I Listen To You Now

 

 

Those were Chloe's exact words: "I listen to you now." And this is how I feel. :)

 

I don't know what prompted this decision other than the fact that Chloe made a choice and felt the need to inform us. It came out accidentally at first in response to a question, something like, "....well, I wouldn't do that cuz I listen to you now." 

 

Oh Really?! Do you now? Hmmmm.....do tell...

 

And that is just the way life is with Chloe. She was blessed with....shall we call it...stubbornness I mean, persistence (the positive spin). When she sets her mind to something, she does it. The other side of the coin is, you can't talk that girl into nothing! There is zero manipulation, cajoling, suggesting, or any other such nonsense. She knows what she wants - or doesn't want - end of story. It has been this way with her since she was a wee baby. I have spent the past 16 years learning how to be the parent she needs and how to trust this deepest of instincts she has.

 

Come to find out. All I had to do was wait long enough and she would decide to listen to me on her own time. I asked her what prompted this decision after 16 years and she said, "You're normally right. So I decided to listen. And I've been doing it now for 3 weeks and things have been going good for me."

So, there you have it. It appears listening is good after all and there are actual positive benefits to the practice. It's actually rather comical because from the very beginning of our parenthood, "listening" was one of the words we put great importance on.

 

 

Here's a picture of our very first protege showing us "listening." We decided it would be easier to communicate with this little human by using very rudimentary sign language. Gavin latched on to that like a bee to honey. Little did we know his penchant for learning that would come to define his life. This is a photo taken when he was 15 months old for a photo shoot of all the sign language he knew. We'd say the word behind the camera, Gavin would demonstrate, and the photographer would capture it. Gavin didn't speak a word of English at the time, just sign language. As parents, it was incredible! He could express himself to us and show us he understood what we were saying. This was a big deal for two novice parents as ourselves.

Then came Bennett, this is the only sign language we got out of him:

 

 

 

We lovingly referred to it as "the look." He definitely didn't do "listen." Out of desperation we got him to do "more" and "please" which weren't true to form, but we knew what he meant - some lazy, generic slapping his hand against his belly. And then came Chloe.

How can you deny that precious baby face anything?! She had us wrapped around that chubby little finger of hers from day one. Guess what her first word was...."no." I'm not joking. Her first sentence was, "Bee lellow tuck" (translation: big yellow truck.) This girl was in charge of her own self, thank you very much. She held her own with her brothers. She might have been the youngest, but that never stopped her from keeping up with them. If they were superheroes, she as a superhero. If they rode bikes, she rode a bike. If they were reading, she was reading. But the ONE thing she didn't do was any of that sign language tom foolery. No sir! She would have none of it. We couldn't bribe her with anything. All effort on our part yielded exactly zero results in the Teach Chloe Sign Language program. So we did what every parent would do...we quit trying. She won. Like I said, I've been learning how to parent Chloe for 16 years. And turns out all I had to do was....wait. I should have known. I should have seen this pattern from the beginning. 

 

And this is why I'll never be asked to write a parenting book. The secret is out...I have no clue what I'm doing. I'm learning as I go. I'm re-writing the parenting manual with each kid. I push when I should wait. I wait when I shouldn't. I learn after-the-fact. And I have no answers. But oh how I love these people of mine. They've taught me everything in the world that is important. I don't want all the answers, I just want them. We're learning and growing together. That's the beauty of life!

 

 

A Weekend With Bennett

So this is the ONLY photo I received from Chloe from her Weekend With Bennett down at UCCS this past weekend. This is what I get when I ask her to take "fun" photos to document their time together. Obviously, I was not clear enough in my directive. She went all out here. At least she lowered her sunglasses to her chin. 

Despite the lack of pictures proving otherwise, Chloe said her first solo trip down to The Springs to visit her brother was fun (she didn't elaborate much beyond that one descriptive word). They ate...a lot...at the cafeteria. Bennett lives for each meal time where they offer an "eat as much as you want" option. So that pretty much keeps him happy. Between meals (Chloe said she's never eaten so much), he took her to The Garden of The Gods to hike (without hiking shoes - and probably coats, mind you.) It was very windy, cold, with lots of slushy snow still on the ground, so they couldn't get too far. 

Bennett also took her on a tour around campus. They had a snack in between their all-you-can-eat dining experience at the Shake Shack. They hung out in his dorm. That's been the one great things about the pandemic. Bennett gets a whole room to himself whereas he normally would have had to share the tiny space with another person. So, he had an extra bed for Chloe to sleep in (at her own risk). 

This was the first time Chloe has driven a long distance on the highway by her self. 25 is a very scary, dangerous freeway. But this girl LOVES to drive. And she loves to drive fast. She often declares, "I think I'll just go for a drive" like it's fun to do - because for her it is and it somehow relaxes her. So the drive didn't stress her out nearly as much as it did us. But we had complete confidence in her. However, we were very relieved when she texted us upon arrival. 

 

However, for the life of me, it's hard not to see these two at this age every time I look at my grown kids. At 6 and 4, they were riding safely in a bus with a professional driver. At this time of life, I couldn't have imagined a time of life without my precious children always surrounding me and needing every second of my time and joyfully giving it to them. The future seemed 100 years away. Come to find out it was actually only 13 years away. I'm so thankful they are friends. That they want to spend time together. That they enjoy each other's company.

Happy Boy

 

This is what you do when you really, really, want to ride your new mountain bike but it's 30 degrees, snowy, icy, and gray out with 30 mile an hour winds. You just wear your helmet inside. 

Actually, Chuck just got his helmet in the mail on this fine day. This was actually the third helmet he ordered. He tried it on to make sure that this one was THE one. He ended up wearing it all day because...you can do that when you work from home.

I'm so happy that Chuck found the thing that fills his soul - mountain biking - not working with his bike helmet on.

Coat Wars

 

 

 

This is what happens when I ask Chloe to wear a coat.

 

 

Every. Single. Time.

 

 

But today, I won. Because it's -2 degrees out and feels like -15. There is a line for me and Chloe just crossed it. I am willing to die on this hill. If she is mad at me the rest of the day, fine - I can deal with it. Apparently, it's unreasonable for a parent to ask a teenager to wear a coat. And it is worthy of the biggest of melt-downs, temper-tantrums, and all around disgust on the part of the required coat wearer.

 

I get that teens hate to look "poofy" and that jackets do exactly that. I'm willing to negotiate when the weather is a balmy 20 or 30 degrees. But I would be neglecting my parental duties if I allowed my daughter with .01% body fat to keep her warm, to head out into the polar vortex without protection. Even at the cost of her possibly looking "poofy." I HAD to play the parent card. And as you can tell, I won! She simply can't understand why she would possibly need a jacket to run from her car to the gym in -2 degree weather. Ahhh, the invincibility of youth. 

And so that Chloe doesn't feel singled out. This same scenario played itself out too many times to mention with both Gavin and Bennett when they were teenagers while living in both Minnesota and Colorado. Somehow, coats and jackets are seen as a badge of shame, weakness, the extreme of uncool. How could parents not see this?! At the most important time of your life when you can NEVER not look cool - parents are out there forcing their will on kids because they don't want to see them die of hypothermia on the way to school. Can you believe how unsympathetic parents are sometimes?

And if you don't have teenagers yet and can't possibly imagine yourself in this scenario, just wait. At one time, many moons ago, when my flock were all under the age of 10, they all wore coats outside when it was cold. And that was when we lived in Texas and thought cold meant 50 degrees. How innocently naive we were. They were happy to oblige their dictatorial mother and don the poofiest jacket in the closet as long as they could roam and play outside in the "frigid" weather. In my wildest dreams I couldn't have imagined they would turn on me with such animosity and choose to die on this hill of jacket wearing. This came as much of a shock to me as to anyone. 

 

However, if this is the depth of teenage rebellion we have to deal with, so be it. The teenage years are supposed to be a clash of wills. Your adolescent just wants to prove to you that they can do everything without your help or input. That's normal. I'm okay with that. I've learned to not impose my will on my teens (most of the time). We talk things through (negotiate), ask questions (get them to think through the consequences), and share stories of past experiences. The wise parents before us advised us to choose our battles. I choose the Wear A Jacket In Zero Degrees Or Below Battle. And I will every time. 

Tea Snobs

 

 

 

This is my actual cupboard.

And these are all the teas laid out neatly in all their glory for all to behold.

 

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say: we have a tea problem. Nobody in their right mind - unless they own a tea shop - needs that many tea offerings. We have green tea, black tea, herbal tea, loose-leaf tea, Indian tea, Canadian tea, Boulder tea, and British tea. 

I think our family is single-handedly responsible for keeping the tea industry afloat in the U.S. Your welcome. Because of our vast purchasing power, we have lowered the cost for the general public. You know it's bad when America doesn't have enough tea options and you have to start ordering your tea online from Canada. 

 

Our trip to Victoria, British Columbia last year is responsible for this new trend. We happened upon a tea shop during our day trip to this most quaint of Canadian towns, and accidentally found ourselves in the oldest tea establishment in the province. It was love at first sip. Both of us were hooked. Now we are forced to order our over-priced tea online once a month. I guess it's a slightly cheaper habit than say, being wine connoisseurs.

 

Please know, whenever you come visit us, you might want to spend some quality time previewing the photos on this blog first so you won't be overwhelmed when we offer you a friendly, warm cuppa tea.

Every Morning

 

 

This is the view from my back patio. I usually wake up with the sun. My bedroom window faces east, so I can see the early morning rays peaking through my blinds. As soon as I catch a glimmer of pink through my barely open eyes, I literally jump out of bed. I actually run to the back door, phone in hand, and stand in awe of each new dawning day. I get the biggest, goofiest grin on my face, and clap with excitement. I am SOOOO happy to see the sunrise each and every morning. I take a picture almost every day. How can I not when this is what I see?! It fills my heart to bursting! This is my sacred moment. This is my contemplative time. This is when I feel the closest to God. I always think: I can't believe I was lucky enough to catch a glimpse of this gift.