Mankato Powwow

Yesterday we did something we've always wanted to do:  attend a real, live Native American Powwow.   The proper name is actually Wacipi (wa-chee-pee), which means 'dancers' in the Dakota language.  It was neat to learn that a powwow is simply a large community gathering of different tribes meeting once a year to dance and renew old friendships.  It's pretty much a celebration of community. 

This particular one is significant because it occurs on the anniversary of the largest mass execution in US history.  In Mankato,  over 150 years ago, 38 Dakota were hanged.  The history behind this is fascinating and goes mostly untold.  I only learned about it last year.  

It was humbling being the minority in the crowd.  I was amazed that they opened up this deeply personal, special event to out-siders such as us.   I was saddened by the obvious signs of poverty.  I admired the beautiful art work that they have kept alive along with their history amidst many cultural challenges.  Lastly, I was impressed that there were no words of bitterness directed towards the whites. I don't think I would have acted so honorably having received such a short end of the stick.

Also surprising to me was the fact that as a people, the Native Americans are very patriotic.  The Grand Entry began with a procession of flags and men in uniform who served in several different wars.

I saw this guy dancing in the ring the whole time.  He was rather intimidating looking.  I was too scared to take his picture so I paid our neighbor girl (who joined us on our expedition) to take it for me.  We were supposed to ask each dancer permission to take their picture. But I just couldn't bring myself to ask this gentleman for permission.  If he said "no", how do you recover from that?  I knew he wouldn't say no to a young girl.

Wisdom

Even though I may not be Catholic I still admire Pope Francis and his tender, humble heart towards God and people.  I especially appreciate his quote on doubt and faith:

"If one has the answers to all the questions that is the proof that God is not with him. It means that he is a false prophet using religion for himself. The great leaders of the people of God, like Moses, have always left room for doubt. You must leave room for the Lord, not for our certainties; we must be humble."

This struck a chord with me because I've known many self-righteous people in my day who seem to have Christianity and God all figured out.  I have often felt like the lone questioner or the only one who doesn't get it or the only one who must be doing it wrong.  I definitely prefer this posture of humility towards God and others.  

Lord, please forgive me for the times I've acted as if I've known it all. I know nothing, only that You love all of us and want me to do the same. Please show me how.  Forgive me for desiring to be right more often than desiring to love and show grace. Thank you for teaching me how to follow you.

Staying Afloat

As we have been walking this unknown path these last few weeks of unemployment I've taken great comfort in the writings of David G. Benner from his book "Surrender to Love".  Ironically, I was reading this book before these events unfolded.  I thought I'd already 'surrendered to love'.  I was about to find out just how wrong I was.

I've heard the term 'surrender' most of my life.  I'm very familiar with it.  I thought I knew exactly how to 'do it'.  Afterall, I 'surrender' something to God at least every 2.7 seconds throughout the day. Apparently I like to take the 'surrendered stuff' back once I give it up to Him and have to go back to Him with my tail between my legs and give it Him again.   Humbling, yes.  If I've supposedly already learned this lesson, why then do I keep trying to take back control?  Why am I more comfortable in the position of control than allowing God to be?

Easy...I haven't completely surrendered to love.  We hear so much in Christian circles about how God demands/commands/requires our obedience to surrender.  Is God really that militaristic?  I don't think so.  Maybe that's why we have a hard time surrendering...who wants to surrender something to someone when you're afraid of that someone on some subconscious level.

Surrendering to love comes out of the deepest knowing that you are loved in your most vulnerable, naked state.  You know you have nothing to offer.  You know you can't make yourself look better, do better, be better, yet you are desired above all else - and you actually believe it.  That is transforming love.  That is unconditional love.  That is a safe place.  That is the truest sense of love.  And in that most peaceful, content, restful place you can't help but trust, you can't help but yield out of love for the one who loves you.  Surrender isn't demanded from this lover, it is a result of knowing and being in love.  It happens naturally.  It's a response to love.

Then it dawned on me....I've never truly surrendered to the love of God.   Maybe at times I've tasted that delectable goodness and freedom and joy but then let it go out of fear that I might lose it.  Twisted thinking, I know, but true none-the-less.  Fear is like that.

Dr. Benner gave the most amazing analogy to surrender that I've ever read or heard about and haven't been able to get it out of my mind. I was hoping to write a poem about it, but it never came to me in that form.  So I'm writing it down in this format to keep this picture alive in my mind and heart and so maybe one day my kids can read it and find peace when they need it.

He explained that God and His love are like a river.  We surrender when we float on this river.  When we struggle, we sink.  When we try to tread water, we eventually sink.  When we pick our head up to look around to see where we are, we sink.  When we are afraid we're going the wrong way and panic, we sink.  We only float when we rest and let the river carry us.  The only effort floating takes is letting go of your trying.  It is being in a state of rest.  That is surrender.  And that is beautiful.

So I'll just be floating down the river today if you need me.

My Public Image

The other day I was outside visiting with one of my neighbors when she confides in me that they are pregnant.  This is fantastic news because a year ago she went through a heart breaking miscarriage.  However, the news gets even better.  She's having twins.  The cool thing about this is her husband told her that she could stay at home if she ever had twins and wouldn't have to go back to work (thinking it would most likely never happen).  She was telling me their conversation about this and told me, "And then he said, 'Well, I guess you're going to have to talk to Cori and have her teach you how to make soap.'"  This is in reference to how they're going to have to cut back on living costs and be more efficient with less income.  Apparently I have a reputation.

Soap???

There were just so many questions running through my mind at that precise moment, I had no idea how to respond.  I must have said something stupid like, "Oh ya, anytime."

Soap???  So the neighbors think of me sitting at home all day making homemade soap since I'm a stay at home mom?  How did I get this notoriety?  Who is spreading soap rumors about me?  Do I look like someone who would make her own homemade soap?  Granted, I went through a phase a year ago where I was making my own laundry detergent and deodorant but have since ceased all such nonsense (it costs too much to make your own and doesn't work nearly as well, for the record).  But I don't recall ever going outside and making a public announcement to the neighborhood about my homemade soap making abilities.  Are my neighbors secretly referring to me as 'The Homemade Soap Lady'?  I'm beside myself with my newfound public image.  What else could they possibly think of me?  Why do I care so much?  Most importantly, what are my kids saying about me when they're at the neighbor's house?

I better scour the internet for a good soap making recipe for my neighbor for when her twins are due - they're counting on me and I don't want to let them down...afterall, I am The Homemade Soap Lady.

On Being Different

Bennett tells me the other day that he thinks he'd like to take Judo and wants to know where he can sign up.  I tell him that's cool and all but he's going to have to wait until after basketball season.  We have a one extracurricular activity per kid per season rule in our house for our own sanity.  I then proceed to encourage him to google all the Judo schools in the area and let me know which ones look cool and we can look at them together.

I sense he wants to talk more about it before beginning his research so I ask him why he's suddenly so interested in Judo.  He responds with, "Well, just look at Gavin.  He's so strong and muscular and confident now that he's been doing Tae-kwon-do for so long.  I want that too."  That's as close to complimenting his brother as we're going to get.  I told him I agreed with him and can understand.  He admires what martial arts does to a person mentally and physically and he wants in.

He went to look up his new dream and only minutes later came to find me with his hopes shattered and dreams dashed about like broken glass.  Apparently, there are no martial arts schools close enough to home that offer Judo for kids.  Heartbroken.  Now what?

Chuck felt the need to take this discussion further.  He couldn't understand why Bennett didn't want to just go to the same Tae-kwon-do school as Gavin that is 5 minutes from our house and asked him about it? Bennett responds with, "Well....Dad...I don't want to be known as 'Gavin's Younger Brother'.  I want to strike out on my own, do my own thing."

Ahhhh....I see what we have going on here.

"Plus, I like Judo cuz it's Japanese and I like all things about Japan."

Ok, makes sense.

"I just want to be different than Gavin."

Oh to be the middle child.  Or the youngest.  It's got to be hard, always in the shadow of the oldest.  We tried to be very understanding.  Chuck would have preferred practicality since we could have gotten a second sibling discount.  But I completely understood that this is a big deal to Bennett, so we need to make it a big deal to us.  We have to remember his world and concerns are alot smaller than our adult ones.  Although he may admittedly admire his older brother, he wants to try something a little different because he's a little different.  I totally get it.

Unfortunately our search still ended in failure for Judo.  But we were able to find Wu Shu Kung Fu, which is Chinese, but it's training focuses on stamina and strength, two things Bennett values for his basketball.  Plus, as an added bonus, we read these awesome books this summer about these kids and their impressive Chinese Kung Fu skills.  Now that he can relate, he's sold.  Kung Fu it is.

Come April, we might just have two martial artists in this house.

Life Happens

So, this isn't the most encouraging of posts but it is our life none-the-less and something we will always want to remember for it's moments like these that shape us the most.  Last week Chuck was unexpectedly laid off.  He went from working his dream job to being told he couldn't come back due to no fault of his own just that the company needed to downsize.  The effect this had on him was like being sucker punched in the gut.  He was in shock for a full day.  God was so gracious to give me a premonition that this was about to happen the morning he went to meet with his boss.  I was ready, by the grace of God alone, to be the strong one and support him as he reeled.  He took it in stride and constantly kept a positive outlook always telling me, "hey, it could be worse...we didn't just get news that one of us has a terminal illness, we'll make it through this."  It's all about perspective.  And trust.

Fast forward a week and Chuck has already gone on several job interviews.  The design community and network of friends and colleagues he has is amazing.  He was looking forward to going to downtown Minneapolis for the first of these interviews.  However, he got lost on his way into the city. He accidentally took a wrong turn and couldn't turn around again for like 10 miles.  Plus his phone died and he couldn't look up directions on how to get back.  He was thinking he'd just not go, he didn't want to be late to an interview, plus he wasn't all that excited about this place.  Miraculously, he finds his way back, finds an open parking spot across the street from the building and puts in enough quarters for 1 1/2 hours (he felt he was being overly generous with the time).  

He ends up talking to 6 people during this 3 hour interview.  He comes out of the meeting at 6:30pm. His interview began at 3pm.  He goes to look for his car and can't find it. At this point, he called me said he was low on battery and that he was going to go look for his car.  Somehow he figured out it was at the impound lot.  He found the lot on his maps app and then his phone dies for good.  He burns the directions into his brain and sets out to walk the 2 miles.  

He just so happens to be in the shady side of town where all the bums hang out.  He walked 2 miles past all the bums.  At one point he sees a man sleeping under the bushes and realizes things could be a lot worse....but he's still mad as a hornet.  He gets to the impound lot and there are alot of other people waiting too.  20 minutes and $130 later he leaves with his car to drive home - in rush hour.   He told me later that he stopped at 2 different gas stations to ask to use their phone to call me so that I wouldn't be worried.  Both times he was denied.  Just more nails for him to chew as he was driving home like a maniac. 

I had to pick Gavin up from tae-kwon-do at 8pm.  I left at 7:50 to get him.  I decided that if Chuck wasn't back by time I got home I'd drive into the city and just start looking for him thinking maybe he assaulted the impound lot guy and was in a holding cell or got assaulted himself along the way. Miraculously, he pulled into the driveway as I was pulling out.

Later that night as he was tucking Bennett into bed and retelling his tale of woe, Bennett said, "Dad, I don't believe in coincidence.  I think God wanted you to see that bum.  That was meant to remind you that things can always be worse."  Great minds think alike. :)

No, he doesn't have a job yet.  But that's okay.  We're in God's hands...the best place of all to be.  We can't only trust him when everything is going our way.  The test of our faith is if we really trust him when things are at their worst, when we have lost control and can't find our way.  He will guide us down the path we should go, we have no doubt.  Sometimes it's dark and bleak looking during the waiting time but that is also the growing time and I wouldn't want to change a thing.  We're enjoying this little surprise gift of extra time together.  And we're "counting it all joy when you meet trials of various kinds knowing that the testing of our faith produces steadfastness" (James 1:2).

The High Five

One would think that the customary high five is a natural, in-born response that most children have a visceral understanding of.  Not mine.  High fives in this house are a whole other ballgame.  We don't high five, rather we have the patented "Mallott Hand Clasp" or "The Clasp of Solidarity".  It says "we are one" without using words.

EVERY TIME, without fail, that we go to high five one of our people, they start by hitting palm to palm and then they invariably interlace their fingers with ours to 'finish off' the high five.  Think of it like a hand hug in the air.  Or more like our hands have joined together for prayer in the air.  Either way...it's not normal...but for us it is.  This is how we roll people.

We don't even try to fist bump...who knows what a mess we'd make of that one.

School

I could live in an endless summer if that means my kids are always home, it's always sunny and hot out and we have ample books and outdoor activities to keep us going.  Throw a few road trips in there and I'm completely sold.  The problem is, I just love being with my kids so much that when school starts again every year like it always does, I get so lonely.  All my playmates are gone.   All peeps find new peeps to hang with.  Those 3 months of summer are always my favorite.  I'm thrilled that my kids are so excited to go to school and that they love to learn and they get ample opportunities to love other people...I just wish I could do it with them.  I guess it's best to yank the band-aid off fast, so that's what today was for me...it was like a band-aid being ripped off my body fast and furious.  It's all good though.  I survived.  My kids are on cloud 9 each in their respective schools.  We've got one at each: Elementary, Middle and High School.  I've got a lot to be thankful for.  I like to take a picture with the kids on the first day of school to document that I'm shrinking in height.  Each of them have grown so much.  By the end of this school year, I might just be the shortest one.

Chloe the 4th grader who is already in love with her teacher.

Bennett the 6th grader.  

He was so proud to tell us that he only got lost twice today.  

Gavin the 9th grader.  

He has finally discovered his sense of style and I couldn't be happier.

It was so sweet to hear a little knock on our door at 7am from our sweet neighbor Jenna.  She is like a sister to Chloe.  She just stopped by to wish Chloe a wonderful first day of school.  Is that a friend or what?!  And then she walked with Bennett to their bus stop and looked out for him at school today.  I wish I'd taken a picture with Jenna too cuz she's like my own child.  

Cheating

Yesterday we were driving down a stretch of road where you frequently see many people running and biking.  It was around dinner time.  As we look over to the side walk, we see this lady in her workout clothes walking briskly as she's shoving a foot long Subway sandwich down her gullet.  It was hilarious!  It was as if she was in a race to finish the sandwich before she got home so no one would see any signs of her eating it as she's 'working out'.  Or maybe she wanted a foot long so bad that she justified it by walking all the way to Subway and then back home to make herself feel better.

Then Bennett busts out with, "That's kinda like mom eating her 3 cookies before she works out."

And I'm like, "Bennett!!!  How could you divulge my secrets?!" in mock horror knowing he's completely right.

It's pathetically true, though.  Me and the Subway lady are the same.

We all had a good chuckle over that one.  Unfortunately, at my expense.

Smile Problems

As Chloe and I were cuddling in bed this morning, enjoying the last days of summer together before they slip on by and school schedules start taking over, she confides something of great importance to me.

"Mom, you know what problem I have?"

"What Sweetie?"

"Every time I smile, drool comes out the corners of my mouth."

"Seriously? Like only when you're laying down or all the time?"

"All the time.  When I smile real big then I have to do this..." she says as she's wiping the corners of her adorable mouth with the backside of her hand.

"Oh my.  That is a problem.  I never knew this about you.  That's what I'm going to think about every time you smile from now on."

And then we both got a huge case of the giggles.

What a fun way to start the day.

Every Parent's Worst Nightmare

As I was taking Ninja for her walk one morning I noticed an older guy in a yard trimming a tree.  I have walked this route 2 to 3 times a day (less in the winter of course) every day for over 2 years.  I know almost everyone.  I didn't recognize this gentleman.  Being that this is Minnesota, EVERYONE stops and talks to you - that whole 'Minnesota Nice' thing.  I'm never nervous talking to a stranger - normally.

But today something just seemed 'off'.  You know how as parents we tell our kids not to talk to strangers or don't go with anyone even if they tell you 'your mom told you to come with me'?  Well....I kinda didn't listen to that little voice in my head.

As I'm passing this yard with the guy trimming trees he says to me, "Hi There.  Have you ever seen a baby bunny before?  Would you like to see one now?"

"Ummmm." Trying desperately hard to think of an excuse cuz all my warning signs are going off all at once.  I mean come on, a baby bunny?

"Thanks anyways, but my dog will probably eat it."

"Oh don't worry about that.  Here, let me take your dog, you just go on over there back by the garage.  There's a bush in the corner.  You have to bend down real low to see the duck's nest and right inside there you'll find the baby bunny."

"Ummmm.  Ok."  Idiot.  (I'm referring to myself, not him)

I know he sees the 'gullible' tattoo forever engraved on my forehead because why else would he think I would fall for such a scam as this.  But being that I like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and the fact that I can't say no,  I comply.  I meekly hand over Ninja to this complete stranger and head towards the bush.

I bend down long enough to see that there is indeed a duck nest behind the bush but I see no sign of the bunny.  However, since he wants me to see this bunny so badly I act as if I did.  I didn't want him coming over there to help me find the bunny, so I kinda told a little fib.  I was just anxious to get away from there.

He then goes on to give me too much information about how he's just helping his son who lives there trim the house and by the way his son is in NY for the week and there used to be two baby bunnies but he thinks one got eaten.....yadayadayada.

"Ok.  Thank you for that.  Have a nice day."

And I promptly walk away, pulling out my phone to call Chuck immediately so I could tell on myself.  I know it was a dumb thing to do, but I just couldn't make this poor guy feel bad by walking by and being rude.  He immediately told me to call my Dad who would never believe my story.  My Dad who has spent his entire life trying to keep me safe and taught me how to make safe choices.

You would think I was a dumb blonde or something.

Colorado Vacation in Pictures

 My brother-in-law retired this year from the military.  So we thought it would be fun to make a family vacation out of our trip west since none of us have ever seen this part of the country.  Since so many extended family members also came to support John, it also turned into one massive family reunion.  Luckily I was able to narrow down my 600 pictures to just 35 that captured the essence of this wonderful get-a-way.

We drove through South Dakota specifically to see the Badlands.

They are unlike anything you can imagine.  Beautiful and erie all at once. 

Unbeknownst to us, Sturgis, the annual Motorcycle Rally in S.D was the exact same weekend.  We were accompanied by 600,000 bikers EVERYWHERE we went.  You can read into that all you like.

They were even at Mt. Rushmore with us.  We thoroughly enjoyed the hike at the base of the mountain.  The Black Hills are absolutely beautiful, no wonder it's sacred Native American land.

As we left S.D. we drove through Wind Cave National Park.  This was one of my fondest memories.  It was so peaceful here.  Chuck and I got out of the car and walked down a path and just stood in the silence and soaked up the beauty of the nature around us.  Definitely one of the highlights of our trip.

Apparently Bennett captured us walking back to the car with our hearts full of serenity.

As we were driving through the park, we were stopped by a herd of bison.  

Just one of many of the wildlife we were to encounter on our adventure.

We also saw a gorgeous buck.

These little squirrels were everywhere and enjoyed people watching.

There were so many butterflies in the flowering alpine meadows.

At the very top of the world, we saw a herd of elk lying peacefully on the mountain side.

We also encountered a new animal we had never before seen, a marmot.  They live only in the Alpine Tundra.  They come out of their hibernation for only 6 weeks in the summer.  Lucky us!

This is the top of the world....the Alpine Tundra.  We were at 12,000 feet above sea level here.  The tree line stops at 11,300 feet.  It was cold.  And altitude sickness was starting to wreak havoc with us.

  On our drive through the mountains, it started snowing.  We experienced a

 40 degree temperature difference in one day.  

We explored The Devil's Backbone in Loveland, CO.

We experienced the beauty and awe that is Bear Lake in Rocky Mountain National Park

We hiked up to an altitude of 10,000 feet.  We only made a 605 foot increase in altitude, 

but it was definitely felt, trust me!  It was one of the most gorgeous hikes we've ever been on.

By far, our most favorite time in Colorado was spent white water rafting. 

What a thrill ride!  We could do this all day, every day.  We were a machine! 

We got all dressed up to attend John's retirement ceremony.

This is a large group of people!  We went to the Air Force Academy Chapel, Rudy's BBQ and The Garden of the Gods all together.  You can imagine the scene we made.

This is inside the Academy Chapel.  It was specifically designed to inspire an aeronautical feel.

 It was a fascinating place in regard to art and architecture.

We saw Pike's Peak from a distance.

We saw the Kissing Camels in the Garden of the Gods.

And the Three Graces too!

The boys played some serious basketball.  Fun times for all.

We hiked some more in Colorado Springs, this time we were at Palmer Park.

Look, I'm up high and not freaking out!  I had a major revelation on this trip:

I'm not scared of heights, I'm just scared of falling.  I don't know how that helps, but it does.

We played.

We rested.

We visited a site unique to Colorado, Bishop Castle.  This place is built by one man.  There is no architectural plan nor order to the castle.  It just is.  You take your life in your own hands at this place.  It's so fascinating, you can't not go in it.  There are 3 turrets that go up higher than the tree line. The owner has welded all the metal work himself.  It's truly unbelievable.

One of the creepy things about this place is the bridge to no where.  The bridge just ends right behind Chuck and John.  Seriously, it just goes straight down with no guard rail in sight.

The stone and metal work are beautiful.

And here you have a random staircase not supported by anything.

We hiked some more in the San Isabel National Forest near Pueblo, CO.

Notice how Chloe is 'hiking'.  She hurt her knee half way down and had to be carried.  Don't worry, she didn't stay like this long, Chuck was just messing with her.  He was exhausted after walking 1.5 miles down a mountain for 45 minutes with 50 extra pounds on his back.

It made my heart smile to see the beautiful welcome home sign from the neighbors.

There's no place like home.