Don't Be Olimar

 

Apparently, there are rules for meeting your kid's college friends. This, I did not know. Bennett was expecting his friends to come up for a visit. Right before they got here he laid out the rules for me, like he was afraid I was going to burst into song and dance or something.

"Mom, when my friends get here, you can't talk in your whiny voice or be Olimar. Okay?"

First of all, who the heck is Oldimar? And how have I ever been like him? And just for the record, I don't have a whiny voice.

"Mom! Not Oldimar -  OL-I-MAR -  you know, the character in MarioKart that you like play. Just don't be all like, 'I'm going to go potty now' or act like him."

Again, that doesn't really help. But now that you've given me some context, I remember that character from that ridiculous video game that I hate. Apparently, this Olimar has a character flaw I am unaware of. As for the whining...I only do that in jest. I was just copying Chloe when she was younger and whined incessantly. Sometimes it's cathartic to mimic your kids for them to see the ridiculousness of their actions. And maybe on ocassion, when I'm a wee bit tired, maybe I whine just a tad. But he had nothing to fear because his friends weren't stopping by anywhere close to bed time. So I was safe on that count. I was also not supposed to try to "act cool." 

I have to say, I think I passed with flying colors. I greeted them like a normal person, without hugging, touching, or smiling excessively or nervously. I didn't jump up and down. I remembered their names. I didn't act like a video game character, and I didn't whine about one thing. I mean, I wasn't nonchalant because I'm a mom and mom's don't do super-cool, non-chalant things like grunt and nod in passing as new humans enter their dwelling. But on the flip side, I wasn't all exciteable and overly flowery or shoving food in their faces either. So I count this as a win. 

Bennett might have a different version of this story.  

 

*Addendum*

Come to find out, the graphic I used isn't even Olimar!! You can imagine my utter confusion when Chuck read my blog and said, "Well that's funny, but that gif is not Olimar. And he is a character in Smash Bros, not MarioKart." 

Then what is even real in this world? Why have I always thought that this was who Bennett was talking about when he referenced Olimar? Who am I even? What is the meaning of life?  

I'm going to stick my head in the sand and carry on as is because apparently I don't even know anything any more and things are not as they seem. I'm just going to go back to my little fantasy world right now. Try not to ever ask me anything about any nintendo games. I know nothing.

On Being A Social Asset

 

I dared to ask Chloe what her plans were for tonight. I said these words exactly, "Do you have plans for tonight?" She was like, "I don't know what my plans are." Nowadays kids don't "make plans," social occurrences just happen. 

Did you know they don't use their phones to actually talk - on the phone - to each other? They "snap" one another. This type of "communication" (and I use this term in its broadest definition) is even quicker than texting and, apparently, talking. Plus, all evidence of the "communication" that just transpired instantly vanishes. I have no idea how this is a helpful feature. 

Anyways...back to the story. Chuck interjected, "She doesn't know now what tonight will look like." To which Chloe responds, "I'm sorry I'm a social asset" (in the snarkiest voice you can muster). If you gave me 10 years, I never would have come up with that term. But the funny thing is, it's true! I need more social assets in my life. I've never been a social asset to anybody. What must that feel like? 

Moral of the story...we still don't know Chloe's plans for tonight. We probably won't until 5 minutes before they happen. Which means, we have no idea what to cook for dinner tonight because, truth be told, that's the only reason we wanted to know. We've discovered that when it's just Chuck and me at home, we don't really feel like making real meals, we'll just find leftovers or eat breakfast for dinner. But if any of the kids are home, we plan a meal. Thus, my dilemma continues...what to cook for dinner?

Chloe's Secret Game

The other night at dinner Chloe was all exasperated and giving loud huffy breaths. I looked at her and asked what was wrong. And this is exactly what she said, "Mom, why don't you ever look at me when you're eating?!" I look at her quizzically, with my head tilted to the side, much like a dog trying to understand something. And then comes the confession: "I play this game at the dinner table where I look at you and wait to see how long it takes for you to look back at me. And sometimes you never look at me!" (said in a progressively whiny, high, desperate voice). 

I don't know whether to be honored or creeped out that she's stalking me at dinner. Why would you just stare at someone longingly at the dinner table? Is this some secret code I'm supposed to know? Why me, why not Chuck? What am I supposed to do? Stare back? Smile? Flutter my eyelashes? Blow kisses? How many years has she been playing this game? Granted, we still hold hands at the dinner table most nights. But I am just now learning that she has the expectation that I look at her and acknowledge her multiple times throughout the meal.

This reveals several things to me:

     1) I must be horrible at looking at people while I'm eating; I concentrate entirely way         too much on my food and getting it into my mouth. 

     2) Chloe needs constant attention and affirmation, even while eating.

     3) Chloe basks in the warm glow of my eyes upon her face and feels enveloped in              love and I'm just now learning about this at the age of 16. 

     4) She's been playing this "game" for how many years and I'm just now learning              about it? 

     5) Chloe equates my love for her by how many times I gaze lovingly into her eyes              at the dinner table and I'm clueless to this fact - thus, why I've never won the             "mother of the year" award.

This just goes to show, when you think you understand parenting, everything changes. This was news to me...and I feel quite in touch with Chloe. We're always growing and learning as people and as parents. 

And don't worry, I'm on the ball now. I bestow multiple glances at my sweet girl throughout dinner time, at the ready with a warm, loving smile that says: I see you, I love you, you're important. And then I focus on my food once more (since that's why we're at the dinner table.)

The First Fourteener

 

 

This is actually a Bennett story, not a Mommy story. But since I'm his mom and I'm super proud of him, I'm going to share it for all to remember. 

 

Around these parts, it's kind of a thing to climb 14ers. There are 58 of them in Colorado alone. So now that Bennett's in college and can do whatever he wants, when he wants...he chooses to do a 14er.

 

The only caveat is that most people train to hike one of these. It's incredibly hard work. You have to prepare your body and mind. If you scale altitude too fast, you get incredibly dizzy from the lack of oxygen and if you're prone to migraines, it will hit you like a brick wall. Also, one of the THE MAIN tips is to: start early, well before the sun rises; and always plan to be off of the summit and below the treeline by noon.

 

So Bennett and his friends just decide one day, "we should go climb a 14er." The next day they went. Granted, he and his friends are all super fit, healthy, and young. That's pretty much the only thing they had going for them. They did remember to pack granola bars and water - so I guess that was also good. However, they didn't even start the 3,000 foot hike until after 1pm. A good hour after they should have already descended the peak according to expert hikers. They didn't reach the peak till 3pm. It did make for incredible pictures and probably the most beautiful sunset he's ever seen.

But notice it's just two people who made it to the summit. A group of 6-8 of them went. Everybody else turned back at the false summit (the last peak before the real one). But Rachel, the girl in the picture and Bennett's close friend, still wanted to go to the top. He didn't want her to do it alone even though he was exhausted. So he went with her.

He said the wind was horribly strong. It was bitter cold. The rocks were incredibly slippery. It was intense and treacherous. But they saw a mountain goat, so that was cool. Plus, they were descending in the dark. Ice covered many of the rocks. It was hard in the dark to tell which rocks were stable and which ones weren't. Everything the experienced hikers say not to do, they did. And lived to tell about it.I think that is a perfect summary of the college years in general.

Unfortunately, he ended up with the worst migraine ever and had to go straight back home to sleep it off. The next day when he was telling us about it, his legs and ankles were killing him. But he said his knee held up, which he saw as the bright spot in all the pain he was experiencing. (He had a knee injury the end of his Junior year in HS making him unable to play basketball for more than 6 months with many more months of rehabilitation on top of that. So this hike was the ultimate test on it.)

Personally, I never aspire to climb a 14er. There are several reasons in case you care to know: 1) I don't want to wake up and be climbing a mountain in the cold at 5am. 2) I like to stop and admire the beauty and take pictures along the way - I'm a slow hiker. 3) I get migraines too easily. 4) I love to look at other people's pictures of making it to the top and celebrating their joy and success. 5) I am perfectly content to be at or below 11,000 feet and beneath the treeline. 6) I hate the cold. So...more power to all the 14er hikers out there. I'm super happy for you. Keep doing hard things. I'll be cheering for you from the bottom.

 

The Enneagram

(photo credit: ttps://ardencoaching.com/the-enneagram/)

I have a thing for personality tests. I LOVE them! I am constantly learning how to better understand those I love so I can better relate to, understand, and engage with them. I also love it as a self-reflection tool. This awesome tool has been a Godsend in helping me to be a better parent as well. Not to mention, a more understanding and compassionate wife.

Isn't it incredible how we think everyone sees the world around us and interprets it the same way we do?! We're all naturally wired that way. We just can't imagine how anyone can see things any other way than our way - the right way. Am I right?! 

I've always been fond of personality assessments. I've been doing them since high school. But one of the biggest problems I've noticed with them has been how they seem to "box you in." People tend to interpret these types of tests as "this is just the way I am, so you have to accept me, warts and all." In a sense, I guess that's partially true. But on the other hand, it seems to be more of an excuse. It doesn't seem to encourage transformation or change. Rather, that mentality seems to justify your behaviors, way of life, outlook, and characteristics. I don't buy into that. That is a static way of living and not very healthy.

By contrast, the enneagram is a tool that highlights your healthy and unhealthy patterns of behavior and thought. It actually encourages transformation by teaching you how to own your own choices, actions, and tendencies. It requires honest self-reflection. It is very, very freeing. You're not boxed in, you're set free to be the fullest expression of who you are and who you're capable of being. We are very complex beings, encompassing a wide range of feelings, actions, and thoughts. The enneagram is fluid and allows for this complexity in a way I've not seen in other personality explanations.

There are several authors who write extensively about this topic. I was introduced to it through the writings of the Franciscan Priest, Richard Rohr. I have since read a multitude of books from such authors as Chris Heuertz, Ian Morgan Cron, Susan Stabile, Rene Baron, Helen Palmer, and more. There are also so many fantastic websites. In this post I will be linking to one of my favorites: The Enneagram Institute. 

The one thing that's different about the enneagram from other assessments is that you typically are not "proud" of your number. Nobody wishes to be the number they are. You tend to see your "worst self" when you read your number and it's a little embarrassing. But this, too, is healthy, it shows you're aware of these negative tendencies you really never verbalized or accepted as true before. You have to learn awareness before you can catch yourself behaving or thinking in unhealthy ways and then grow and transform into the fullest, best version of you.

I'd like to introduce you to the family by way of the enneagram. Once you read about each person's number, certain actions that you saw but never understood might finally make sense, or you might shake your head in agreement with a particularly revealing description.  The goal is to gain deeper insight in order to grow deeper relationships - something we all value highly in this family.

 Chuck is a 9. 

Chloe is an 8. 

Gavin is a 5.

Bennett is a 7.

And I am a 1.

The Post-Bennett Era

 

In these new times we're living in, The Post-Bennett Era, things look ALOT different. Take for instance, our menu board. Notice that absolutely nothing is written upon it. Bennett would have none of that. Every meal must be pre-thought out and planned a week in advance. He HAS to know what he'll be eating, and when, at all times. I have accommodated him for 18+ years.

And now that he's off at school with "the best meal plan ever" (unlimited food, whenever you want it), I've gotten a little lax in our meal planning, with the menu board as evidence. Many nights the three of us just rummage through the cupboard and fridge and piece meal something together. Often, it's tea, toast, and eggs. Our friends refer to this style as "Choose Your Own Adventure" night, which we've been happy to adopt since it fits our lifestyle so well. Sometimes, it's nothing.

We've always referred to Bennett as the glue of the family. Apparently, he's also the one who keeps us eating and eating on time. Although, don't be fooled, he cooks none of his own food (with his famed lunch quesadillas as the lone exception). Maybe saying he's a great Food Supervisor would be more appropriate. All I know is, we never saw this coming. I used to be as addicted to eating every two hours as Bennett is. I needed to know exactly when I was eating and what it was (I wonder where he got it from?). But now-a-days, I truly don't care. Meal scheduling, planning, and timing is like a story from yesteryear that sounds vaguely familiar. And I'm loving it.

Fargo In Fall

 

We got to go see our boy! I just love this kid so much. He is so much fun to hangout with, talk to, listen to, play with. He planned all kinds of fun activities for us.

 

 

The Plains Art Museum is always one of the top spots on our list of favorite places to visit. Every time we visit, we're blown away by the incredible exhibits. And it's FREE! Not only do we appreciate all the art, but we love how they recycled the building and added stunning architectural features. Even the building is a piece of art.

 

 

Downtown Fargo is such a fantastic, vibrant place to wander around. And the food! Oh my goodness...we sure ate good on this trip. Gavin and his friends are constantly exploring the local food scene. And we certainly reaped the benefit from all their "research trips." 

 

Gavin recently changed apartments. He moved into this lovely building just last month with his friends. He's such a happy camper now. Free laundry, awesome few from the 5th floor, friends and games always at hand, his own room, and lower rent. What's not to love?!

 

 

 

He even utilized his space to maximum efficiency making me one happy space planner. Most everything he had in his old, efficiency apartment actually fit into this one room.

 

 

 

This is the side opposite his bed. Yes. He does have 3 computer monitors. And a shelf full of awesome books. He's definitely his mother's son in that regard. And his father's son on the computer front.
 

 

Gavin took us on a tour of NDSU that no one else has ever gotten to enjoy, except maybe the custodial staff that work in this basement. For his job, he is forever being sent to the most obscure places around campus to look for electrical boxes and switches (he works for Network Engineering). This was one of the places he's had to go a few times. This basement is so creepy and old. We were the only ones down there. It's the type of place you wouldn't be surprised to find a dead body. It was super fun. We got to see the rest of the campus too, but this was by far the most memorable.

 

 

We also got to experience the Red River Farmer's Market - masks and all. I was surprised, the news is showing ND spiking in Covid cases, but everywhere we went in Fargo, people were wearing masks.  

 

 

We spent several hours walking along the Red River that separates ND from MN. On our way to the river walked through Island Park. It's an old park with giant pines and maples. Super peaceful. But we were super surprised to come across this very old commemorative statue of the Civil War.

 

 

This is the trail we followed for our 3 mile trek along both sides of the river.

 

 

This is a dock on the MN side.

 

I really love how much Fargo-ites (?) Fargonians (?) Fargo people appreciate art. Here we found Paul Bunyan and his oxen.

 

 

And the famed Bison that ND was once famous for but sadly, there are no more.

 

 

Also on the MN side of the Red River in the town called Morehead, Gavin showed us this brand new amphitheater that was just built. It was so visually appealing.

 

 

And the sound quality was incredible. You could stand on the stage and just talk in your normal voice and the person sitting in the last row on the back could hear you perfectly. I hope Gavin gets to see a concert there before he graduates. 

 

 

 

Before leaving on Sunday morning, Chuck got to play Smash Bros with Gavin and Collin. This appears to be a very serious activity.

 

 

And we were lucky enough to get to hold Oogway, Collin's pet turtle. They even take him to the park for "walks." Apparently, Oogway likes to sit in the window and watch the cars go by. 

 

Time in Fargo is always special because we get to share it with Gavin!

Art Is Everywhere

 

A couple weeks ago, Chloe and I decided to find as many transformer boxes as we could and take pictures by them. We had no idea what we were walking into. We've seen these beautifully painted electrical boxes around town for years, but just took them for granted. Then I decided to look up the reason for them. A couple of years ago, the city of Fort Collins decided to beautify these ugly gray boxes found all over the city. They decided to commission local artists to paint these boxes. I'm so glad they did. These ugly, now beautiful, boxes are just so happy. It's the little things that bring joy and art and beauty into people's lives. Art is everywhere...you just have to look. Here's a sampling of just a few that Chloe and I found. We spent about an hour one evening and two hours the next day on what felt like an easter egg hunt all around Old Town (the old downtown area of the city). We photographed over 52 transformer boxes and I have a feeling we haven't even made a dent in the amount left to still find. We had such a fun time together! I'm so glad we live in a city that values art.

This is titled, High Plains Gold by Gale Whitman

Also by Gale Whitman, Juicy

This is the Bayou Moonlight Delite by Terry McNerney

My personal favorite, Sunset Serenade by Kristen Vohs

 

This is The Tattoo Dragon by Blake Neubert

This is titled, This Land Is Your Land, by Diane Findley

No title or artist name given

No title or artist name given

 

 

No title or artist name given

This is called Colorado Sky Shows by Cynthia Danielle

This is the other side of the one from above.

This is Burrowing Owls by Larry Tucci

Two Dozen

How lucky are we?! 24 years of love. It's a gift I will never take for granted. We're not only still in love, we're still in like too. I think it's important to really like your spouse. We're best friends, play mates, and goof balls. I wouldn't have it any other way. 

We normally like to plan something special for each anniversary. But...the pandemic. If living in a pandemic has taught us anything, it's been to stay flexible, things can change in an instant. We were supposed spend a long weekend in Crested Butte, Colorado. We'd never been there and heard it was beautiful. But we just didn't feel right about it. So we cancelled our plans. That freed up the money we would have spent for our midnight drive to North Dakota to check on our boy. See, it all works out.

 

 

Then we thought maybe we'd go hiking on the day of our anniversary...that is until the Cameron Peak fire, 50 miles from us spewed fire and smoke 40,000 feet into the atmosphere. This picture was taken at 3pm. It gets weirder every day. So, hiking was out of the question. The last thing we want to do is drive toward the fire. It's hard enough to breathe down here. It's literally raining ashes.

 

 

But leave it to Chuck to save the day. He found an incredible Asian Restaurant in Denver. And the smoke hadn't quite invaded Denver as badly as it has Fort Collins. so we headed to Denver for a fun-filled day outside.

This restaurant is famous for their dumplings. They did not disappoint. I'm counting down the days till we can return again. This food just made us so happy!

 

 

It especially made our date-buddy happy. Chloe got to share in the festivities of being married for 24 years. Lucky her. She was cool with it because she scored free Asian food and undivided attention from the both of us (which she gets in spades nowadays since she's the only one of the kids left at home).

 

 

From there we went to the Denver Botanical Garden

 

 

In our 3 years here, we've never been there before.

 

 

It was lovely to be outside, in a sparsely populated area, taking in beauty. However, as the weather heated up and the day progressed, so did the smoke. We had to cut our time at the Gardens short because it was getting hard to breathe. But it was just enough time outside to fill us up.

Our twenty fourth year together has ushered us into a new phase of life. We're super close to an empty nest (oftentimes it feels already empty since Chloe is rarely around). But we're embracing all the joy and sorrow together that this new transition brings. Our sorrows are lighter and our joys are sweeter when shared together.