Wise Old Sensei

Chloe always seems to capture Ninja's aloofness so perfectly with her camera. 

Texas Hold'em

So the other day (after much fore-thought), Gavin announces to the fam, "Guys, I think it's time we learned poker." 

"Um...okay. Sure. But like, we have no clue. We've never played before. And why poker?

"Well...I just feel as though its a card game we should know since we love to play cards and all."

"Good point. One can only play Nertz and Hearts for so long. We should diversify our interests."

Thus began our foray into a whole new world. The first step was to get some 'chips' to bet with. Thus, the m&ms. Step two, decide which type of poker to learn. Gavin did some research and found No Limit Texas Hold'em to be the most common form, check. Step three, read the instructions. Google is great for finding things. So, that's exactly what Chuck is doing in this picture: reading 'how to play poker' to us. 

Unfortunately, that didn't work so well for two reasons 1) Chuck speaks in a monotone voice and so we all kind of just check-out or fell asleep and 2) it was really confusing sounding. The lingo, the directions, none of it made any sense. So much emphasis was put on the betting part, I kept wondering when do actually get to play any cards?

Our kids' generation is all about YouTube. Gavin has learned most of his programming skills via this medium. So he comes up with the idea, "Hey, why don't we just look for a YouTube video to watch and learn how to play." Brilliant. Yes. We will do that. So that's what we're all doing in the above picture. Visuals are my friend. I work much better with a picture to look at occasionally. Plus, it was very nice that the lady who "taught" us had such a proper British accent. Everything sounds smarter and better and a British accent. Thus, our tutorial began.

And Chloe was the winner of our very first hand of British No-Limit Texas Hold'em. We had to leave our tutorial open and refer to it often during our first round. I also like how neatly organized all our 'chips' are. For those of you interested in using m&ms as poker chips....a word of caution: they seem to disappear throughout the game. These little sneaks like to eat our poker chips.

This was our game the following evening. Notice the absence of the laptop - we're moving up. Our 'chips' are neatly organized and mostly not eaten. And we look rather concentratingly, don't we? I happened to win on this particular night. I have no idea how. It's rather slow for me and too much strategy and all that. I prefer games of speed and stealth. Oh well...welcome to the next phase of our life. 

I've read that its good to learn new things as you age, it keeps your brain young and the synapses firing. Who knows what we'll be learning next month?!

Remember When...

This is how I like to remember my grandparents...dancing in the kitchen, smiles on their faces.

Last Dance from Mallott on Vimeo.

In memory of my Bapchie's life. It's been 3 years ago today since she passed. 2 years this month since my Jadziu passed. I still think of them and miss them every day. 

You Know You're Bored When...

These two crazies came up to me today and asked, "Mom, can we go ride our bikes around the neighborhood and get lost and try to find our way back?"

"Um...sure, I guess." What else could I say? This seemed like a good activity. Plus, they were coming up with their own plan instead of relying on me the All Time Event & Activities Coordinator (by the way, nobody ever told me that would be one of the hats I wore for this whole mom gig). Even I, the "planner" couldn't have come up with an activity this fun and exciting.  

I remember a couple of years ago when all the kids in the neighborhood were younger, everyone ended up at our house, bored out of their gourd asking me what they could do. So I came up with an indoor obstacle course. Yes. We were the party house. This was THE place to be on a boring summer afternoon. 

On their way out the door I couldn't help but contribute to their "fun" by suggesting they ride up to the convenience store for a slushy first. I scored major points for that one. 

No lame parenting today. I let my kids get lost and suggested they fill up on liquid sugar. Mom of the Year Award, here I come.

Hammock Time

How Chloe and Bennett spend most every day. They lay on the hammock and giggle, tickle, talk as well as try to push each other off. I don't know who treasures this time more; me or them.

First Ever Mallott Family Smasting

We have spent the summer watching and laughing hysterically at these two crazy people - Rhett and Linc from "Good Mythical Morning" on YouTube. Hilarious! They do crazy stunts, silly ridiculous songs and eat every & anything given to them. Thus, their certain brand of humor is very popular with the teenagers amongst us. And I have to admit, I have sometimes laughed till I cried with some of their stupid antics.

They invented "Smasting" - smelling and tasting at the same time. After watching this video we (meaning me) had the rather brilliant idea of doing our own Mallot Family Smasting. Hey, it's summer, we're bored, we have ALOT of extra time on our hands and it's fun. Thus the idea was borne into our collective heads. The kids agreed and it was game on. In order to fully appreciate the depth of what I put my family through (I was not about to participate in such a dastardly activity involving food), take few minutes to watch this video:

Crazy, hilarious, stupid, ridiculous, awesome, fun all rolled up into one - right?!

Now it was our turn. Here is the list of ingredients my subjects had to smaste. The smell was on the cotton ball (except for #5 where it's on a spoon). They had to proceed simultaneously with the smelling and tasting. I had to alter the original smasting method since we weren't lucky enough to own visors. So we wrapped dad's socks around our eyes and used both our hands. This method seems to work just as well.

Here are the smasters.

Smasting from Mallott on Vimeo.

Game Idea

Bennett has spent much time this summer sitting and thinking about what to do. Here's an example of a game idea he came up with yesterday:

"Hey, I have an idea...why don't we all go around the room and say a number until we run out of numbers."

*head shaking*

Bennett, Bennett, Bennett....what are we to do with you?!

Welcome to my summer.

The Child Roaster

The last several months I have seen a rise in the phrase, "Child Roaster" coming from the lips of my beloved offspring and normally landing in my direction. I take great pride in this. The reason being, it usually means I have out-smarted one of my smart-mouthed adolescents. That takes skill people. 

If you can "roast" another person, it simply means you have a come back that has more snark, more sarcasm, or can simply out wit a person in response to something they said. This has never been my strong suit. I usually have the perfect response about a day too late. So this new title comes somewhat as an unexpected surprise for me.

It happens like this: say Chloe says, "I never get anything on my clothes, why do I have to change?" and I'll reply with something like, "oh ya, what's that?" whilst pointing to a stain on her shorts. Simple mom stuff, really. (This is actually a very lame example. Unfortunately for us, I can't remember some of my better roasts...when I can I'll be sure to post an addendum).

This then elicits the donning of such praise from Bennett in the form of the sing-songy phrase: "Oooooooh you've been roasted in the toaster by the child roaster!" Bam! There it is. I really have no idea how I do it. I think it's all a matter of perception. I've been responding like this to my children their entire lives but have only recently been bestowed with the coveted title of "Child Roaster". 

It's been a long time coming apparently. I've worked hard to earn this cred. The sad thing is, it can leave as quickly as it came, so I need to make the most of it while I can. I may never again be in such an enviable position.