Rubber Bands, Whining & Salvation

What in the world can those three things ever have in common?  Well, I'm about to tell you a little story that will tie them all together perfectly.

It seems like we've been 'teaching' Chloe that whining and complaining is not an optimal behavior for a long, long time.  This lesson doesn't want to seem to sink in.  Sometimes I despair of her ever learning it.  It's that bad.  We've tried everything to stop it.  Some things appear to work for a bit, but then the whining returns.

Whining and complaining and pouting are just a form of manipulation and control.   It's an understandable  and common trait found amongst the babies of the family.  Even so, in our opinion, it doesn't justify the behavior.  We need to teach her a better way to communicate her frustration.    It would be an injustice to her to allow her to continue on in life thinking this was an okay way to deal with people and situations.

Then it hit me...by constantly focusing on the 'bad' behavior, we're not reaching her heart.  The problem lies in her heart condition.  It is a choice she makes that comes from an ungrateful heart.  But how can we teach her to have a thankful heart?  The answer is easy...by example.

We constantly focus on what we are thankful for in our house - especially when things aren't going our way.  It's super important that Chuck and I model this attitude of thankfulness so that the kids grow up seeing this as 'normal' and hopefully it will be their default attitude without much thought or effort.

The latest scheme we came up with to try to get the whining to stop was to place a rubber band on Chloe's wrist every time we heard her whine or complain or pout when she didn't like our response to a situation or didn't get her way.  She would have to wear them all day, every day, everywhere.  It would be a constant visual reminder.  The hope was that she wouldn't want to always see it and would stop and think before speaking.  The first few weeks it worked great.  She would start each week anew and see how little she complained by how few rubber bands were on her wrist.  But then she stopped caring.  Uh-oh...now what?

As we were cuddling in bed the other morning, God showed me exactly what to do.  I asked her if she could please put all her rubber bands on my wrist.  "Why?" she asked.  "Because I want to teach you about grace and about what Jesus did for you."

She placed them all on my wrist hesitantly (she had accumulated about 8 or 9 already).  I told her, "Honey, these represent your sin.  This is what Jesus did for you.  He took your sin and made it his own.  Then he took your punishment you deserved for that sin.  He did this for you because he loves you so much. By taking your rubber bands, I'm taking your sin.  When you see your sin on me, I want it to make you thankful that someone loves you so much they are willing to take your punishment.  I want it to make you think really hard before you speak.  Because if you sin again, I have to bear the punishment.  I know you love me and I know it would make you super sad to see me have to hurt because of your sin.  Think of mommy before you act.  Just like, when we accept Jesus' gift, we think of Him before we act and our actions constantly show him how thankful we are for gift he gave us that we didn't deserve."

She was sad.  She didn't want me to wear her rubber bands.  But I wanted to.  I wanted her to see Jesus and his grace every time she saw those on my arm.  I wanted her to have a visual of how he takes our sin away, even and especially, when we don't deserve it.  She reached over and gave me a huge hug and thanked me over and over.  She told me how much she loved me.

Jesus knew exactly what she needed.  He reached down and touched her heart.  He put a picture in her mind that she will never forget.  He's showing her who He is and how He can change her life.  I just love how He works.  So gentle, so kind, so perfect for each individual need.  It is my prayer that one day Chloe will open her heart up to Him completely.  Not to make me happy, not because she's been cajoled, not because everyone around her is, but because she couldn't imagine living her life without Him and she can trust Him completely for everything.

I bet on that day, there will be no more whining or pouting.  And we can finally throw those rubber bands away.

Type A

I just need to clear up a little something here...I AM NOT a Type A personality.  Whew... that feels better.  If I were, I would enjoy these following activities:

1. making lists
2. keeping an immaculately clean desk
3. being a rule follower to a T
4. being highly detail oriented
5. being very opinionated & a wee bit stubborn

I might also look like one of these two people:

These are my favortite Type A personalities.  Neither one of them can start their day without a list.  On any given Saturday, Chuck has his list of what we're going to do that day so that he can check things off as they get done.  Chloe likes to write a list of all the different fun activities we can do on her days off or things to do with friends.  I find lists all around the house.  And when and if I ever make a list - like for the grocery store, I forget it on the counter and inevitably leave it at home and not with me where I need it.

Chuck hates my desk at home.  I see him twitch just having to sit down and check emails.  There are loose papers everywhere.  Random notes, pens, sticky notes, business cards, receipts.  I like to call it an organized mess - I know where everything is and what it means, I just don't have a place for it all. If I put it out of sight, I'll forget where I put it and why it was important. If I leave it on my desk in plain sight, I won't have to worry about that now, will I?

Chloe HAS to follow the rules.  We have to start anything over again if we didn't start it out the 'right way' the first time.  She is a stickler for this.  This makes her feel safe.  I, on the other hand, like to do things my own way, which I always think is better.  I never follow a recipe, I make up my own.  I don't like following step-by-step instructions, I like using my brain and doing what makes sense.  I do however, like to follow the speed-limit rule.  Okay, so maybe I go 5 over, but that's it.

People seem to confuse detail oriented with efficient.  At least that has been my experience.  I am HIGHLY efficient and that often means being thorough with the details.  But that's a very selective process for me.  I don't mind the detail of some things, but most things I would rather not worry about the details.  I prefer the big picture and can easily see all the steps it takes to get to the big picture.  Chuck, however, likes to break down those 'steps' into smaller, minute steps and make a list about the steps.  I don't have time for a list.  The list is in my head and what I can't remember, isn't important or we didn't need it.

Okay, so maybe I'm a little opinionated but only with those who know me really, really well.  The same holds true for Chuck.  Chloe wins the award for stubborn.  NO ONE will dissuade her from the path she is on.  Good or bad.  I pray God uses this wonderful quality for good in her life.

Truth be told, I think we all have a little of both Types in us.  Chuck is far from your Typical Type A, but he exhibits alot of it's strengths combined with his easy-going, laid back personality, I'd say he has a win/win situation.  Chloe definitely doesn't have the 'neat & tidy' part of a Type A - she's the messiest kid I have.  But I love how they both show tendencies towards the list making - that's what started this whole thing.  And certainly wasn't me who taught her how to make a list - that's for sure!

Anger Management

As we were eating lunch the other day, Bennett looks admiringly at Chuck and me and says, "It's hard to get mad at you guys cuz you're both so nice."

Really?!  So many thoughts are running through my head.  I find this topic of conversation fascinating.  But I'm horrible when it comes to giving an astute, timely and/or funny comeback.  The only thing I could think to say in response was, "Does that mean you're mad at us right now or were mad at us earlier?"

Gavin, ever the logical one, heads Bennett off at the pass and explains, "Bennett, what I think you mean to say is, it's hard to stay mad at mom and dad cuz they're both so nice.  It's easy to get mad at them.  But it's hard to stay mad at them."  To which Bennett was nodding enthusiastically as if to say that's right brother you speak the truth. 

Of course Chuck pipes in with, "It's because of all my awesome jokes that you can't help but laugh and then you can't stay mad at me cuz I'm so funny.  But don't worry, I don't have a problem staying mad at you."  Tongue in cheek here - obviously.

You just really never know what's going to come out of these kids' mouths next.  One thing I do know is that I will be showing them this post each and every time they are mad at me and remind them that they just can't stay mad at me because I'm too nice and then I'll bat my eyelashes and smile real pretty.  The perfect anger management tool.

Hello Fall

Now that we live in a state that has 4 seasons, we are enjoying the newness of watching trees change color, the leaves fall like rain gently from the trees, the sound of loud, crunchy leaves under our feet and the invigorating smell associated with fall. The best part is, Minnesota decided to initiate us into fall so thoughtfully. Instead of the weather being in the typical 50's for the past two and a half weeks, we have had Texas weather since fall began. They refer to it here as Summer Part II around here. But to me, this is what I'm used to for fall. It has been in the 80's and sunny. I couldn't be happier. Now I get the best of both worlds....my love of the heat and sun from Texas and my love of the beauty and smells of fall color.

My Obsession

I just can't help it. I'm in awe of sunsets. If I am anywhere within view of these majestic settings, I have to stop whatever I'm doing and stand in awe. I've even pulled the car over on the side of the road to catch a few of these photos. I'm amazed that God would deliver a new piece of art each and every morning and evening that makes my heart full to overflowing with thankfulness.

This was one where I pulled over in order to admire the beauty.

This was taken at Chloe's horse lessons.

This was taken at a local lake where we went to play frisbee.

Frisbee was fun, but this was better.

The perfect way to end a day.

Focused on God and not myself.

Morning Brain

I eat instant oatmeal for breakfast EVERY morning. Yes. I know. It's boring and predictable. But that's me. Apparently I like routine. Anyways....the other day, I get up and get my breakfast like always. I go to the cupboard, pull out the instant oatmeal packet and walk over to the sink where I prepare it. I empty the oatmeal packet into what I thought was the exact same bowl I always use. I turn on the hot water to pour into my bowl. I didn't notice until I went to pour the hot water in that I had a PLATE of oatmeal in my hand, not a bowl. Why didn't I notice this sooner? This question has plagued me for days now. Granted the small plates and small bowls sit right next to one another on the same shelf. But seriously, why didn't I notice once I emptied the contents of my breakfast onto a PLATE that something was awry? Apparently I'm having some synapse connectivity issues. I'll keep you updated.

Grace

This past weekend we went somewhere where we knew the kids would probably want to buy things (trinkets). So we told them to be sure and bring their own money with them on the trip. This admonition was repeated several times. Despite our generous reminders, Chloe still "forgot" to bring her money. This goes back to some listening issues we are growing through right now.

You can imagine her breakdown upon realizing she didn't have her money with her when we got to the exciting location. Chuck and I held steadfast in our determination not to cave in and 'loan' her some money. The lesson was much more important for her. She needed to feel the consequences of not listening. It was going to be a one time lesson that she would not soon forget.

But we didn't count on Bennett suddenly feeling compassionate. Once we got to our location, Bennett pulled me aside and said, "Mom, I brought two $5 bills. I can give one to Chloe."

I was taken back. I replied, "Honey, that is very gracious of you. You know you don't have to do this. Mommy and Daddy can't give her money because then we would not be helping her learn this more important lesson. But if you feel God is prompting you to do this, you may."

"Ya Mom. I know Chloe doesn't deserve it. But I kinda feel bad for her. I kinda feel like God wants me to do this."

"Honey, that is exactly what grace is...giving someone something they don't deserve. Thank you for listening to God and doing something very loving. She's going to remember this for a very long time."

When we got home, Chloe wrote Bennett this thank you note:

Gooseberry Falls

Nature...can you ever really get enough of it? We certainly can't!

These falls are so fun! You can climb all over them. The rocks go on forever. The kids were in heaven. There were a few slips into the cold, cold water by an unnamed middle child who from then on told us constantly that his feet were wet. His swamp foot was later confirmed by all of us in the car as he later took off his shoes for the ride home.

Word of the Day

EVERYDAY, without fail, Gavin asks me this question, "So Mom, what word do you have stuck in your head today?"

Some of my better answers are, "Well...seeing as I just woke up, I haven't even thought of words yet." And, "My mind is blank right now, Honey."

Ask me if I have a song stuck in my head and I can type up a list for you. But I don't go around with individual, random words floating through my brain. Gavin does. He only asks the question to be polite. What he really wants to do is tell me the word he has stuck in his head...because he ALWAYS has one. I can't even remember what this morning's word was. He'll come home from school and have yet another word to share with me that has been plaguing his over-worked brain again all day.

I guess if I was immersed in words as often as he is (non-stop), I'd probably get a few bouncing around in my brain all day too. But my advice is, if he ever asks you this, just say the first word that pops into your head. It works everytime.

No TV

Our tv died 2 weeks ago. Very sad, I know. But amazingly, we've survived. Some of us better than others. The kids have done awesome. Not one complaint. Me on the other hand...I'm having a hard time. Who would have thought? My one tv vice - House Hunters. Everyday. I have not lived vicariously through anyone else and traveled to far countries or even within my own looking at the insides of random houses for two weeks now and I am about ready to have a cow. I need this little 30 minute (20 if you fast forward thru commercials) escape in my day. Just thought I needed to tattle on myself.

Heaven

I think we found it. It's name is Duluth, MN. Sounds kinda silly, I know... but maybe it was because I was with my favorite person in the whole world. Or maybe it was because the weather was perfect and the sun was glorious, the sound of the water soothing, the woods peaceful and the rocks majestic. Whatever it was, it was perfect. A perfect place and time for Chuck and I to celebrate our 15th anniversary. We are very simple. We don't need or want alot. We don't need to be entertained. What we desire most is the gift of time - time together. That is exactly what we got while out in nature, exploring, enjoying and living each day to its fullest.

The gorgeous B&B where we stayed

This just screams: Come relax over here! Doesn't it?

The glorious sunrise over Lake Superior

The rocky shoreline

Living in Love

Fun climbing the rocks along the shore

Split Rock Lighthouse perched atop a 100 foot cliff

Interesting rock formations

A real dress up for dinner night. Enjoying a walk in the harbor

under the brilliant light of the full moon reflecting off the water.

Such smooth rocks and such frigid water

The view we were greeted with when we woke up each morning.

The cliffs protruding out to Lake Superior

Childhood

I love this. This is their activity of choice. They each get their target bags filled with books, climb up the tree (affectionately named Bob) to their 'spot' and then commence reading in the afternoon sun. Perfection.