Chuck's 'Condition'

Life is anything but dull in our house. Imagine the hours of fun just trying to get a simple family picture for our Christmas cards. First Chuck has to set the camera on a tripod and then attempt to get each of the 5 people in our family to look at the blinking light at exactly the same time all with genuine smiles on their faces. This must all be accomplished without anyone wiggling, yelling and causing tears and a red nose to show up in the picture or without knocking the camera off the tripod while attempting to leap over furniture and get into the perfect spot in the 10 second time-frame allotment. It is almost a hurdle too impossible for us to climb. It was yet another memorable moment to add to our data bank of "Crazy Memorable Mallott Moments".

Miraculously, we took at least one good picture (this was our 3rd attempt) and had a hearty laugh at the rest of them. But it wasn't the kids that caused laughter this time around. It was Chuck. We have come across a phenomenon almost too unbelieveable - yet it exists. While looking at my dear husband's handsome face in the recent pictures, I couldn't tell what way he was looking. I zoomed in for closer detail. And then it struck me...my husband has "Wall Eye". You know, where one eye appears to be looking slightly askew from the other.

In all our years, I never noticed this. His eyes have always been my favorite feature. They're so kind and gentle. Yet upon further evaluation they're also not looking at the same focal point. What's going on here? As we were rolling on the floor with laughter, Chuck decided to name his 'condition'...."Adult Onset Wall Eye Disorder". He's considering starting a support group for anyone else who may be unwittingly beset with such a baffling condition.

Creative Naming

At dinner tonight, we were telling Daddy about how we (the kids and I) were dancing around the house to our new 80's/90's mix cd this afternoon. We were laughing and having a blast. Bennett was getting a little crazy with swinging his arms around wildly and accidentally hit himself in his private parts. As he was relaying this story to Daddy it came out soooooo funny. This is exactly what he said:

"I was dancing and then hit myself in my privates. But I like to call them my gummy and the ones on the side I like to call my hot muffins."

WHAT!?!!

Trying to appear serious and keeping that smirk from peeking out the corners of our mouths we both calmly ask, "Who did you hear say that?!" We don't like the kids to talk 'potty talk'. This just isn't normal conversation in our house. We knew he had to be copying something he heard. But it was just so funny and out of the blue.

But Mr. Honesty replies, "Nobody. I made it up myself. And I call my hair my oil. And I call my earlobes my....". He then proceeded to tell us the nickname version of all his body parts.

This is Bennett being Bennett. He was cracking himself up. This is on-the-spot humor. Some people call it comedic timing. Whatever it is, Bennett has it.

It was said with such innocence. And you've just got to give him an "A" for creativity.

Tell Me How You REALLY Feel

Bennett is VERY in touch with his emotions. I'm sure any future wife will be thrilled with a guy who can actually verbalize his feelings. There is no guessing here. Take yesterday for example. I had just committed the most despicable act a mother could require of her children...I made them eat a chewable vitamin C after breakfast. In my mind, I'm just trying to divert the onslaught of colds and sniffles that accompany such crazy weather. But in Bennett's mind, it was as if i had just given him a blob of mud and demanded in no uncertain terms that he eat it.

My first mistake was buying the wrong brand of Vitamin C for the kids on my last trip to the store. How I could make such a negligent oversight is beyond me. This brand must have been cheaper. Obviously, cheap doesn't cut it with Bennett. He starts to feel his gag reflex surging, so he rushes over to the kitchen sink. His modus operendi in the past whenever he gags is to throw up the undesirable substance into his plate thereby giving us no other option than to wave the white flag and surrender our position. Thankfully, he had the foresight to run to the sink. Lucky for us, nothing came out and I could stand my ground once more.

I was full of helpful hints on how to swallow something your taste buds or brain doesn't like. There was once a time when I, too, was a child and knew all the tricks. I have yet to pass these on to my underlings, so I thought now was a good time. There's always the 'Hold Your Nose, Squint Your Eyes and Chew Really Fast' option. That got me thru many a grapefruit combined with prune juice breakfast combination. I also taught him the 'Take a Small Bite and a Big Drink at the Same Time' combo. He said he already tried that one and it didn't work. I also used the 'Throw Up Right Where You Are Technique' that he is already so successful at. That one must have gotten passed down through the genes because I know I haven't used that one in years, so he couldn't have seen me do it.

I advised him that it was in his best interest to take his vitamin c. I would wait as long as possible. I wasn't giving him a choice in the matter. Once he realized there would be no negotiating and that no amount of whining would work, he caved. It took him 45 minutes to do it, but he did it. He immediately stomped up stairs on a mission.

He came down again, no less than 5 minutes later saying, "Mom, I need to show you something." He then presented me with a lovely green piece of construction paper. He said, "This is how I feel about that vitamin c." On the left side of the paper was a circle with a smiley face in it, however the smile was crossed over. To the right of it he wrote, "pe you gros". On the right hand side of the paper is a stick figure. This figure has small humps on the arms that stretch out horizontally across it's body. Next to the stick figure he writes, "A man hois haf wa strong". (A man who's half way strong). He tells me, "I don't mind being only half way strong if I don't eat any more vitamin c."
So, there you have it...Bennett and his strong feelings for vitamin c. If you ever cross Bennett, watch out, you might just get a random drawing in the mail telling you how he feels.

Creativity or Boredom?

So...we're in the car on the way to somewhere the other day. Bennett and Chloe are sitting together. They've got nothing to talk about, so Bennett decides it would be a great time to play a game. He asks Chloe, "Hey Chlo, you wanna play that game where you say 'yes' then I say 'no' then you say 'yes' then I say 'no' then you say 'yes' again and I say 'no', then we switch and I say 'yes' then you say 'no' then I say 'yes' then you say 'no' then I say 'yes' then you say 'no'?"

Did I really just hear what I thought I heard? He just confused Chloe so much she doesn't know whether to answer "yes" or "no" and what would happen if she did. Is this really a viable game option? Is this as much creativity as my children have in them? Is there any purpose in this game? Should I be worried?

But Chloe gleefully replies, "Okay, Bennett!!!" And then they're off with their 'yes/no' fun including giggles and all. They really think this is a game. Chloe even says, "Bennett, don't forget to tell me when it's my turn to say 'no'." You bettcha, he's all over that one! This is his game, his invention; he decides the rules and Chloe WILL follow them. It's not often the middle child gets to be the leader of the pack.

I just continue driving on as if everything is normal.

My Brother, My Friend

The other day Bennett busts out with, "When I was 2, Gavin taught me everything." That says it all. It shows how much he looks up to his brother and believes every word he says. It also says a thing or two about how Gavin loves having an unyielding subject who will hang on his every word, someone he can teach everything he knows too and someone to train in all aspects of superheroness. I'm so glad Bennett knew everything at 2...makes my job alot easier now.