Chuck normally bathes the kids. He likes to do it and he's good at it. That is the preface for this story. Therefore, a reasonable person could deduct from that statement that I don't like to bathe the kids and am not good at it. And one would be correct in assuming that to be true. The kids normally get their baths at night, but lately our evenings have been so busy, there hasn't even been time for night baths. So, I had to bathe them Tuesday morning (I won't even go into how many days it had been since the last bath. Suffice it to say....the bath HAD to be done that day and the morning wasn't soon enough).
Since Chloe has developed into quite the chunk, she doesn't even fit into her baby bath anymore, so I opted to put her in the big bath with the boys. All in my tub. That was mistake number one. Actually, I can't even begin to number the mistakes I made because I loose count somewhere around 53. So, here I am in my bathroom with three little people in one big tub - with jets. The boys love to run the jets and make bubbles. But I thought that might scare Chloe, so I told them that they could push the button to begin the jets just as soon as I took her out.
It is important to note here, that in order for the jets to work properly, the water must be over the holes where the air blows out of in order to create the bubble effect. Otherwise you get more of a mini hurricane effect with air and water squirting everywhich way throughout the entire room. Do I even need to go into the disaster that is about to occur? I'm sure you've guessed by now.
So, I'm in the process of trying to remove a very wet, slippery and wiggly 6 month old out of a tub of water and wrap a towel around her (yeah right, with my 3rd arm) when Bennett asks if it's now okay to push the button to turn on the jets. I didn't even bother to check and see if the water line was above the jets. It was when I put Chloe in. In all my wisdom, I decided that that would be fine. ( One could also dedcue that I don't have all that much wisdom).
Here comes the fun part. I'm now standing on the bath mat with a little butterball in my hands and all of the sudden it feels as if someone has decided to turn the hose on full blast and squirt it at me and Chloe and then all over the bathroom. I'm blind-sided and confused and very WET!!! Did I mention that I was already dressed for the day (and not in grubby clothes either) with hair done and everything - that alone is a feat in itself and now it is all quickly getting ruined with the mini hurricane.
I find myself yelling over the confusion to "PUSH THE BUTTON!!!" while attempting to run for shelter and to keep Chloe from getting sprayed in the face. As I'm running out of the bathroom holding Chloe out in front of me (still sopping wet) and screaming for somebody, anybody to put and end to the madness, I find my feet are no longer under me. I start to panic and am trying to make it through the tiny opening they call my bathroom door (I don't even think it's two feet wide) to get to the carpet. At this point, my main goal is to not drop Chloe.
I found out that the doorway is definately not wide enough. As my butt landed on the vinyl floor just before the opening, my arms and legs (all in front of me by this time) all hit parts of the doorjam. Chloe landed softly on the carpet on her bottom and sat there unfazed, like this is how we always get out of the tub. I'm already fearing the worst....that I broke a foot or arm or something. At least Chloe is unharmed (thank God!!!).
I don't quite remember when the jets stopped but as I sit in the tiny way, throbbing in pain and still holding Chloe I do two things: 1) I thank God I have a very good cushion on my back end and 2) I scream at the top of my lungs cuz I'm in so much pain, so frustrated with my self and just plain angry. Once I regain my composure I hobble over to the kids still sitting in the tub and starring at me as if I've lost my mind and try to do damage control. I explain to the boys that I am in no way upset with them - that it was just an accident and that my kinda handled her frustration badly. They asked to kiss my boo-boos and then I went and called Chuck and told on myself. He said not to worry, that I probably didn't damage their pshyce too much. We'll see....
