The other day, as Bennett and I were in his room coloring lots of awesome Spiderman pictures, I was just overcome with the joy that comes in just spending time with my kids. And in this case, especially Bennett. Being around him always means having a smile on your face or giggle in your tummy. And being that he is the middle child, I always try to consciously spend some alone time with him each day just to show him that he is special and important to me too. Thus, the coloring of the plethura of pictures.
As we sat there, I just watched him as his tongue creatively moved in and out as he was busily concentrating on coloring and my heart smiled. I asked him, "Honey, do you know what makes my heart happy?"
He doesn't even look up or lift his crayon, he replies, "Hugs?"
"Well, yes, those do make me happy. But that's not what I'm thinking about. Guess again."
"Kisses?"
"Oh yes. I love kisses. But that's not it either. What else you got?"
"Me...looking handsome?"
(Trying to hide huge grin) "Oh yes! That indeed makes my heart happy. I love how handsome you are. But that's not it either."
"Cookies?"
At this point, I can't stop laughing. I held it together pretty well through out most of this short conversation. But at this point...you gotta give it to the kid, he KNOWS what I like. :) I was even wearing my favorite Cookie Monster t-shirt that day (probably what gave him the inspiration). We laughed together for a long time then I told him, "Cookies make my tummy very happy but you know what makes my heart happy? Getting to be with you and spend time with just you...watching you grow and learn and play."
"Hmmm. Let's keep coloring. Okay?"
Remember Bill Murray in "What About Bob"? There's a scene where he's tied to the front of the boat and yells out, "I sail now. I'm a sailor!" You gotta love it! It's just so stupidly funny, I can't help but laugh out loud every time.
Well, as fate would have it, that exact same scene came flooding back into my memory as I began climbing up a 48 foot rock wall this past weekend. I wanted to yell out for all to hear, "I climb now. I'm a climber!"
That might not be a big deal for many people. But for me, the person who's too scared to look over a second floor balcony...it's a big deal. I'm horribly afraid of heights. So, what got into me that made me want to climb this rock wall. Well...I simply thought it sounded like fun. Plus, Gavin was going to do it and if he could do it, so could I.
As Gavin and I sat there waiting for our turn, we talked anxiously about which 'route' we wanted. There were 4 different sections on this wall you could pick. Out of sheer 'politeness' I let Gavin pick the easiest one, even though I was secretly wishing he would let his scaredy cat Mommy have it. So, I willingly took the the next hardest. Once they showed me how to put on that silly harness, I felt like Spiderman. Adrenaline was rushing thru me and I couldn't wait to 'beat' Gavin up to the top.
What was I thinking? Did I suddenly forget that I was afraid of heights? I guess I kinda forgot that little fact. I was more concerned about how I looked. I know - how vain is that? But they made me either turn my hat backwards or take it off. There was no way I was going to climb a 48 foot wall with a bunch of people watching with 'hat hair'. You just gotta draw the line somewhere. So, I decide to put my hat on backwards and opt for the 'cool dude' look (so not me!).
By the time I finished primping, Gavin has already started up the wall and my only thought was to catch up. I almost broke a nail, too. The thought that I might break a nail had never occurred to me. Neither had alot of other things such as: What in the world am I doing? I have no clue how to climb a wall? Was I thinking this was supposed to be fun? Did I forget I'm afraid of this? Is my shirt still tucked in? Does my butt look big with this silly harness wrapped around it? You know...all the important things.
Amazingly, I made good time climbing half way up when all of the sudden Gavin called out to me, "Mom, I don't think I can do it anymore." Then it happened...I looked down at him and lost all my perspective. I saw how far up I was or rather, how far down the floor was. But I was able to keep my voice from shaking too much to answer, "It's okay honey, you don't have to. Just go until you feel comfortable. There's no pressure."
Once I turned back to look where I was going, I realized I couldn't focus. My hands had apparently chosen to go limp and loose all muscle control. My mouth decided to strike in the producing saliva department and was suddenly as dry as a desert. My legs felt like jello. Uh-oh. I know those symptoms. That happens every time I get up 'too high'. I tried to focus and just grab the next thing, what ever those little things are called you're supposed to grab onto that help you climb a wall. But when I tried to wrap my fingers around it, the muscles decided not to obey my mental command. I couldn't get my fingers to bend. My nerves decided to go into 'alert' mode and vibrate until I could no longer control them.
It was at that point, 3/4 of the way up the wall, that I had to signal that I was ready for my decent. The guy down below me who's holding my rope asks, "Are you sure?" Are you kidding!? Can you not see my whole body trembling or do I just look that silly with my hat on backwards? (I'm still very self conscious about the whole backwards hat thing). "Oh ya, I'm sure!" I respond. He gently lowers me most of the way down and then leaves me dangling about 4 to 5 feet off the ground for about a minute or two. I'm just sitting there swinging, looking like a sitting duck. I'm too embarrassed to look anyone in the eye and too shaky too talk...so I just dangle. Come to find out later he did it so Chuck could have his 'Kodak moment'.
Alas, I can now place my feet on solid ground...but only for a moment. My muscles in my legs forgot to kick in and I falter backwards into the rock wall. Insult to injury. Not only can I not make it to the top, I can't even stand when I get to the bottom. And then, I look up only to see my little 8 year old miniature Spiderman make it all the way to top. I'm so proud of him! He even pressed the button. He got a sticker. I didn't. This definitely calls for a rematch! Above all else, I am competitive and can't stand to loose.
I'm not sure that many other families have this random check...but we sure do. Twice, within the past week, I have found 2 of my children out in public without underwear. I think I have an epidemic on my hands. I do not understand their aversion to under garments. Should a mother have to make sure all in her charge are indeed clothed with panties or boxers before heading out the door each morning? I'd like to just assume that we all remembered this basic feature of our wardrobe. But evidently, I've made it appear 'optional' somehow. I think they do this to me for the shock value.
