I Listen To You Now

 

 

Those were Chloe's exact words: "I listen to you now." And this is how I feel. :)

 

I don't know what prompted this decision other than the fact that Chloe made a choice and felt the need to inform us. It came out accidentally at first in response to a question, something like, "....well, I wouldn't do that cuz I listen to you now." 

 

Oh Really?! Do you now? Hmmmm.....do tell...

 

And that is just the way life is with Chloe. She was blessed with....shall we call it...stubbornness I mean, persistence (the positive spin). When she sets her mind to something, she does it. The other side of the coin is, you can't talk that girl into nothing! There is zero manipulation, cajoling, suggesting, or any other such nonsense. She knows what she wants - or doesn't want - end of story. It has been this way with her since she was a wee baby. I have spent the past 16 years learning how to be the parent she needs and how to trust this deepest of instincts she has.

 

Come to find out. All I had to do was wait long enough and she would decide to listen to me on her own time. I asked her what prompted this decision after 16 years and she said, "You're normally right. So I decided to listen. And I've been doing it now for 3 weeks and things have been going good for me."

So, there you have it. It appears listening is good after all and there are actual positive benefits to the practice. It's actually rather comical because from the very beginning of our parenthood, "listening" was one of the words we put great importance on.

 

 

Here's a picture of our very first protege showing us "listening." We decided it would be easier to communicate with this little human by using very rudimentary sign language. Gavin latched on to that like a bee to honey. Little did we know his penchant for learning that would come to define his life. This is a photo taken when he was 15 months old for a photo shoot of all the sign language he knew. We'd say the word behind the camera, Gavin would demonstrate, and the photographer would capture it. Gavin didn't speak a word of English at the time, just sign language. As parents, it was incredible! He could express himself to us and show us he understood what we were saying. This was a big deal for two novice parents as ourselves.

Then came Bennett, this is the only sign language we got out of him:

 

 

 

We lovingly referred to it as "the look." He definitely didn't do "listen." Out of desperation we got him to do "more" and "please" which weren't true to form, but we knew what he meant - some lazy, generic slapping his hand against his belly. And then came Chloe.

How can you deny that precious baby face anything?! She had us wrapped around that chubby little finger of hers from day one. Guess what her first word was...."no." I'm not joking. Her first sentence was, "Bee lellow tuck" (translation: big yellow truck.) This girl was in charge of her own self, thank you very much. She held her own with her brothers. She might have been the youngest, but that never stopped her from keeping up with them. If they were superheroes, she as a superhero. If they rode bikes, she rode a bike. If they were reading, she was reading. But the ONE thing she didn't do was any of that sign language tom foolery. No sir! She would have none of it. We couldn't bribe her with anything. All effort on our part yielded exactly zero results in the Teach Chloe Sign Language program. So we did what every parent would do...we quit trying. She won. Like I said, I've been learning how to parent Chloe for 16 years. And turns out all I had to do was....wait. I should have known. I should have seen this pattern from the beginning. 

 

And this is why I'll never be asked to write a parenting book. The secret is out...I have no clue what I'm doing. I'm learning as I go. I'm re-writing the parenting manual with each kid. I push when I should wait. I wait when I shouldn't. I learn after-the-fact. And I have no answers. But oh how I love these people of mine. They've taught me everything in the world that is important. I don't want all the answers, I just want them. We're learning and growing together. That's the beauty of life!

 

 

A Weekend With Bennett

So this is the ONLY photo I received from Chloe from her Weekend With Bennett down at UCCS this past weekend. This is what I get when I ask her to take "fun" photos to document their time together. Obviously, I was not clear enough in my directive. She went all out here. At least she lowered her sunglasses to her chin. 

Despite the lack of pictures proving otherwise, Chloe said her first solo trip down to The Springs to visit her brother was fun (she didn't elaborate much beyond that one descriptive word). They ate...a lot...at the cafeteria. Bennett lives for each meal time where they offer an "eat as much as you want" option. So that pretty much keeps him happy. Between meals (Chloe said she's never eaten so much), he took her to The Garden of The Gods to hike (without hiking shoes - and probably coats, mind you.) It was very windy, cold, with lots of slushy snow still on the ground, so they couldn't get too far. 

Bennett also took her on a tour around campus. They had a snack in between their all-you-can-eat dining experience at the Shake Shack. They hung out in his dorm. That's been the one great things about the pandemic. Bennett gets a whole room to himself whereas he normally would have had to share the tiny space with another person. So, he had an extra bed for Chloe to sleep in (at her own risk). 

This was the first time Chloe has driven a long distance on the highway by her self. 25 is a very scary, dangerous freeway. But this girl LOVES to drive. And she loves to drive fast. She often declares, "I think I'll just go for a drive" like it's fun to do - because for her it is and it somehow relaxes her. So the drive didn't stress her out nearly as much as it did us. But we had complete confidence in her. However, we were very relieved when she texted us upon arrival. 

 

However, for the life of me, it's hard not to see these two at this age every time I look at my grown kids. At 6 and 4, they were riding safely in a bus with a professional driver. At this time of life, I couldn't have imagined a time of life without my precious children always surrounding me and needing every second of my time and joyfully giving it to them. The future seemed 100 years away. Come to find out it was actually only 13 years away. I'm so thankful they are friends. That they want to spend time together. That they enjoy each other's company.

Happy Boy

 

This is what you do when you really, really, want to ride your new mountain bike but it's 30 degrees, snowy, icy, and gray out with 30 mile an hour winds. You just wear your helmet inside. 

Actually, Chuck just got his helmet in the mail on this fine day. This was actually the third helmet he ordered. He tried it on to make sure that this one was THE one. He ended up wearing it all day because...you can do that when you work from home.

I'm so happy that Chuck found the thing that fills his soul - mountain biking - not working with his bike helmet on.

Coat Wars

 

 

 

This is what happens when I ask Chloe to wear a coat.

 

 

Every. Single. Time.

 

 

But today, I won. Because it's -2 degrees out and feels like -15. There is a line for me and Chloe just crossed it. I am willing to die on this hill. If she is mad at me the rest of the day, fine - I can deal with it. Apparently, it's unreasonable for a parent to ask a teenager to wear a coat. And it is worthy of the biggest of melt-downs, temper-tantrums, and all around disgust on the part of the required coat wearer.

 

I get that teens hate to look "poofy" and that jackets do exactly that. I'm willing to negotiate when the weather is a balmy 20 or 30 degrees. But I would be neglecting my parental duties if I allowed my daughter with .01% body fat to keep her warm, to head out into the polar vortex without protection. Even at the cost of her possibly looking "poofy." I HAD to play the parent card. And as you can tell, I won! She simply can't understand why she would possibly need a jacket to run from her car to the gym in -2 degree weather. Ahhh, the invincibility of youth. 

And so that Chloe doesn't feel singled out. This same scenario played itself out too many times to mention with both Gavin and Bennett when they were teenagers while living in both Minnesota and Colorado. Somehow, coats and jackets are seen as a badge of shame, weakness, the extreme of uncool. How could parents not see this?! At the most important time of your life when you can NEVER not look cool - parents are out there forcing their will on kids because they don't want to see them die of hypothermia on the way to school. Can you believe how unsympathetic parents are sometimes?

And if you don't have teenagers yet and can't possibly imagine yourself in this scenario, just wait. At one time, many moons ago, when my flock were all under the age of 10, they all wore coats outside when it was cold. And that was when we lived in Texas and thought cold meant 50 degrees. How innocently naive we were. They were happy to oblige their dictatorial mother and don the poofiest jacket in the closet as long as they could roam and play outside in the "frigid" weather. In my wildest dreams I couldn't have imagined they would turn on me with such animosity and choose to die on this hill of jacket wearing. This came as much of a shock to me as to anyone. 

 

However, if this is the depth of teenage rebellion we have to deal with, so be it. The teenage years are supposed to be a clash of wills. Your adolescent just wants to prove to you that they can do everything without your help or input. That's normal. I'm okay with that. I've learned to not impose my will on my teens (most of the time). We talk things through (negotiate), ask questions (get them to think through the consequences), and share stories of past experiences. The wise parents before us advised us to choose our battles. I choose the Wear A Jacket In Zero Degrees Or Below Battle. And I will every time. 

Tea Snobs

 

 

 

This is my actual cupboard.

And these are all the teas laid out neatly in all their glory for all to behold.

 

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say: we have a tea problem. Nobody in their right mind - unless they own a tea shop - needs that many tea offerings. We have green tea, black tea, herbal tea, loose-leaf tea, Indian tea, Canadian tea, Boulder tea, and British tea. 

I think our family is single-handedly responsible for keeping the tea industry afloat in the U.S. Your welcome. Because of our vast purchasing power, we have lowered the cost for the general public. You know it's bad when America doesn't have enough tea options and you have to start ordering your tea online from Canada. 

 

Our trip to Victoria, British Columbia last year is responsible for this new trend. We happened upon a tea shop during our day trip to this most quaint of Canadian towns, and accidentally found ourselves in the oldest tea establishment in the province. It was love at first sip. Both of us were hooked. Now we are forced to order our over-priced tea online once a month. I guess it's a slightly cheaper habit than say, being wine connoisseurs.

 

Please know, whenever you come visit us, you might want to spend some quality time previewing the photos on this blog first so you won't be overwhelmed when we offer you a friendly, warm cuppa tea.

Every Morning

 

 

This is the view from my back patio. I usually wake up with the sun. My bedroom window faces east, so I can see the early morning rays peaking through my blinds. As soon as I catch a glimmer of pink through my barely open eyes, I literally jump out of bed. I actually run to the back door, phone in hand, and stand in awe of each new dawning day. I get the biggest, goofiest grin on my face, and clap with excitement. I am SOOOO happy to see the sunrise each and every morning. I take a picture almost every day. How can I not when this is what I see?! It fills my heart to bursting! This is my sacred moment. This is my contemplative time. This is when I feel the closest to God. I always think: I can't believe I was lucky enough to catch a glimpse of this gift. 

#NewBikeDay

 

Chuck has been waiting for this day for a very long time! Ever since that fateful day in 2014 when his beloved bike was stolen. He has done research. He's watched countless bike videos on YouTube. He even has a detailed spreadsheet of all the features he wants listed by bike manufacturer and price point. The only thing he was undecided about was the timing. He thought he'd buy the bike closer to the end of Spring when the weather was nicer for riding. 

But we now live in a town known for biking. There are trails EVERYWHERE. And a quick google search lists at least 30 bike shops. People are crazy for cycling here. What better place to start his search. He would often go out at lunch and look at bike shops, talk to sales reps, and gather more intel for his Bike Buying Spreadsheet (Do people even have spreadsheets any more? Is that even a thing?). During the course of one such scavenger hunt, he came across some very disturbing news. The bike supply is reaching a dangerous level of scarcity. The pandemic created a drastic rise in demand for bikes since it was considered a safe social distance activity to do outside. He was told that if he ordered a bike today, because of such low supply, any new bike wouldn't be available until the beginning of next year! What?!? Not acceptable! This was not fitting in the time frame calculations on his Bike Buying Spreadsheet. 

Suddenly he was afraid that there might not be any bikes left to purchase come springtime. So, we did what we always do. We talked about it and realized we'd have to just be flexible. That course of action has always seemed to work best for us. We make plans, but stay flexible. In this instance it meant moving the "buy date" up a few months so he could get the bike he really had his eye on. 

So this past Friday, we went to one of the 30 bike shops around town and ordered the bike his heart desired. Luckily, they had one in stock in his size (yes, bikes come in sizes....I had no idea) it was just still in the box. The sales rep offered to get it to show us the color since that was the only thing he couldn't really see very well from the online pictures. Come to find out, it was even more perfect that he could have imagined. What guy doesn't want a Matte Nautical Navy Trek bike?! 

I present to you, the happy researcher with his newly purchased wheels. Actually, this was yesterday, the day we got to pick up the bike. It took the service team a full day to assemble and align the bike. While we were at the store I asked Chuck if maybe we should put the bike he was looking for me on hold since there was a shortage problem. Yes, this was a two person event! We like to have fun together and what better way than to ride around our beautiful town on gorgeous days getting tons of fresh air and exercise. We vacillated between two different bike styles and sizes for me. But ultimately it came down to the color. 

Because I love pink! And we found a pink one in my size only an hour away. So we headed up to Evergreen in the mountains to pick up my bike on the same day we got Chuck's. It was #NewBikeDay for both of us. What a fun turn of events! This is the guy at the bike store who calibrated my bike and made sure it was a good fit for me.

 

 

To our wonder and excitement, we happened to spot this quaint little sign in the same parking lot as the bike store. It piqued our Mexican Food Interest. It was the best spur of the moment eating experience we have ever had!

 

 

This is the real deal. These were the best tacos I've had in YEARS. And all on #NewBikeDay. This was shaping up to be the #BestDayEver!

 

 

This restaurant spoke our love language - homemade chips and salsa. Plus, we've hardly gone out to eat during the pandemic. It just seemed fortuitous. The spreadsheet can now be filed away. The bikes safely parked in the garage. And we can dream of delicious Mexican food in the mountains while picking up our mountain bikes. The perfect ending to the perfect day!

Licking Rocks

 

 

 

This dog though. She's been with us for 10 years now. She has us wrapped around her little pinky. I mean...just look at that face. For whatever reason, she has chosen me as her "alpha." Apparently, that means her world revolves around me. Chuck says when I'm not home she just mopes around. She doesn't care about eating, drinking, going outside. Nothing matters until mom gets home. But the minute I walk through the door, she decides to show me how much she loves me by letting me do things for her. Suddenly she's famished. She needs water NOW. She needs to go out NOW. She's highly jealous of Chloe - they vie for my attention equally. It's as if she's saying, Mom, look, these other people in this house don't care about me. Only you do, mom. Only you can meet every one of my needs as soon as I have them. And I need everything from you the minute you get home. I've been waiting all day." It's called bullying. Yes. My dog has learned to bully me. She comes and snaps at me to get me to do things. She needs me when I'm in the middle of cooking, or helping Chloe, or bringing in the groceries. It's urgent. It must happen immediately - whatever it is.

 

Take her water bowl for example. She might not have drunk an ounce all day. But the minute I get back from work, she's famished. Her throat is parched. She purposely waits to do this in my presence. And the way she tells me this is by going over to her bowl and licking the rocks. We can hear them clinking together. Supposedly those rocks were to help the pH level of her pee. It was to prevent those ugly yellow stains in the lawn. I don't think they worked, but we kept the rocks none the less. So this smart old lady knowingly goes to her bowl, licks rocks, and looks at me forlornly as if to say: you're okay with this? I kid you not - this happens within the first two minutes of me walking in the door every day. She's a conniving, manipulative, sly old dog who has learned new tricks. Her name fits her aptly. 

Moral of the story....if you're thirsty, just lick rocks. Someone who loves you will notice and take care of you. At least that's Ninja's understanding.

The Perfect Way To Start The New Year

 

I apologize for the lag in my blogging. It's not for lack of stories, I assure you. Rather, my laptop decided to die 2 days before Christmas. It literally died, We just all the home remedies...hold down the shift key + space bar + power button....etc, etc. Nothing. Nada. I had to come to terms with the fact that I could not breathe life back into it. It was gone. And all my data along with it. 

The reason the last sentence is sad is because I have been earnestly interviewing for Season 2 of the Gramercy podcast. I had some incredible conversations with 8 guests that were still sitting on my dead hard drive waiting to be edited and produced. That was the most sickening part, not knowing whether we would be able to retrieve all those interviews. 

I brought it to the computer store and was told it would take up to 2 weeks for them to look at it. Good thing it was Christmas season because I had no plans to work on the podcast while all the kids were home anyway. So it wasn't that huge of a loss. But when I got the call that, "we can't fix this...we need to send it to Apple, " then I knew to be scared. 

To my surprise, a few short days after I was told they sent it out, I got it back. And the good news - they recovered EVERYTHING! My motherboard was fried, my battery was expanding, and something else about the keyboard and trackpad. But my data, all my saved websites, passwords, and everything was in tack. I was beyond thrilled.

Now I'm back to blogging, editing and producing my podcast, and general computering. All is right in the world again. 

So my stories might not be in chronological order for a few days, but at least they'll be back. Which reminds me of my favorite "Hamilton" song which I'll leave you with for your viewing pleasure because it makes me happy.

Don't Be Olimar

 

Apparently, there are rules for meeting your kid's college friends. This, I did not know. Bennett was expecting his friends to come up for a visit. Right before they got here he laid out the rules for me, like he was afraid I was going to burst into song and dance or something.

"Mom, when my friends get here, you can't talk in your whiny voice or be Olimar. Okay?"

First of all, who the heck is Oldimar? And how have I ever been like him? And just for the record, I don't have a whiny voice.

"Mom! Not Oldimar -  OL-I-MAR -  you know, the character in MarioKart that you like play. Just don't be all like, 'I'm going to go potty now' or act like him."

Again, that doesn't really help. But now that you've given me some context, I remember that character from that ridiculous video game that I hate. Apparently, this Olimar has a character flaw I am unaware of. As for the whining...I only do that in jest. I was just copying Chloe when she was younger and whined incessantly. Sometimes it's cathartic to mimic your kids for them to see the ridiculousness of their actions. And maybe on ocassion, when I'm a wee bit tired, maybe I whine just a tad. But he had nothing to fear because his friends weren't stopping by anywhere close to bed time. So I was safe on that count. I was also not supposed to try to "act cool." 

I have to say, I think I passed with flying colors. I greeted them like a normal person, without hugging, touching, or smiling excessively or nervously. I didn't jump up and down. I remembered their names. I didn't act like a video game character, and I didn't whine about one thing. I mean, I wasn't nonchalant because I'm a mom and mom's don't do super-cool, non-chalant things like grunt and nod in passing as new humans enter their dwelling. But on the flip side, I wasn't all exciteable and overly flowery or shoving food in their faces either. So I count this as a win. 

Bennett might have a different version of this story.  

 

*Addendum*

Come to find out, the graphic I used isn't even Olimar!! You can imagine my utter confusion when Chuck read my blog and said, "Well that's funny, but that gif is not Olimar. And he is a character in Smash Bros, not MarioKart." 

Then what is even real in this world? Why have I always thought that this was who Bennett was talking about when he referenced Olimar? Who am I even? What is the meaning of life?  

I'm going to stick my head in the sand and carry on as is because apparently I don't even know anything any more and things are not as they seem. I'm just going to go back to my little fantasy world right now. Try not to ever ask me anything about any nintendo games. I know nothing.

On Being A Social Asset

 

I dared to ask Chloe what her plans were for tonight. I said these words exactly, "Do you have plans for tonight?" She was like, "I don't know what my plans are." Nowadays kids don't "make plans," social occurrences just happen. 

Did you know they don't use their phones to actually talk - on the phone - to each other? They "snap" one another. This type of "communication" (and I use this term in its broadest definition) is even quicker than texting and, apparently, talking. Plus, all evidence of the "communication" that just transpired instantly vanishes. I have no idea how this is a helpful feature. 

Anyways...back to the story. Chuck interjected, "She doesn't know now what tonight will look like." To which Chloe responds, "I'm sorry I'm a social asset" (in the snarkiest voice you can muster). If you gave me 10 years, I never would have come up with that term. But the funny thing is, it's true! I need more social assets in my life. I've never been a social asset to anybody. What must that feel like? 

Moral of the story...we still don't know Chloe's plans for tonight. We probably won't until 5 minutes before they happen. Which means, we have no idea what to cook for dinner tonight because, truth be told, that's the only reason we wanted to know. We've discovered that when it's just Chuck and me at home, we don't really feel like making real meals, we'll just find leftovers or eat breakfast for dinner. But if any of the kids are home, we plan a meal. Thus, my dilemma continues...what to cook for dinner?

Chloe's Secret Game

The other night at dinner Chloe was all exasperated and giving loud huffy breaths. I looked at her and asked what was wrong. And this is exactly what she said, "Mom, why don't you ever look at me when you're eating?!" I look at her quizzically, with my head tilted to the side, much like a dog trying to understand something. And then comes the confession: "I play this game at the dinner table where I look at you and wait to see how long it takes for you to look back at me. And sometimes you never look at me!" (said in a progressively whiny, high, desperate voice). 

I don't know whether to be honored or creeped out that she's stalking me at dinner. Why would you just stare at someone longingly at the dinner table? Is this some secret code I'm supposed to know? Why me, why not Chuck? What am I supposed to do? Stare back? Smile? Flutter my eyelashes? Blow kisses? How many years has she been playing this game? Granted, we still hold hands at the dinner table most nights. But I am just now learning that she has the expectation that I look at her and acknowledge her multiple times throughout the meal.

This reveals several things to me:

     1) I must be horrible at looking at people while I'm eating; I concentrate entirely way         too much on my food and getting it into my mouth. 

     2) Chloe needs constant attention and affirmation, even while eating.

     3) Chloe basks in the warm glow of my eyes upon her face and feels enveloped in              love and I'm just now learning about this at the age of 16. 

     4) She's been playing this "game" for how many years and I'm just now learning              about it? 

     5) Chloe equates my love for her by how many times I gaze lovingly into her eyes              at the dinner table and I'm clueless to this fact - thus, why I've never won the             "mother of the year" award.

This just goes to show, when you think you understand parenting, everything changes. This was news to me...and I feel quite in touch with Chloe. We're always growing and learning as people and as parents. 

And don't worry, I'm on the ball now. I bestow multiple glances at my sweet girl throughout dinner time, at the ready with a warm, loving smile that says: I see you, I love you, you're important. And then I focus on my food once more (since that's why we're at the dinner table.)