Mar 3, 2015

Mom Update 3.4

3/03/2015 — cori

You know how after a few months your smartphone needs new software updates?  Or often times your apps need updating once a week.  Well, come to find out, I need updating as well.  Turns out I'm not as 'hip' as I once thought.  I know, I know...big shocker.  But it's true.  I don't know teenage speak.  This is a huge downfall of mine.  Maybe if I worked in that sector, I would better understand this class of humans.  But I don't.  And I don't understand much of what is said or grunted; thereby causing me to seek my own update.

I asked Gavin the other day,  "Hey Bud, can you tell me all the things I don't know?"

And he's like, "Mom, I don't know what you don't know."

And I'm like, "You know what I mean!  C'mon, just tell me the things I don't know, like how y'all communicate with each other cuz it's apparent I don't know the lingo anymore."

After many condescending smiles, laughs, eye-rolls and huffy breaths he finally comes up with a few very important phrases/words that I should know.  I hope y'all have paper and pencil handy because I aim to educate everyone, not just myself.

1.  Calling hacks.  This is what you do when you accuse someone of cheating.  Here it is used in a sentence: "I call hacks on him."

2.  Sketchy.  This means shady or questionable.  Sentence:  "That bridge looks sketchy."

3.  Salty.  At first I thought he meant psalty - as in relation to a song.  But no, I was wrong.  It means annoyed, miffed, upset or embarrassed.   Example:  Suppose I just failed a raid in Clash of Clans, then someone might tell me, "Oh, you're salty now."

4.  Been roasted.  This happens when you are beaten in an argument (or anything) by another person.  Sorry, no example was given in my software update session.

5. MLG - Major League Gamer.  You tell someone that they are a MLG when you want to compliment them about doing good on something.  At least that's the way I understood it.

6. Gucci.  I don't know if this one is just Gavin or other's his age spout this word as frequently, but he sure does.  He says this in place of the word "good".

As you can see, verbiage has changed a bit over the years.  But now we're in the know.  We don't have to have those blank stares when humans of the adolescent genre speak with us older humans. Communication is of utmost importance between generations.

Once my software update was complete I said, "Great! Now I'll be able to talk like you and then other kids will think I'm cool.  Can I still say cool, is that a thing?  Does it still mean the same thing?"

This did not please him.  He shakes his head, looks and me with a huge smile and says, "Yes, cool still means cool.  You can know these things, but you are not allowed to speak of them - it would just seem weird for a person in a different generation to use it.  It would just be weird."

So in order to honor my son's MLG software update, I won't call hacks on him for teaching me and then telling me I can't tell anyone what I now know.  But I do think he's being a little sketchy about it. Come to think of if, I do feel a little salty towards him.  So that I don't get roasted by him, I'll just let it go and call it gucci.  I wouldn't want to be perceived as 'weird'.

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