as well sit next to her since I 'knew' her now. That freak connection brought together an amazing, deep friendship. We had so many odd things in common. These bonded us. I have since moved away, yet the bond God grew between us is as strong as ever. She has no pretense. She is who she is all the time. I really appreciate that about her. She asks tough questions and gets me thinking. She's very creative and comes up with fun activities to do with her kids. She listens with compassion. She encourages me in my mothering and homeschooling. We have fun sharing what we're both learning with each other and joyful at the growth of the other and hurt when the other hurts.
My next friend I've known the longest. However, 14 years went by without us talking. God restored my oldest friendship and grew it into what it is now. We share a history. She knows the kid in me very well. Although we don't live close by, we make a point to visit once a year to show we care and to bring our families together. She is very strong emotionally. She's committed 100% to whatever she puts her mind to. Her giggle cracks me up - I just love to hear her laugh. I love how she calls my own parents "mom and dad". She's seen the worst in me and loves me anyways. She's been through many trials and always trusts God to see her through them and I've been blessed to watch her grow in grace and patience when she'd rather sit there and throw a temper tantrum. We can be totally honest with our feelings about anything with each other.
I've only known this next friend a little over a year, yet she has touched my heart in a way few others have. She is from a different culture. Her love for her culture is contagious and she has taught me so much and given me such an appreciation for the beauty and uniqueness that is her culture. She has a huge heart. She is very giving. She is super smart. I love watching her with her children. She always calls them "my love" - such an affirming, beautiful thing. She's always teaching them, never shoving them aside to get out of her way so she can do grown-up things. She just teaches them about life in such a natural way. She wants them to be near and they want to be near her. We can sit and talk for hours about every and anything. I always walk away learning something from her. She appreciates her husband in the same way I do mine. We both love the simple things in life. I love her view on community. I especially am thankful that there's no word for 'goodbye' in her language because I don't think I could say goodbye to her even though she's moving soon. I am a better person for having the chance to know her.
I also have a history with this next friend. We've been friends for 10 years now. We journeyed down a whole new road together both spiritually and as homeschool buddies. I've learned so much from her. Her brain is an idea generator. She comes up with tons of awesome, fun, creative things to do with the kids. She has a beautiful smile and contagious laugh. I love how she loves her kids and how she appreciates all children. It is so easy for her to be on their level and make them each feel special and wanted by her. The respect, love and admiration she shows her husband is unwavering. There is such peace in her home and it is always open to anybody. She has a huge heart and offers what she has to anyone who needs it, be it time, food, a room, a word of encouragement. Best of all, we've had some doozy disagreements and worked through them in amazing ways. To her, the friendship is always more important than the disagreement and she always makes that priority. I learned that disagreements aren't friendship breakers, rather friendship growers and it only makes the friendship stronger. She is so loyal. And she always takes all my decorating advice.
Another friend of mine is a neighbor. She is one of the strongest women I know - but she has to be. She has a mentally and physically handicapped child, the oldest of her three children. Her life is devoted to her. Everything she does is centered around the needs of this child. It is an amazing testament to her love and devotion. She endures stares, hardships, fear, inconvenience of time, money and extra energy - all for love. Her younger children are better for having had this sister they always look out for. They have learned more about life through her than they could have had their sister been 'normal'. For them, this is 'normal'. I'm forever amazed at my friend's ability to make life as 'normal' as possible for her family even though the many obstacles they (as a family) have to go through on a daily basis. She is so selfless. She has few friends and moral support, yet still pushes on day after day. Her strength comes from God alone.
My husband is my best friend. We were friends before we were "in love". He threw rocks at me to show me how much he loved me. I giggled and pretended to be upset. He is an awesome listener. He listens to all my opinions and loves me anyways. We have so much fun playing together. He has taught me to appreciate nature so much more than I did. The sunsets are more beautiful when we share them together. He has taught me what humility is. He has taught me what unconditional love is. His gentleness always calms me down. I don't like his music, but he likes mine. We get into laughing fits together and end up crying we laugh so hard. He's hilarious. He talks in circles sometimes and that only makes me laugh harder. He always encourages me in life, homeschool and on our spiritual journey. He likes what I like - or at least has learned to have an appreciation for something he never would have before. Also, one of the reasons he's a keeper is because he cooks when I'm too tired - now that's a true friend!
My mom is also my friend. It's something we've been blessed to grow into as I've grown older. We share books back and forth like nobody's business. We love to talk about the same things and appreciate the same things. I'm so lucky to have a constant source of encouragement. She thinks everything I do is awesome - what a huge confidence builder. She likes me and I like her. I know she prays for me whether I ask her to or not - what a nice feeling to know you're being thought of all the time. Although we no longer live close by, our relationship has grown from being apart. We appreciate the little things more now. We've gotten to walk and grow in new freedoms together...which is so important when you both have experienced such bondage and know where each other has been. I love how she listens whenever I need to vent, cry, tell her a funny, sad or unbelievable story. Many of the things that come normal to me now as a mom are from having such a great example growing up. Although, I must confess...she has no clue how to play Barbies.
Believe it or not, I've even met some beautiful souls I would consider friends online through this wonderful medium of blogging. They probably have no idea I consider them friends. But I've learned alot by reading their blogs. Both of these girls are amazing writers. One knows just the right order to put her words in and her blogs flow like delicious melting chocolate. I'm always hooked when I read and when I'm done I walk away content like after I've read a good book. She's such an encourager. Another is a hilarious writer. It's hard to write funny, but she pulls it off perfectly. The heart for her children and husband is beautiful. I appreciate people who don't take themselves too seriously and can laugh at themselves in the good and bad times.
Thank you all for the lessons you've taught me and thank you God for this beautiful journey called 'my life'.
This is how I was greeted by my children this morning. What does one say when one's children insist on dressing in such a manner, consider it fun, and even take themselves seriously in such a get-up? I was told that this was "The Elf Team" a new genre of Christmas superheroes. I don't know what else they do or what they're powers are - I was too busy rolling on the floor in laughter to hear all the details. Chloe and Bennett are both wearing homemade, crocheted Christmas outfits my Grandmother made for me over 30 years ago (and no, I do not plan on including a picture of myself in these beautiful handmade clothes. But it would make a fitting memoir, wouldn't it?). I don't think I really have anymore to say here...the picture speaks loud enough.
