The Advocate

Chloe asked me what she could do to earn money today. Vacuuming out the car is always a good stand-by. So I told her I would be happy to give her $2.50 for vacuuming out Daddy's car. She was thrilled. I asked her what she wanted to do with the money she earned and she simply replied, "Give it away."

Bennett was with us when we were in the negotiation process of this exchange and piped up after about 5 minutes of listening, "Mom. I don't think it's fair that you only pay Chloe $2.50 for doing a very hard job. I think it's worth more than that. Last week when we all vacuumed out the big car it was very hard. And she's going to be doing this all by herself."

"That's a good point you bring up Bennett. What do you think a fair about would be?", I reasoned with him.

"I think you should pay her $5." was his reply.

I asked Chloe, "Did you see what your brother just did for you. He got you more money to a job you agreed to do for a little bit of money."

"Thank you, Bennett." she sweetly said to him. Since she has no concept of monetary value, the amount didn't really matter to her. What mattered was that her brother stood up for her and for that she had stars in her eyes.

Bennett cannot sit by and watch when he feels something is happening unfairly. He must speak up. This has its negative qualities, to be sure (as in, when we're asking something of him that he feels is unfair, quite the 'discussion' ensues). But I feel that the positives out-weigh the negatives in this instance. I'm proud of his character choice. He didn't benefit from this in the least bit - but he spoke up anyways. Way to think of others, Bennett. May you always stand up for the underdog, the down and out, the unloved and un-noticed.

Reading Habits

Even though this was in our old house, it's very representative of the love affair all in this family share of books - both old and new. Not only do we go to the library at least once a week, we also have a habit of raiding the local Half-Price Bookstore and stocking up on the most random stack of books at dirt cheap prices. I guess in a way you could call us "book rescuers". It is our philosophy that every book needs a good home and every home needs a good book (or 10 or 327).

I guess all this started back when I became pregnant with Gavin. A good friend, who was a teacher, gave me one of the best books you could ever give a new parent. It was titled, "The Read Aloud Handbook", by Jim Trelease. From the moment Gavin was born we were reading to him. Little did we know then that reading would be his favorite past time. When he was only weeks old he would study those little black, white and red board books like he was going to have a test on them at the end of the week. I even remember reading Dr. Seuss books to him at 3 months old, specifically "Fox in Socks". I had never read this book before and was laughing hysterically through it as I was reading it and watching Gavin's confused expressions.

The children will always drop whatever it is they're doing if I come in the room and ask if they'd like me to read aloud to them. Even as they age and are all able to read on their own, they always still love it when I chose to read to them. I actually love to sit and listen to someone read and allow my mind to wander and just enjoy the sweetness of the person's voice wash over me as I day dream. So it is with them. It is a time of bonding for us.

Tonight before bed, Bennett asks if he can read to me. An unusual request since the kids mostly want me to read to them before bed. But I absolutely love to hear them read to me and the cute little inflections in their voices. He chose a book typical of his favorite genre. Ever since the time he could walk up and down the library isles, he has chosen the exact same type of book, non-fiction, animal books. The kid has a passion for anything animal. He has read every book on cheetahs available at our library. He craves facts and repeats them every chance he gets. He is very sympathetic towards all animals. He even gets upset with me when I chase the squirrel off the bird-feeder; he thinks I'm being unfair to the squirrel. It's so sweet to see his passion for reading follow this road. And not surprising, he also LOVES "Hank the Cowdog". He knows good humor when he reads/hears it!

Chloe is a hoot. She taught herself to read at 4. Kindergarten readers were beneath her. She felt the need to start out with Berenstain Bears. But what cracks me up is how she actually tries to use different voices and inflections as she's reading. I don't think I understood or applied this concept until adulthood. She's especially good at the 'mommy voice'. She also adores all the Little Men books, Junie B. Jones and American Girl series. She has already read the entire isle of 'princess books' at the library but insists on reading them over and over and over. I guess repetition is how they learn and absorb so much at this age.

Gavin is my sci/fi, fantasy guy. Daddy started reading "The Chronicles of Narnia" to him at age 5 and he's been hooked on that genre ever since. He also LOVES books in a series. However, he also exhibits a little of my OCD by not being able to start a series of books unless he starts with book #1. He refuses to read books out of order. And once he's finished an entire series, he goes back and starts it all over. I've never known anyone to re-read a book again so fast. Personally, it would bore me, but he loves it. He loves all the Star Wars and Bionicle books as well as Hardy Boys mysteries and Box Car Children mysteries. I guess the sci/fi, fantasy type books are what fuel his imagination and help him not feel boxed in to the rules and limitations of this world.

Isn't it amazing how what type of books we favor reflect our personalities so perfectly?

I have learned sooooo, soooo much through reading. I have learned to be more understanding of other cultures, to be more open-minded and not so intolerant. I have learned so much about compassion, love, risk, adventure, death, fear and the human desire to survive and protect. I adore historical fiction. I love feeling like I'm back in whatever time of history that I'm into at the moment. It makes history come alive. I also love Holocaust stories. I know that seems a bit dark and morbid, but I've been fascinated by the stories of those who could live through such atrocities and live to tell about it ever since I was a teenager. I also love biographies - just another silly, female way to connect and relate with people.

Chuck used to hate reading - it was a chore. But he noticed how much I really enjoyed it and wanted to see if he was missing something. So he jumped back into the 'book reading world' and has never left. He became fascinated with books about other cultures and racisim and conflicts. He realized how much bigger the world was than our little, ego-centric view. He also enjoys a good war story and anything about the 1960's. We sometimes read each other's books, but not often. But we always enjoy sharing what we're learning with each other and talking about quotes in our books that meant alot to us. It's a fun way to connect and learn what's going on in someone else's brain.

I'm horrible about remembering good quotes from what I've read. I wish I had a quick wit like that. But, thankfully, there's Google who is there to do what my mind cannot. I wanted to end with a few good quotes on reading and books and these jumped out at me. Please feel free to share your own favorites. You know I'd love to learn more!

"Tell me what you read and I'll tell you who you are" is true enough, but I'd know you better if you told me what you reread. ~François Mauriac

If you resist reading what you disagree with, how will you ever acquire deeper insights into what you believe? The things most worth reading are precisely those that challenge our convictions. ~Author Unknown

The love of learning, the sequestered nooks, And all the sweet serenity of books.
~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

A house without books is like a room without windows. ~Heinrich Mann

Aspirations

Gavin and I were discussing his future employment options this morning. He insists on being an acrobat. This is the answer he will give anyone who asks the inevitable question, "So, what do you want to be when you grow up?" I'm learning to accept this answer because its better than the garbage man career he was pursuing a few years ago. I mean, really, what kind of activities do you put your kid in as they're growing up to help prepare them for this line (garbage man) of work?

But Gavin also loves to invent things. So, it occurred to me today that I could throw in a new job sequence into the list. I'm sly. "Honey, since you love to invent things, you might really love molecular biology."

"Huh?! What's that?"

I felt I gave him a very precise explanation of this most interesting field while avoiding really going in too deep (since I'm not really exactly sure what it is). I thought I made it sound very appealing.

But it seems Gavin has higher aspirations. You see, his other dream is to live in an RV. He also wants to be "World Traveling Gavin" when he grows up and is just not 100% sure how to earn money doing it. That's where his genius idea for becoming an acrobat came in. He believes he can be a traveling acrobat in his own RV. Perfect. So...the only obvious question from him in response to my molecular biological future pursuits for him was, "Well Mom, how does an RV fit into all that?"

"You know honey, you got me there. I don't see how or why you would need an RV in that profession."

So. We're still going for acrobat. I just pray that if he makes it all the way to Cirque du Soleil in Montreal, that he promises to give me good seats for the show and lets me travel around with him in his RV.

An Accident Waiting To Happen

That's my Bennett boy! If someone can get hurt doing anything...9 times out of 10 it will always be Bennett. That's why we weren't surprised, while on vacation recently, that Bennett called me into the bathroom in tears.

How about I set the scene first. We were in a very nice Hampton Inn. We had just come back from being out all day and were all relaxing in various parts of the room. Bennett just happened to be in the bathroom during this time. When all of the sudden I hear his little piggy squeal and know something happened. I figured he just closed the door on his finger. How else could one get hurt in a bathroom?

Turns out he was getting up from the toilet and bumped his head on the vanity (evidently he was looking down while standing up). This startled him so much that he decided to sit back down to rub his head and have a good cry. That's when he fell into the toilet. And no, he hadn't closed the lid yet or even flushed.

I run in there, not knowing what to expect, but knowing he needed my comforting. As he's standing there crying and explaining what happened, all I could do was laugh - there was no hiding it. As he was talking, he was trying harder to cry than laugh as well. It sounded absurd even to him.

I asked him if his pants got wet. He was still standing there just holding his head looking forlorn. He turned around to show me - it looked as if he just jumped into the pool with his clothes on. I told him I couldn't hug him until his 'potty pants' were off. He finally was able to laugh at the whole event, even though he was madder than heck.

Seriously, who does this happen to? I've NEVER heard of someone bumping their head and then immediately falling INTO the potty.

Then, as if I needed bonus material, the next day he was walking back into the hotel with daddy from the parking area outside the hotel. It had an automatic arm that let cars in and out. Guess who was walking unaware, with his head down, watching his feet and not what was in front of him? Yep...Bennett boy. Conveniently for him, he's the exact height of the automatic arm. He walks dead center into it. Once again, Chuck hears the piggy squeal (Bennett's cries) and turns around to see him holding his head. He can't figure out what could have happened. As Bennett explains, Chuck is desperately trying to show compassion while laughing his head off.

Just the other day we were all reading the warning sign posted on this automatic arm and joking about how anyone could ever not see it coming and get hurt by it. It even warned that it could bonk you in the head and showed a little graphic. We thought it hilarious. And of course, it happened to Bennett.

I think I need to attach a warning sign on Bennett: "Watch Out - I Could Get Hurt At Any Minute For No Reason".

Pit Check

No one ever informed us that we would ever have need of something called a "Pit Check". Why would anyone ever want to smell someone else's pits on purpose??? That is the most important question here. I guess love and personal responsibility for younger people you brought into this world makes you do things you never thought you would.

Take for example, Bennett. He can spend all day in the shower and never even use soap. I truly don't understand. He was hugging me goodnight one evening when a noxious fume came between us. I kept smelling him until I located the origin of the odor. It was his pits - and this was after he had showered. Ughhh! Daddy made him get back in the shower and gave him detailed instructions on what to with the soap and where!

I can't even tell you how many times Bennett has gotten out of the shower, Chuck given him the 'pit check' (which includes smelling feet - because the water at the bottom of the shower doesn't automatically clean them) and marched him back into the bathroom for his second shower. At what age do you just assume they can adequately clean all their bodily parts?

Oh the joys of parenthood that no-one warns you about. But if they did, do you really think you would believe them? You'd probably think...not my child, that would never happen to us, we know how to raise clean kids...and then you become a parent and all thoughts of perfection fly out the window. Especially with boys.

The old saying is true afterall:

What are little boys made of?

Snips and snails, and puppy dogs tails
That's what little boys are made of !"
What are little girls made of?
"Sugar and spice and all things nice

That's what little girls are made of!"

Changing Times

I was at a park today where I've taken the kids to play since they were all babies. I saw lots of moms there today with little ones at the stage of life we were at a good 5 to 7 years ago. It made me melancholy wondering if I enjoyed it to the fullest as much as I could. I'll never get those years back. Was I too worried about 'the schedule' or making sure I packed everything in the diaper bag or too frantic from the exhaustion that life with toddlers brings? Or did I sit there and smile as I watched them play, giggle and explore their new little world with excitement and energy? I really miss that time of mommy-hood.

In the same vein, I've also been wondering if I'm enjoying my kids enough at their current ages: 10, 7 and 5. As much as I miss their teeny, tiny toddler voices and needs, I also love where they're at now. They are super fun. I love who they are as individuals. I love how they see the world through this age. Everyone is still good, there is no bad in the world - at least nothing that a superhero couldn't fix (yes, the line is still fuzzy with reality vs. fantasy). They are so, so innocent. They are not self-conscious - yet. They do everything with abandon. Playing is by far the most important priority in their little world.

Even though I never dreamed I would ever homeschool my children, I've enjoyed the challenge and excitement the past 5 years have brought us on this journey. I think I've learned more than they have. I never realized how much work it would be; how much I would love it and hate it simultaneously; how rewarding it is; or how much I would stand in awe as I watched them learn and the exciting process that is.

But the challenge, for me, has come with juggling my time with the kids. Many moms are able to work out a routine that fits their family's needs wonderfully. I, on the other hand, seemed to struggle with this non-stop. It's understandable being that 'time' is one of my strongest love languages and I value it greatly. Feeling like I had to choose between the kids and who got my time when, started weighing very heavy on my heart. It started taking away all the advantages that homeschooling seemed to be giving to our family. And most importantly, it started taking away my joy in them.

We always said we'd take it year by year to see what God wanted for the kids and their education. This has been a very humbling road for me. As wonderful as it has been academically for the children, it has also been a huge growth in my heart and way of thinking. I love the challenge. I love the research. I love having the freedom to pick and choose topics my children have an interest in and watch that knowlege expand as we learn through it together and go as far as we want. But, as with all things, there is a season. And the season to walk off the homeschool path and walk onto the public school path has come.

I was very surprised by the timing. I thought God was preparing my heart for a year from now. I was already excited about a charter school I had looked into for the children. But he knew they and I needed the separation even sooner - even though I wasn't able to admit it. And I have to say, I'm soooooo excited about the prospect of just being mom again. The line between 'teacher' and 'mom' became so blurred. I know moms are always teaching their children in life lessons, but also teaching academic lessons can at times be challenging. Don't get me wrong, the rewards of homeschooling have been numerous and I would do it the same way all over again. I thought I'd homeschool forever, actually.

We're walking into this new path with excitement, optimisim and a little trepedition of what lies ahead. But we trust God in all this. He's been in control from the beginning. But most of all, I feel I can finally get back to just enjoying my kids again...not feeling like I have to divide my time up equally between them all and still find time to get lessons prepared, dinner cooked, house cleaned and everything else.

Chloe and I are planning on having a wonderful year of playing dress-up and makeup everyday and doing whatever it is girly-girls do. She's probably born the brunt of the lack of my time in this whole venture. Granted, she didn't know what she was missing (time with me), but I did and my heart was very heavy because of it.

This is just one of the many changes life brings. I'm glad for change...other wise life would be boring and predictable and we'd never grow.

It's The Weekend!

This is what our gameroom looks like most Friday and Saturday nights. The reason being..."It's the Weekend!" and the kids all love to sleep together. They normally make their forts/rvs/hideouts, gather all their favorite books and settle in for the night together. I wonder how long this will last. I'm just glad they enjoy being together and want to do this. Why anyone would ever voluntarily want to sleep on the floor when there's a perfectly comfy bed in the other room is beyond me! I guess fun outweighs comfort!

Random Thoughts

I was visiting with a friend this week who I used to go to school with 20 years ago. I can't even believe I'm old enough to use that phrase already - "20 years ago". We were reminiscing about all the crazy ideas we were brainwashed with. The years at this school were not good years. Every aspect of our lives were controlled by the headmaster. The memories that we shared together were only for giving solace to one another because only those of us who went to this school understand how each other feel. But God truly does work all things for good - even this experience.

I got to thinking when I got home about one of the many 'key phrases' the head instructor used to say to us. He would tell us, "Pressure and Conflict build Character". This was ingrained in us. It was their way to get us to do anything we didn't want to do. We were not allowed to question or disagree, just follow. We were not allowed to think for ourselves - that might have been dangerous.

But now I look back and see so many lies that I thought were truths because adults were teaching them to us. And adults wouldn't purposely lead you astray, would they? I trusted them. Anyways, I realized that I didn't buy into that phrase any longer. I have come to learn that suffering and pain cause us to turn to God and that pressure and conflict just reveal our true character - not build it. Character is built under the education, care, instruction and guidance of our parents. Hard work, perseverance and having to give up something (your time, your stuff, your money, etc.) builds character.

Then I started questioning. If this was a "Christian" school (I use that term in the loosest sense of the word) why did they care more about building morals than pointing us to rely on God? I'm afraid that's often the horrible downfall of too many well-meaning "Christian" schools, organizations, etc. Let's just make "good kids". If they question or rebel or disagree - they're not good. But nothing could be farther from the truth. Those kids are seeking answers, seeking a way to fill the void inside them that religion and morals aren't filling.

That was a blast from the past, wasn't it?! I think my brain is still processing this. As God reveals more truths to me it only makes me all the more thankful that He leads me through 'pressure and conflict' and is changing me from the inside out.

*image credit: Creator:Aleksey

New Nomenclature

This kid never ceases to crack me up. At lunch today he was telling us a story about how one of his friends hit him in the gutters while they were pretend fighting. Wait a minute...what gutters??? "You know" he says, "my boy parts." Oh, I see. "Honey, how did you come up with that name?" Last I heard, they were called something different. He replied, "I don't know. I just think we can come up with something better than boring old 'boy parts'." We wouldn't want life to be boring, would we?

My Nemisis

Do you see this???? This is the bain of my existence! My children sure do know how to push my buttons. Why oh why do all my pillows ALWAYS end up on the floor? I can always tell when Chloe has been in a room because each and every pillow will be expertly resting on the floor. Of all the things they can torture me with, why must they take the pillows from their precisely, predetermined, precious place? I have a 'thing' for liking things in their spot. Who cares if the spot is clean or dusty, old or new...but by golly, if I have put something somewhere and someone has moved it, angled it, rearranged it or even looked cross-eyed at it - I know! It's a gift and curse - mostly a curse. You can imagine the mind games people like to play with me when they've discovered this little, tiny, unimportant personality quirk of mine. I'm hoping this is just a phase...my dream is that one day, they too, will come to appreciate proper placement of household items. Until then...I pick up one pillow at a time day in and day out...and remind myself, they won't be this age forever...so just laugh it off. I'm laughing on the inside - trust me.

My Favorite Place

Of all the places in my house, my favorite is here. The dinner table (or breakfast table or lunch table - depending on the time of day), is by far the most entertaining, memorable, happiest and craziest part of my day. It is here where we tell each other what we're thankful for each day - even on the days we have a hard time finding something to be thankful for. It is here the children learn manners and have the opportunity to practice eating politely. It is here where the children (and us) can be crazy during our "Dress Up For Dinner Nights" - always an unexpected and funny treat. It is here where we share the ups and downs of our days with one another and learn compassion, empathy and encouragement. It is here where I get to set a pretty table each night to show my family how special I think they are. We even have special plates we give out: an "I Love You" plate, an "I Appreciate You" plate and a "special" plate. I also have come to enjoy the luxury of fresh flowers on table each week. Not only are they beautiful to look at, they also give us something to talk about (like we ever need a conversation starter in this house!). It is here that so many questions have been asked and attempts at answers have been made (i.e. - "Mom, if there's no gravity in space, why don't the planets bump into each other?", via Gavin. It was directed to me cuz I was the only adult sitting there at the time - that question multiplied times a million other random ones).It is here we attempt to solve the world's problems. It is here where you learn that your opinion matters to others. It is here where we unite as a family each day and build memories that my children will carry with them through their lifetime.

All that and....we just like to eat alot!

What's Up?

Evidently, this is a very confusing question to Bennett?

We're driving along today when he asks me, "Um, Mom...what in the world are you supposed to say when someone says, 'hey, what's up?'...I mean, I just have no clue how to answer. Reed (a 14 year old neighbor boy) always asks me that when he sees me."

Have I really neglected teaching my children the finer points of salutations? Do we really not have the ability to reason this through? Does this question really cause you to stop dead in your tracks and give the 'deer-in-the-headlights' look? Have we not introduced this question into the little bubble world you currently occupy? So many questions running thru my head and so few answers.

So, as nonchalantly as I can, without any remnants of guilt laced in my speech, I educate him on 'The Proper Way to Respond to a Teenage Boy". The instruction began by informing him that this phrase was in reality just a synonym of the word "hi" or "hello". You should have seen the look of understanding lighten up his face...i know hello. I then lead him into deeper waters, explaining that he's just asking in a 'cool' way how his day is going. The light bulb of his mind is now officially on and a knowing comprehension glows across his enlightened face.

He now knows how to be cool, in the teenage sense of the word...and isn't that all any of us want in life.