Although it is true that I am still a mommy in training (everyday I learn something new and interesting about my children I previously had not known), I am actually referring to my 2 year old daughter here. She fancies herself a 'real mommy'. End of discussion. If anyone tries to tell her differently, they wish they hadn't.
Since she does everything with extreme attention to detail, it makes sense that she would enter her new found career armed with as much knowledge about the job as possible. Where better to get all the answers from than your own Mommy. It is rather a convenient set-up for her. I am drilled with a million questions a day - a least. She watches my every move like a hawk. She immitates everything.
You can imagine the boys' shagrin at having two mommies in the house now. They can never get away with anything. She monitors their every move. She reminds them of things I've said. Everyone appreciates all the extra 'help' she provides.
She is constantly asking me things like, "Do mommies yike ayigators?" If I give a puzzled expression, she'll rephrase her question to, "Mommy, do you yike ayigators?" If I like them - then they're 'in'. If I disapprove, they're banished to the 'out' category in her mind. She'll respond appropriately, if I say "Yes, I like alligators." she'll say, "Me too. I a real mommy and I yike ayigators too. Ayigators don't fweek me out."
Now you might be questioning the use of the phrase 'freak me out' in my two year old's vocabulary. Funny story there. I kind of taught her that one. I made a lasting and indellible impression on her already highly impressionable memory. It just so happens that about two months ago I came across a mouse running thru my car. Not a sight that anyone would like to see. Especially me. I freaked out horribly. I immediately stopped and turned off the car (thankfully we were in a parking lot already) and literally jumped out. After I got out I yelled to the kids to "Get out of the car, quick, quick!!" I was too grossed out to explain why. A mouse just came dangerously close to my foot, maybe even brushed against it. How is any mortal supposed to act in such a close encounter with the rodent species?
Once I caught my breath and the children were all safely beside me in the parking lot I told them in a very weak and shaky voice, "There seems to be a mouse in the car. Get it. Please" Gavin was overjoyed. He'd always hoped to catch a mouse. I told him to look under the driver's seat floor mat. Unfortunately the suspect wasn't there. I'm now standing in a busy parking lot with periodic hee-bee-jee-bee shivers running down my spine while onlookers give me curious stares. Why anyone couldn't see we were in immediate peril is beyond me. All the doors to the van were wide open and we were all standing 3 feet away staring at it.
I guess this small episode left it's mark on my poor daughter. She questions me about it constantly. "Mommy, why you fweek out about mouses?" That's an easy answer, "Honey, Mommy freaks out about mouses because I don't like them. I think they're gross." She felt the need to inform everyone we saw that day about the mouse we had in the car and how her mommy freaks out. (I obviously need more mommy training in how to adequately handle my innante fear of rodents while around small children.)
Thus began the onslaught of questions from Chloe, "Mommy, you fweek about flies?" or "Mommy, me no yike mouses. I fweek out about dem too." or "Mommy we don't yike mean feens (queens) do we, Mommy? We yike fnow white." I assure her that we do infact like Snow White, we do not like mean queens. "Do mommies seep wid dere heads under dere pilwoughs?" This mommy does. Therefore, that must be the one and only true way to sleep in her little mind.
If I go to write down some item I remember we need to pick up at the store, guess who pulls out her trusty little pen and paper and 'writes' down her list too. If I start to make dinner, guess who toddles up behind me and says, "What I do to hep you?" If I sit down at the computer for even a minute, guess who comes up behind me to tell me that she needs to work on her 'purple yetters' (a word document we let her type on with purple font) - it is of utmost importance and must take priority.
She's highly offended if I go to the grocery store sans Chloe. Why in the world would I want to go alone? Who would be there to eat all the samples they hand out or run over to the bakery with such glee to grab a free cookie? We even play 'Going to Market Street'. She makes me be her and she plays me. It's a hoot.
But nothing is better than the unsolicited, random hug I get in the middle of day with Chloe telling me, "You my best fwend evur, Mommy." We may go thru some ups and downs during our 'training phase', but nothing compares to the uncompromising love, trust, and admiration of your children.
Her actions remind me of an anonymous quote, "Immitation is the best form of flattery."
