The other night at dinner Chloe was all exasperated and giving loud huffy breaths. I looked at her and asked what was wrong. And this is exactly what she said, "Mom, why don't you ever look at me when you're eating?!" I look at her quizzically, with my head tilted to the side, much like a dog trying to understand something. And then comes the confession: "I play this game at the dinner table where I look at you and wait to see how long it takes for you to look back at me. And sometimes you never look at me!" (said in a progressively whiny, high, desperate voice).
I don't know whether to be honored or creeped out that she's stalking me at dinner. Why would you just stare at someone longingly at the dinner table? Is this some secret code I'm supposed to know? Why me, why not Chuck? What am I supposed to do? Stare back? Smile? Flutter my eyelashes? Blow kisses? How many years has she been playing this game? Granted, we still hold hands at the dinner table most nights. But I am just now learning that she has the expectation that I look at her and acknowledge her multiple times throughout the meal.
This reveals several things to me:
1) I must be horrible at looking at people while I'm eating; I concentrate entirely way too much on my food and getting it into my mouth.
2) Chloe needs constant attention and affirmation, even while eating.
3) Chloe basks in the warm glow of my eyes upon her face and feels enveloped in love and I'm just now learning about this at the age of 16.
4) She's been playing this "game" for how many years and I'm just now learning about it?
5) Chloe equates my love for her by how many times I gaze lovingly into her eyes at the dinner table and I'm clueless to this fact - thus, why I've never won the "mother of the year" award.
This just goes to show, when you think you understand parenting, everything changes. This was news to me...and I feel quite in touch with Chloe. We're always growing and learning as people and as parents.
And don't worry, I'm on the ball now. I bestow multiple glances at my sweet girl throughout dinner time, at the ready with a warm, loving smile that says: I see you, I love you, you're important. And then I focus on my food once more (since that's why we're at the dinner table.)
