Bonus Points

I just totally earned a TON of bonus points with my boys this weekend.  Daddy and Chloe went camping so the boys and I got to spend a bunch of extra time together.  I knew they would think much higher of me if I were to suggest we go see a 'boy movie'.  I NEVER watch 'boy movies'.  Ok, I confess, I did just recently watch The Amazing Spiderman 2 and lived to tell about it.  It wasn't as bad as I had assumed it would be.  Normally, when the boys want to see a comic book movie or action/adventure movie, it's Chuck who takes them.  Afterall, he is a former boy, he gets it.  He still likes that stuff.  Me - not so much.

I checked the listings of the local theater and found Godzilla to be one of the only options of acceptable movies to go see.  So I suggested to the boys we go check it out.  Their immediate response was, "Are you sure you want to see this mom?"  A reasonable question given their intimate knowledge of my likes and dislikes.  "Sure, " I said, "I just want to do something with y'all that I know you would enjoy."  They were stoked.

Of course going to our favorite pizza joint before the movie only served to raise my cool factor that much higher.  And then there was the movie.  I really thought I could make it through it.  I figured how bad could it really be?  There really aren't words to describe my feelings about that movie.

As soon as the show was over and we were walking out the boys asked me, "So, Mom, how did you like it?" eager for my response.  I didn't want to kill the mood, so I just said, "I'll have to tell you later. How did you like it?"  Of course it was incredibly awesome to them in that gory, destructive, loud, unrealistic way boys see the world.

Once we get in the car Gavin is like, "So was it the sensory overload that got to you or all the destruction?"  Oh how he knows me.  "Both, actually. And the fact that is was so completely unrealistic.  But I can see how if you love science-fiction, that movie was probably really cool to you." Then Bennett piped in with, "At one point I was about to tell you that you didn't have stay in here and watch it, you could wait outside for us, but then this really awesome part happened and I forgot to tell you and figured you'd probably want to see that part."  How thoughtful.

The boys really were so super thankful that I would do something with them that they knew I really didn't like.  Because it's not about me.  Rather, it was about me doing something that I knew they really liked and I like them so, why not put up with an unrealistic, loud, poorly acted, loud, destructive, loud, violent, loud movie for 2 hours.  It was the least I could do to show my love.

All of parenthood is a sacrifice.  It starts off that way and never ends.  It's brutal at the beginning, sacrificing your sleep, all your free time, all your money; their needs are instantly more important than your own.  After a while, they become more self sufficient and independent needing less and less of us. That's the plan.  They shouldn't need us as much, but want us.  I recently heard a quote that said: "It isn't a sacrifice unless it costs you something."

I sacrificed my sanity, peace of mind and eardrums for my boys so they would know how much I loved them and wanted to hang out with them doing what they loved to do.   Their love tanks are full now. They were so incredibly thankful all day and kept thanking me over and over.  It truly does feel better to give than to receive.

The Teen Whisperer

This blog seems to have turned into what I have learned through the course of being a mom.  Since I've never been one before, I'm forever learning.  This holds true for every phase.  I've never been the parent of a teenager before.  I rather like it.  At times it is maddening, I must confess, but most of the time it is very enlightening.

I'm lucky to spend most every day at home with my kids and my neighbor kids.  I've always been drawn more to kids than people my own age.  I feel like I can relate to them better.  If I'm ever at a party, I'm the one sitting at the 'kid table'.  I just love picking their brains and listening to how they see the world.  I truly find it fascinating.

What I've learned from my time with teens is this:  

1.  They WANT to spend time with adults, specifically their parents.  BUT they want to do this on their own terms.  They want you there.  Just being there is super important.  They don't want to feel forced into having to spend time with you, they want to chose to.  And when given the choice, they will normally chose you.  They are mini grown-ups or grown-ups in training.  The way kids have always learned is by mimicking what they see.  It's no different when they are in adolescent bodies.  Just being there goes a long way.  Being there for the mundane happenstances of life carry much more weight in the long run than those few 'quality time' experiences.  They don't want more stuff - they want more you.

2.  They WANT you to respect and trust them.  This goes a LONG way.  All the hours of time you spent teaching them as children, the difference between right and wrong, politeness, manners, how to make good choices, how to pick friends....they remember these things.  Trust that they are drawing from what's inside them, from the tools you gave them when they were young.  Kids, no matter what their age, will always live up to your expectations.  If  you set the bar low, it shows you don't really have faith in them and feel that your nagging and constant reminding are the only way they will listen.  If you set the bar high, they will reach it.  I've witnessed this too many times to not believe it.  Also, you HAVE to respect them first before they will respect you.

3.  They WILL mess up - let them.  This is the training ground for adulthood.  Let them fail while they are in the safety of their own homes surrounded by people who love them.  Yes, their failures have bigger consequences the older they get and those failures are scary.  But just like learning to ride a bike or learning how to walk - they learn from their many failures.  We HAVE to let our kids fail and we have to be there for them when they do.  We can't fear failure otherwise they will.  Don't hide your past failures from them.  Talk to them about what you learned from your bad choices when you were their age.  Talk to them about the mistakes you still make and how you learn from them.  They will see you as human, just  like them.  Kids often set their parents on a pedestal and feel they do no wrong.  Mercy and compassion go a long way.

4.  They WILL be moody - let them.  They have never been this age before - you have.  Remember what it felt like to be stuck in this new, adult body with emotions, feelings and thoughts you've never had before.  It's weird, scary, confusing.  They need time alone to make sense of all the massive change that is happening in and around them.  Give them time alone to process all of this.  The older more mature person needs to always be more understanding and patient of the less mature.  This is what love does.  It doesn't take their moodiness personally.  It doesn't get offended when they want to be alone.

5.  Your opinion still matters. They want your affirmation.  They want to know they're on the 'right' path.  BUT they don't want to be told how to get there, they want to figure it out for themselves.  The most loving thing to do is to let them.  Encourage them along the way.  Build them up.  Let them know they are on the right track.  They miss valuable lessons by you just telling them what to do at this age. Problem solving is a very important skill to learn.  When they ask your opinion, give it honestly and in some cases delicately for issues of the heart (such as boyfriends and girlfriends).

6.  If you want them to spend time doing what you like, you have to FIRST take an interest in what's important to them.  This is a big deal.  Most parents and teens have vastly different interests and chances are, you are really not into what they are.  For example, my boys are super into Minecraft.  I could really care less about it.  But I need to show an interest in what they like because it's a part of them.  It shows I value them, all sides of them.  They love to show me the worlds they build, they love to talk to me about techniques they used.  I try to ask pertinent quetions.  We've even set up challenges where they build something, make a rubric and then Chuck and I 'grade' each person's design based on the rubric they came up with.  

7. They want you to LISTEN to them.   Really listen.  Stop what you're doing and listen.  Put down the phone, turn off the tv, focus all your attention on them.  Sometimes they don't know how to explain how they feel so their actions show their feelings instead.  Sometimes they want to talk for hours - at 11pm when you want to sleep.  Sometimes we don't want to hear the brutal honesty of what they want to share.  Take the time to listen and not talk.  The action of listening seems to be a lost art.  We love to tell others what we think.  We love to jump into a conversation and try to relate.  We love to make sure our point of view is understood.  But listening involves being silent, giving space and being there. Sometimes your teen may just want to you there so they can vent.  Other times they may talk just to get their thoughts out in the open making them not seem so scary or confusing.  And then there are times when they talk and really, truly, honestly want to hear what you have to say - but they have to initiate. Don't offer advice, help, opinions unless prompted to do so. 

Ahhh....Summer!

Oh how I love summer, let me count the ways:

1. no schedule
2. lots of sun
3. kids home
4. eating outside
5. more time with friends
6. lots of play time
7. perfect weather
8. the smell of fresh-cut grass
9. fields of cornstalks waving in the wind
10. working in the backyard
11. birdsongs
12. sunsets at the lake
13. the heat of the sun on my skin

These past few days have been the epitome of all that summer is for me.  I just love having the kids home!  It's not so much that they want to do stuff with me, but it's the fact that they want me there, they want to hang out at our house and just spend time together.  Sometimes it looks like us just sitting on the sofa reading a book together. Other times it's lazy evenings eating ice cream and watching our favorite summer shows (yay Food Network Star and American Ninja Warrior!).  The last couple of days it looks like neighborhood friends coming and hanging out at our house all day long.  How I love that!  I love that everyone wants to be here.

It's not so much that the kids friends are here that I love, it's who they are that I love.  They are the sweetest people.  We have a high school freshman, junior and senior that think it's fun coming to hang with us all day.  Not to mention my own 3.  And eating all our food.  It's always busy here around lunch time.  They spent one whole day playing hide n seek in the house.  When that game ran it's course they felt the need to consult with the activities coordinator for more exciting ideas.  I am pleased to announce that I did have a few acceptable activities up my sleeve for just such an occasion.

They ended up spending the rest of the afternoon demolishing my family room.  I suggested building obstacle courses and racing through them.  In my mind's eye, I saw them outside doing this particular activity.  But they preferred the indoors so I gave them cart blanche reign over the family room.  There's not much that can get hurt in that room.

Not once did anyone turn on the tv or complain of being bored.  I loved watching this creativity in action.  This is what I love about being a stay at home mom.

When the excitement of that started to wane they were ready for more ideas from the idea generator. Thank God I had time to think.  Most of my ideas were great 7 years ago, not so much anymore.  I need to start thinking like a teenager again.  A cool one.  The next idea I came up with was a shot in the dark, but I knew my kids really enjoyed this game so I thought everyone might.  They ended up playing the communication game that we always enjoy around here.  It was so fun to listen and watch as the neighbor kids struggled through what at first glance is an apparently easy game to play.

After whittling away the rest of the afternoon everyone said goodbye only to start again the next day.
Yesterday they began by building an obstacle course for me to go through.  Then somehow, I'm still not exactly sure, but I was the one building the obstacle course and timing them as they raced through it. I was deemed an expert course builder, a title I hold dear.  Next on the agenda was a bike ride up to the convenience store for junk food - sans Mom.

They all made plans to meet back at our house once it was dark (making it like 9:30pm) for serious play time.  There's nothing quite like a game of hide-n-seek in the dark.  They also added a new game that the freshman learned at church camp - Murder in the Dark.  Since it was a church camp game afterall, I felt it would be acceptable.  Thankfully, they modified it to be a little more non-violent, so instead of using your finger to mimic slicing the victims throat, they chose to tap the victim on the head.  I was so proud of them.  Chuck got to enjoy the all the dark games while I got to enjoy the peace and quiet of reading alone in my room.  I was exhausted after a full day of play.

Today looked completely different from the other two days.  Chloe and Bennett played with the little 7 and 5 year old girls from across the street.  I just love how all the ages can blend together and play so well together.  Each family genuinely looks out for each other and each other's kids.  My heart is full.

The Driving Vacation

You know how we always enjoy a good road trip?  Well....this one was a doozy.  I think it was a little too much road and not enough trip for us.  Out of 13 days of vacation, we drove for 8 of those days. Chuck needed to get back to work to just take a vacation from his vacation.  But all those miles logged meant more time together building memories and living experiences that we can talk (and laugh) about for years to come.  Here's a recap of the drive, uh, I mean, vacation.  We went to:

2 countries

2 provinces

9 states

6 hotels

1 cabin

3,951 miles

Our first stop was Niagara Falls. 

We got to have double the fun with Grandparents there.

After four days, we made it to Maine, specifically Acadia National Park.

We walked on the sandbar that gives Bar Harbor it's name. 

The best hike we've ever had was the waterfall 

hike up Dorr Mountain on a rainy afternoon.

The trails were so beautifully built.  

We took three incredible hikes all three days we were at the park.

We kayaked in the Atlantic Ocean

Just something beautifully unique.

On the top of Cadillac Mountain at the eastern most edge of the continent. 

This is the first place in the continental U.S. that witnesses the sunrise each morning.

Chloe admiring the Atlantic Ocean on her perch at the edge of the world.

Those mountains in the background are called Bubble Rock North and South.

Their innocuous name belies the treacherous climb to reach the top.  They

don't seem very bubbly when you're grasping for breath and holding on for dear life.

Quaint, picturesque Old Town Montreal.  You really do feel

as if you just went back in time and are walking the streets of Paris.

A picture perfect sunset in Terrebonne, Quebec.

A policeman took this family photo of us.  That is lake Ontario in the background.   This policeman walked up to me as I was taking this picture and told me that no photos were allowed in the park.  I instantly clicked my camera off, put it down and tried to not act/look guilty as charged.  He looked dead serious, but apparently he was joking cuz in the next breath he asked if he could take our picture.  I guess I don't understand Canadian humor.

My astute planning landed us in Toronto on Canada Day.  NOTHING is open on Canada Day.  No grocery stores, Target or shopping malls. Zilch. So, hypothetically, if you happen to need underwear because you only packed enough for 10 days and not 13, you're in trouble. Recycling is an option.  But so is buying over inflated laundry detergent at a gas station and begging the baseball team of boys hogging the washing machine at the hotel to squeeze a load in between all of their dirty clothes and then sitting there the rest of the night in front of the washer/dryer like you were in college.  Soooo...we went to a lot of parks, skipped alot of rocks  and found a movie theater.  Thank God restaurants were open or we wouldn't have seen much of Toronto from our hotel room.  Canada also offered us the most exquisite food of our trip.   Every time we see The Amazing Spiderman 2 we will think of you Toronto.

We had a little mis-understanding between us and Canada on our first stop at the border.  The intimidating guard asked us if we had any weapons on us, specifically spring-loaded knives.  Chuck said "no".  But ever the rule follower and not wanting to hide anything from nice Mr. Guard I asked Chuck, "Don't we have that camping knife in our glove box?"  Mr. Guard did not like me talking to Chuck or opening the glove box.  He started acting very nervous and asked Chuck, "What's she saying, what's she doing?"  It was a little perilous there for a while.  I learned the hard way that camping knives do not qualify as spring-loaded.  That is helpful to know if you're ever crossing a border and feel the need to divulge every last detail in the hopes of being completely honest and forthcoming.  Also, never open a glove box at a border crossing, they won't think you're looking for your Swiss Army Knife that you thought you left in there after your last camping trip.  It might make them a little upset.  I'm just passing along helpful tips for travelers here.  After that little incident I promised to never to say a word at any more border crossings from now on.  I am mute.

Let's just say we continued to have border crossing issues, even after my declaration of muteness.  This time I didn't open my mouth and insert my foot, instead, I just simply forgot my purse at the hotel - after we had already checked out.  I just happened to not remember that little fact until after we got in line to cross back into the US from Canada at Niagara Falls.  Ooops.  There are no u-turns in the border crossing lanes.  You get drilled (read: interrogated, motives under suspicion, questioned about your goings and comings and gambling habits and your entire itinerary)  leaving the country.  You get drilled coming back in and you in turn get drilled trying to leave it again, 15 minutes later.  If we didn't look suspicious, I don't know who does.  That was a good day for all of us.

Lastly, Bennett kept us laughing for days with his keen observation.  Once we'd been driving in Canada for about an hour, Bennett looks up from his book and was like, "Are we in Canada?"  We answered in the affirmative.  He then went on with, "I didn't know they had fields here."  What??!? Explain yourself Bennett.  "I thought it would be all snowy and cold."  There was nothing to say, we just shook our heads in utter amazement.  However, we did enjoy pointing out all the fields to Bennett the entire rest of our trek through Canada.  They have LOTS of fields by the way.  And in the winter, they are filled with snow, so you probably can't see them.  But trust me, they are there.  I've seen them.

Font Fanatics

The other evening we had a friend over for dinner.  This friend was lamenting his font woes with Chuck.  Being that both are Designers, they could talk about fonts for hours.  Friend was frustrated with the font choices he was allowed to use at his job.  This spearheaded a serious font discussion by all at the table.  The kids each piped in with, "Well, maybe you should try (this) font...".  Friend was amazed number one, that the kids even knew what 'font' meant and number two, that they even knew the names of several fonts.

Oh ya.  We're that family.  We have serious font opinions. Chuck feels so strongly about fonts that he even has a whole blog post devoted to the subject matter at hand.  How could you be a child of Chuck, sit under his tutelage and not walk away with an insider's information about fonts and the images they project?

Since we piqued Friend's interest, he took the bait and asked what each of our favorite fonts were.  For the interest of the story, I shall write these fonts in a different format and post them as a png on my blog - otherwise you would have no clue what "Proxima Nova" looked like and would not get the deeper meaning of this incredibly deep blog post.

Doesn't that just help explain so much!  Each person's personality is perfectly represented by their font choice.  A font tells a reader more than you ever imagined.  I'll let you read into our personalities how ever you choose. 

Summer Vacation - Day 1

We have been out of school exactly 1 whole day and life couldn't get much better.  Well...it is about to because we're fixin to go on a real, road-trip vacation pretty soon, but I mean, as far as life is concerned, summer vacation is about as good as it gets.  I just love having my kids home from school!  I miss them so much when they're gone.  I love the carefree, come what may, fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants kind of days that summer brings.

Our very first day was no exception.  We were able to help out a friend who had a last minute trip come up and asked if we could watch their 2 year old daughter for the day.  It was as if  I had the gift of being transported back in time with my own kids.  She was SO MUCH FUN!  I felt like I got to re-live my kids at 2 again.  But this time, my kids got to experience it along with me.

Meet Tenley and her two favorite admirers.  Chloe and Bennett couldn't get enough of her.  They even sat outside my bedroom door when I put her down for her nap and listened to her talk to her stuff animals.  Bennett kept asking me if he could go wake her up so he could play with her some more.  She brought the fun curiosity and unexpectedness of a toddler into the house and kept us in stitches laughing all day.  I'd say that was a pretty fun way to start off summer vacation.

As Chloe and Bennett entertained Tenley, Gavin was hard at work on his computer tapping away.  He has decided to take an online Harvard Extension course, Intro to Computer Science since he wants to learn programming but wasn't sure which language he wanted to learn first.  He recently taught himself a little Java in order to make some Minecraft Mods (whatever that means), which were super important to him.  Then he moved on to creating his own servers so he and his friends could connect and play the same mods (again...not sure what that means, but I know I couldn't do it, so I was impressed he figured out a way).  Finally he decided that he would put his Chromebook laptop computer to better use and decided to download the Linux Operating System onto it.  No one told or showed him how.  He just troubleshooted for hours until, voila! there it was, operating on his computer.  I asked him why he did it and he said in bigger words than I repeating, "Because it can run programs that are desktop based; my other operating system couldn't do that."  Alrighty then.

How does your kid wake up one day and just understand the world in a whole different way and on a whole deeper level than you?  He speaks a tech language that I don't understand.  He has found his niche and can't learn enough fast enough.  I admire him greatly.  I love his determination and perseverance during this process of growth.   I also am endeared to my Daily Gavin Factoids.  I love the random facts that spew from his mouth at any time of the day or night.  He ensures that I learn something new each and every day. 

In order to ensure that we enjoy this wonderful break from school to its fullest, we felt that we should let the kids know what our expectations were.  The kids have always felt happier and safer knowing where their boundaries were.  As they mature, more and more of the rules fall by the wayside and it's not so much us 'controlling' them, but us teaching them to make wise choices and control themselves. But in all fairness, we have to disclose our expectations, just in a way that doesn't feel controlling to them.  As long as they live with us, we still have the awesome opportunity to teach them how to be caring, responsible, loving, hard working adults.  Hard to do!  

Chuck came up with the following:

1. Wake up before 9am. We've always been a house of early risers. We like to get to places early.  But as the kids are entering adolescence we now have people that love (and need) to sleep late.  So we had to cap the sleeping in at 9am so we could still have some morning left to enjoy.

2. Do what you have to do before you do what you want to do.   This has always been our rule in regards to chores.  Chores always come first.  If someone comes to see if they can play, we ask if they have done what they have to do first.  If the answer is 'yes', they can play, if not, they know to finish their responsibilities.  This will serve them well in life. (We borrowed this phrase from the movie The Great Debaters).

3.Write down your goals/daily rhythm.  Our people love schedules.  Sometimes it's hard for them to be spontaneous.  But sometimes it's also hard to remember exactly what you want to do each day.  Having them write down their own summer goals and expectations helps them own this.  If Gavin wants to finish his online course this summer, this little written reminder will help him instead of give him the excuse, "oh, I forgot."  And it keeps me from nagging and reminding them.

4. Spend time outside each day. Gavin especially can easily get caught up in his computer work and learning and the whole day can slip by being caught up in what he truly enjoys.  But summer is about being outside, getting plenty of sun and fresh air.  He set his own personal limit on his computer time and we trust him to abide by that.  My people aren't huge tv or movie watchers, so being outside comes easy for us most of the time.

5. Do something for someone else every day.  Learning to be others focused is hard.  May as well start now because it takes a lifetime to learn.  It's easy to see our own needs, it's hard to see someone elses. 

6. Govern yourself.   In other words: we are trusting you to make good choices.  If you choose to have cookies with lunch, don't eat the whole bag, take what you feel is an adequate amount.  We will not always be around to set limits for you.  We know you will fail, but we know you will learn from those failures.  Self-control is another lesson that takes a lifetime to learn.

Let the summer fun begin!

Love is....

Dinner Guests

      Michio Kaku

The other night Chuck and I were talking about who we would invite to dinner if we could invite anyone from any time in history or in the modern era, dead or alive.  It's a pseudo dinner afterall - so we don't have to worry about little details like death or if we can even speak the same language.  Those assumptions just don't exist.  Naturally, we would understand each other, differences in language aside and apparently dead people live and breath and talk again in our pseudo dinner world.  The only other parameter would be that obviously, our whole family would already be at the dinner party, so we wouldn't need to invite each other and Jesus is the most obvious first guest, so he's also a given...he'll just hang around for each party with us.

It was so much fun, I decided to ask the kids who they would want to invite.  I didn't realize the mental anguish this would cause.  True to form, he can't commit to any one thing specifically.  I mean, this list is a permanent, personal representation of who you are at the very core - you MUST make it count. This is official - it's going in the record books.  There's no turning back now. This morning Gavin gives me the following list of invitees:

• Michio Kaku  
• A King from the Middle Ages  
• A Japanese Samurai  
• An Egyptian Pharaoh   

But upon further review during this evening's dinnertime conversation (and being forced to pick actual people with names instead of generic titled people), his list changed to:

• Michio Kaku (a theoretical physicist)
• Bruce Lee
• Vechs (of YouTube fame for his Minecraft tutorials)
• Leonardo DaVinci

Same thing happened with Bennett.  His earlier choices were:

• Ben Franklin
• Michael Jordan
• Dirk Nowitzki 
• Thomas Edison

His reasoning went as followed, "Ben Franklin was just a boss and so was Michael Jordan.  Dirk Nowitzki is Clutch and Thomas Edison, well, I love his quote 'I haven't failed, I've just learned 100 ways not to do something.'" Then something changed his mind during dinnertime and he retracted two people to be replaced with two others:

• Ben Franklin
• Michael Jordan
• MLK jr.
• Bob Goff

This morning, Chloe wanted to invite:

• MLK jr.
• Mother Teresa
• Brynn 
• Cara

The last two names are the 7 & 5 year old neighbor girls who live across the street from us.  She also back-pedaled, uninvited the neighbor girls and MLK (since he's going to be at Bennett's party) and issued an invitation to a couple of other people she feels are more deserving:

• Gabby Douglas
• Mother Teresa
• Barbara Park (of the Junie B. Jones fame)
• Saba - The Ethiopian Princess

Chuck's humble list included:

• Dirk Nowitzki
• Brian Regan (our favorite comedian)
• Mel Blanc (the voice guy for all the Loony Toons characters)
• C.S. Lewis

Everyone recited my list to me, apparently I'm an open book.  But no one got the last name on my list. For years I would have said it was Michael Jordan (and if I could invite 5 people, he'd definitely be on my top 5 list), but alas, I came up with someone more intriguing than even Michael (if you can imagine such a thing).

• MLK jr.
• Gandhi
• Mother Teresa
• Abraham Lincoln

Don't even get me started on authors I'd like to invite.  I don't think I could host a party that big.  How are you supposed to narrow that list down?  And there are many ordinary, every day people that no one knows that I think are awesome people and would like to have a party of just 'regular awesome people' too.  So, as you can see, we are going to be quite busy with all our dinner guests coming up.

10 Years Old - Happy Birthday Blog!!!

Ten years ago Chuck kept encouraging me to start a blog (whatever that was).  I was just fine writing down all my stories and memories in my convenient little spiral notebooks, thank you very much.  I actually found one of my pre-blog notebooks not too long ago and we had a blast reading through it. But then Chuck went and did what he always does, he made me something.  He is just so creative, how can I ever say no to him.  He created my first blog, got me all set up and just pointed me in the right direction and told me to start writing.

I have quite an affinity for paper and pencil.  I had an internal struggle in regards to loyalty and my little notebook.  But then when I saw the ease with which my fingers flew over the keyboard, I was hooked. I could write the same story 10x faster on the computer than I could handwriting it (in my speediest, messiest, sometimes illegible hand).  Time was of the essence for me back then. I have not looked back since.  I thank Chuck all the time for designing my first blog and giving me an outlet to write.  I didn't even know how much I enjoyed writing back then.  I was literally just trying to stay afloat.  This is what we looked like 10 years ago:

Bennett (2), Chloe (2mos.), Me (31), Gavin (5)

Bennett (12), Chloe (10), Me (41), Gavin (15)

Gavin (5), Chuck (31), Chloe (10), Bennett (2)

Gavin (15), Chuck (41), Chloe (10), Bennett (12)

By staying afloat I mean, I was just trying to survive each day with the demands that come with a toddler, newborn and a very active, talkative, inquisitive 5 year old.  The blog became my outlet.  It helped me see all the things happening around me in a humorous light when I would have been tempted to become emotionally overdrawn.  It helped me keep time and circumstances in perspective. It helped me still be me when it was easy to get swallowed up being 'mommy' 24 hours a day.  

We could have never imagined the direction our lives would take 10 years later to lead us to where we are today.  3 states later; 5 houses later; 6 jobs later, too many road trips to count later....what a beautiful, incredible, awesome, amazing journey I've gotten to take with my absolute favorite people!

Chopped - Revised

Nana recently came to hang out with the kids while Chuck and I were in Heaven.  They all said their time was filled with games and laughter...and lots of food.  Sounds just like Nana.  Nana loves to cook! So it makes sense that on her last night with us, we play Chopped.  I don't know if it's actually a real game, but we sure like to make it one.  We didn't video it this go around.  Pictures will have to suffice. And we revised our original rules.  The whole fun part of the 'game' is the opportunity to cook each round.  So in order to find the winner, we each gave a numerical vote to each dish, the higher the number, the higher the score.  The high score wins.  So, technically, no one got chopped until the end - but for our family, it was much more fun, filling and exciting this way.  Oh ya, and it was our dinner, so we each took a bite out of each plate made.  We were eating dinner for almost 2 hours that night. Another one for the memory books.

Chuck presenting the contestants with the 'basket' ingredients.

Bennett's dessert.  Still don't know what the brown side consisted of.

Chloe's dessert creation.

Nana's scrumptious dessert bite.

Gavin's creative and delicious dessert.

The Winner!

Working Through It

I've noticed a trend....I work through most things in my life by writing/blogging.  It helps me make sense of it all. It helps me empty my brain of all my thoughts, order said thoughts and then see how my brain and heart are processing whatever issue I'm working through.  Flannery O'Connor says it best, "I write because I don't know what I think until I read what I say."  Amen.

Today was a very sad day for me.  I need to process everything that's happened over the past three months and have a place where I can go back and read and remember what it is I learned from this special person at this time in my life.

For the last three months I've volunteered once a week at a homeless shelter downtown.  My original plan was to read to the children there.  The position I wanted was called "Roving Reader", right up my alley.  But upon my orientation I learned that there are no school age children around during the time that I was available to volunteer.  The coordinator kept hinting that "Donations" really needed help, so I figured, why not, all I want to do is help, so I may as well help where they have the most need.  I was placed under Varney, the only one in charge of the massive amounts of donations that needed to be processed on a daily basis.

He was actually surprised to have his very own volunteer.  Not just any volunteer, but one who stayed. He was used to having college kids show up one week and never return.  I came every week - excited to work for him.  I LOVED my "Wednesdays with Varney".  He grew to trust me. I grew to respect him.  We traded stories.  Here is his:

Varney grew up in Liberia and immigrated to the U.S. twenty years ago.  (I knew nothing about the history of his homeland until after I read a book about the horrible coup and consequential wars his country and people have lived through since the 1980's).  He landed in Brooklyn, NY.  He eventually settled in Minneapolis.  He worked at this shelter for 5 years.  He is one of the kindest, patient men I've ever met.  He spoke Liberian English which took a little bit for me to get used to, but once I did, I enjoyed the lilt to his accent.  He was very patient with my constant, "excuse me's?".

I marvelled to him one day about how he could remain so kind to everyone around him even after I had witnessed blatant discrimination against him.  He told me, "Cori, I just smile and pray in my head, 'Father forgive them, they don't know what they are doing.' "  He was always smiling, always ready to help anyone. He would bend over backward for anyone.  He never wanted or expected recognition. He was very wise, but no one asked him opinion.  He was very humble and peaceful.

He genuinely cared about the residents at the shelter.  He was always coming up with a way to give them more and more of the donations received that weren't being used.  He genuinely cared about every detail and was so proud of his organizational system (for a shelter this large, it was truly a feat of genius).  He was tickled that I was so impressed.  Every can in the food pantry was faced forward and in orderly rows. Every item had a home and that made him happy and in turn made the shelter run smoother.

One of the very first things he had me do was to take a load of shoes and bags down to the main atrium and let all the residents know that they were free for the taking.  He said he wanted me to 'get to know the residents - to get comfortable with them.'  How smart is that - putting a face to the people you are helping, it suddenly becomes more personal.

Every week he would ask me how my children were doing.  He couldn't wait for summer to start so I could bring them with me each week to help.  My kids were even looking forward to working with him.  They had already worked with me over Spring Break and felt the same way about Varney that I did.

I learned much from this gentle soul in the three short months I knew him.  I hadn't seen him for 3 weeks due to my being on vacation and then him taking a vacation week after mine.  I was so looking forward to seeing him again today.  However, when I got to the site today everyone was tight-lipped about my friend.  No one would share anything with me, just that 'he was no longer here'.

I told them that he was the only reason I came week after week.  I personally don't feel the shelter is doing as good a job as they think they are but came only for the chance to work with this incredible man, learn from him and talk to him.  I was devastated.

I mourn for the loss of the friend I have no way of contacting.  I mourn for the 'mysterious circumstances' of his abrupt departure.  He would never have left me hanging like this.  I wrestled all night with distraught thoughts regarding him and woke up many times praying fervently for him, for what reason I didn't know.  I shouldn't have been surprised by today's events given last night's torment. I have no way to thank the man that made such a huge impact in my life.

When I was in San Diego, walking down MLK Boulevard I enjoyed reading many of his famous quotes carved in granite lining the street.  When I read this one the only person that came to mind was Varney.

Mistakes