The Crazy Ones

I know this is from an old Apple ad, but it is worth repeating.

Love Does

I borrowed my title from this wonderful book.  But this story isn't about this book.  Clear as mud, right? This is a beautiful book and very inspiring.  Bennett can't seem to get it out of his head and is in the process of reading it for the second time all on his own accord.  But my story is about how one person in our family has been practicing 'doing love' and how beautiful it looks.

A while back at dinnertime we were all discussing what our love languages are.  Not that we haven't talked about it in the past, but we could tell it needed resurrecting.  Even though a child is the same person as they grow, their emphasis on their love language of preference sometimes changes.  And it's always helpful to encourage your kids to show their siblings love and teach them what that looks like since most of the time it doesn't come natural for them.  Self-preservation and fighting come naturally.

We were especially direct about this with Gavin.  We realized he has only 3 short years left living in this house with us under our daily guidance.  That time will pass in the blink of an eye.  We wanted to make sure he left an indelible mark in the lives of his siblings...that they wouldn't loose relationship just because he's not here 24 hours a day anymore.  That takes being intentional.

Love is not easy, nor does it come naturally for many people.  Gavin, in particular, operates much better if he knows the formula for something.  Once he learned the 'formula' of everyone's love language, it seemed much easier for him to make the formula function.

Ever since our conversation, Gavin has been the first to jump at a chance to show love.  If you know Gavin,  you know this is way outside his comfort zone and what he's normally like.  He doesn't often show emotion.  So this opportunity 'do' love in a 'known quantity' was huge to him.

For example, every night before I take my bath, I wash my tub.  Every. Single. Night.  But guess who asks me every night, "Mom, are you about to take your bath?  Can I go wash your tub for you?"  Or if Chuck gets up do it instead, Gavin races to be the first one because he knows how much it means to me (obviously, acts of service is my love language).   The other day at breakfast I mentioned that I planned on stripping my bed sheets to wash them and before I knew it, he was up in my room stripping my bed and taking my sheets to the washing machine.

And lately, he has actually offered to do the dishes on the night Chloe is scheduled to do them if there are a huge stack of them.  This in particular has shocked me.  He never deviates from the schedule (and yes, we have a schedule of whose turn it is to do the dishes each night).  Never.  Fair is fair.  But twice he has, out of his own volition with not so much as a nudge or look on our part, said, "I'll do the dishes for Chloe tonight."

Stunned.  That is me.  He really took our discussion to heart and I have seen a huge change in his love choices.  It's beautiful and true and I know, very hard for him.  But I see Jesus in him.  Where we are weak, He is strong.  This is the perfect example of that.

So that got me thinking....am I showing him love in the way he needs/wants it?  Come to find out, he's a chip off the 'ol the block.  His love language is also acts of service (and quality time).  So lately I've been ironing his shirts for him (an activity that will never get done otherwise because of his extreme disdain for ironing).  Apparently, this little act means the world to him.  And he feels my love even more than if I were to give him a bear hug (which worked well when he was 5, but not so much at 15).

This won't be the last time we have this conversation with the kids.  It's always a good reminder to love intentionally.  If we can practice on those closest to us, then it will be easier and come more naturally to love those around us that we don't know or even to love our enemies, one of the hardest challenges of all.

Right Of Passage

Today was a big day for our first born.  He went to the DMV to take the written test for his driver's permit.  He did not allow me to bring my big, bulky camera to document this momentous occasion.  He may think it's a big day for him - but rather, it's a big day for us, his parents.  Our baby is now going to be allowed to be out on these big, scary roads with other drivers...oh  my goodness, how can this be?! It was literally just yesterday that he was 1...I honestly don't see how he woke up the next day and morphed into a 15 year old young man.  Really, I don't.  Is this another one of his superhero tricks that he was forever pulling on me as a child?  It must be.

However, unbeknownst to the unsuspecting subject, I snuck in, snapped a poor quality photo with my camera phone as he was getting his official picture taken and snuck back out.  I got the 'thumbs up' through the window that he passed the written exam.  He only took like 35 online practice tests.  He was ready....even though he was slightly hyperventilating and moaning on our way in.  He kept repeating the phrase "oh no".  To make matters worse, as soon as we walk up to the counter to talk to the agent he asks Gavin in all seriousness, "Who was the only President not to get married?"  Gavin is taken back, not expecting this line of questioning and not at all sure if the guy was joking or not (he didn't look it).  He told him, with a half smirk, "I thought you were here to take a test?"  That elicited a smile and hopefully took the edge off his nerves a little.

We celebrated by (me) driving home (he's still mastering the high school parking lot) and having tea and cookies.  The perfect way to celebrate anything if you ask me.

Teenage Speak

I know it's been a while since I was a teenager.  I swore I would NEVER forget what it felt like.  And then I had 3 kids, got a little distracted from the whole teenage thing and yes, I eventually forgot.  But now, thanks to Gavin, we are fully immersed in teenagehood again.  And it's bringing back lots of memories.  Some things don't change over time:

The teenage eye roll (meaning, whatever)

The teenage head shake (meaning, you have no clue, do you mom)

The teenage shrug (meaning, I'm noncommittal about that mom)

The teenage grunt (meaning, yes, no, or i don't know)

Even though several things have remained constant, it seems that teenage verbiage is bound to change generation to generation.  It's just the way things are.  I remember actually making fun of how our parents used to talk as teenagers or any generation before us for that matter.  We were the definition of cool.  We were the bomb.  So it shouldn't come as any surprise to me that I'm being made fun of now.

In my day we were all Valley Girl speak, like, totally man.  Like, where'd you get those rad Z Cavaricci jeans?  Like, oh my gosh, they are way cool!

The word "like" still infiltrates much of today's teenspeak.  It is one of those 'cool' words no matter what the generation.  However, I was recently introduced to what is now considered 'hip', 'groovy', 'rad', whatever your 'cool' word is.  Here is a convo (short for conversation) Gavin and I had the other day:

Gavin walking over to the trash can:  "...that trash, though"

Me: "Are you saying something?"

Gavin, still at the trash can getting ready to empty it: "ya.....that trash though"

Me: "Um.  I don't know what that means."

Gavin: "Mom.  It means, the trash stinks."

Me: "Then say that.  In my world we say sentences that include both a subject and a predicate.  Are they not teaching that in schools these days?  I simply can't talk without one of those things in my narrative."

Gavin: condescending smirk and combined eye roll (meaning I just don't get it)

He even makes fun of me when I try to talk all teenagery.  I summon the voice of Crush from "Finding Nemo", you know, the calm, California cool turtle who's all like, "Dude...that's far out."  I'll start trying to talk like a cool teenager and I'll lower my voice and be like, "Dude...like, what's all that about?"  Which only serves to elicit more eye rolling and head shaking and condescending smirks. He finally broke down and told me, "Mom, whenever you try to talk like a teenager, you do it all wrong. Nobody talks like that.  Ever.  Don't do it.  It's just funny."

So, just for all you other non-teenager types out there who want the low down on how to talk cool, here's the key: less is more (and try to drop the predicate or subject from your sentence to really impress them).

....that blog though.

Amen

Ten Years of Chloe

You are my joy, beautiful and true 

My world is complete because of you.

Your heart of mercy beats with love.

You look out for others just because

You feel their pain and you hurt too.

You come to me and ask what to do.

We talk and pray and snuggle some

Then you decide whats to be done.

Your sensitivity to others is a gift.

May you grow in wisdom 

with how you use it.

Ten years ago, I had no clue

How empty my life was without you.

You teach me and love me everyday

As I watch you grow, learn and play.

You will always be my child, my daughter  dear. 

But our friendship keeps growing year after year.

I love who are and who you are growing to be

May I always remember to reciprocate your love and mercy.

Dancing With God

The other night as I was tucking Chloe into bed, I was giving her her nightly Bible verse..."The Lord your God is with you and He is mighty to save.  He comforts you with His love.  He rejoices over you with singing and He delights in you (and so do I. "- my own little addendum).

Then she asks, "So how exactly does God sing over me?"

"Hmmm....well.  I like to think of it like this:  He loves you so much and you make him so happy just because you're you that it tickles him and he can't help but bust out with a song about you.  Or you could picture it like Morgan Freeman in "Evan Almighty".  I love that part at the end of the movie when the main character and God are talking and then end up dancing.  So you could think of God as Morgan Freeman dancing with you and smiling and completely delighting in you."

One of my constant prayers for my kids is that they really know how deeply, incredibly, unfathomably they are loved. Once they can accept that love and bask in the depth and beauty and magnitude of it, they are free to love others with equal capacity.  You have to be able to receive love before you can truly give it away.  My job as their Mom is to constantly remind them and show them how much they are loved.

Dancing with God...what a beautiful mental image.  Ahhh, be still my heart.  I couldn't stop smiling - neither could Chloe.

Thank you Morgan Freeman for showing such a beautiful image of God.

Thesaurusize This

I think we like to talk too much.  That's the only sane reason I can come up with to justify our latest "game".  Last night at dinner, we didn't solve any world problems, but we did end up playing a pretty exciting game.  It happened out of the blue.  As we were eating Chuck asks all of us who can come up with the most creative synonym for "talkative".  We each gave our earnest input and he picked the person who he thought deserved to win.  As the 'winner', you then got to pick out your own word for everyone to find a synonym for.  See...it just sort of morphed into a game...we didn't even plan it.  Now we can't stop.  We just have to keep on going.  Leaving it go Gavin to come up with a title.  On one of his turns he states, "Thesaurusize This...."  It kinda stuck.  Now we have a great go to game when conversation lags at the dinner table.  I highly suggest either bringing a thesaurus with you or your thinking cap when you join us for dinner.   We take our synonyms seriously.

A Photograph Is A Biography Of A Moment

The power of the photograph:

I Never Cease To Amaze Myself

You would think that by now I would have learned a thing or two in this little experiment called "life". Unfortunately, I am just as prone now to stick my foot in my mouth as I was at the beginning.  Take last night for example...Chloe is the last one at the table still eating (slow doesn't even begin to describe her eating style - think more like distracted eating).  We were all waiting on her before we did our fun family activity for the evening.  Out of nowhere, my mouth opens and words start coming out (if I could have one super power, it would be the ability to think before I speak), "C'mon Honey, you really need to get your 'get on' going."  I said this in all seriousness having no clue I sounded like a complete idiot until Bennett repeated said phrase back to me.  It produced a giggle fest of gigantic proportions. We all laughed until we cried.  Those deep belly laughs are so healing and healthy.  I guess I can take credit for infusing health into our dinner conversation whether through the food I prepare or otherwise.

At the same dinner time conversation another one of my skills was brought before the council.  Gavin says, "Thanks for the banana flavored sandwich and chips and granola bar in my lunch today."  I had no idea I flavored all those things with banana.  And then the reality of what he was saying hit me. Whenever you put a banana in an air tight environment, everything else around it becomes flavored with it's goodness. Things don't just smell like the banana, they taste like it too.  I don't know the scientific reasoning behind this phenomenon, but I do know it's real because this is certainly not the first time I've done this.  We were one vacation once and had packed a lunch tote to bring with us.  We had all kinds of goodies in it including everyone's favorite variety of peanut butter cookie.  Unfortunately, EVERYTHING in the tote tasted like bananas - even the cookies.  What a sad, sad waste of cookies. You would have thought I had learned my lesson after such a catastrophic event.  But no...thus is my life, learning the same lesson time and time again.

And last but not least, another confession to my oftentimes 'clueless' behavior.  I was dropping Chloe off at school like always.  I normally am pulling away and waving to her as she's walking into the building.  But the other day as I was driving off, I didn't see her and just chalked it up to she's probably just in my blind spot, or she got caught up with a group of other kids walking in.  The very first thing she asks me when I pick her up that same afternoon is, "Mom, did you see me????"

"Um.  Yes. I see you."

"Noooo.  Did you seeeee me?!"

"Ummmm....well, I guess not, why?"

"So you're saying you didn't see me slip and fall on the ice after you dropped me off this morning?  I hurt my elbow and knee really bad."

"Did you cry?"

"Well.  No.  But I did go to the nurse to get ice for it."

"I'm so sorry honey!  I looked back but couldn't see you so I thought you were in my blind spot."

"No!  I was on the ground!"

Great!  Just great!  I wonder how many parents witnessed my cold-hearted mothering techniques as I drove away from my little girl as she's sprawled out on the icy sidewalk, unable to get up because of the load of bags in her arms.  I'm just smiling and waving as she's over there wondering why I don't stop, jump out of the car and rescue her.

I have no excuse, answer or justification unfortunately.  Just another clueless day for me, I guess.

Kids Say The Darndest Things

Even though my kids aren't 3 any more, they still say adorable things sometimes.  Take this morning for instance.  Gavin has a choir concert tonight.  This means he has to go to school dressed up in dress pants and shirt and a tie.  He comes up after getting ready and looks like he slept in his dress clothes.  I told him he would have to go back down and iron his pants (I was hoping for the shirt as well but he said it was supposed to look that way, that it has a 'rough' look.  Pick your battles, right?).  He must have known that was coming cuz he didn't even bat an eyelash, he just obediently went back downstairs to set up the ironing board.  He comes back up asking for assistance in ironing his pants. Since he's never ironed pants before, a little tutorial was in order.

He had them lying on the ironing board the wrong way.  So the first thing I did was lay the pants in a way that you would get a great crease along the front of the leg.  He was watching my every move and commenting.  This is exactly what he said to me, "I knew you were supposed to have a line down the front but I just didn't know how to summon the crease."  To which I immediately responded, "Watch and learn my friend, this is how you summon a crease."

His brain cracks me up!

Then as we're eating breakfast this morning Chloe asks me, very seriously, "Mommy, is it vain to write your name a lot?"

"No Sweetie, it's not vain at all.  It's just a very girly thing to do.  I used to write my name on every and anything when I was your age.  It's called doodling."

"Oh good, cuz I like to practice writing it everywhere."

So sweet.

It's How We Roll

It's late Monday night the week of March Madness.  Isn't this what every American family is doing? Filling out our brackets....that is the fun family activity for this evening.

Chloe makes her decisions based on which team sounds the coolest or if she's ever heard of them before.  Bennett's selection process is a little more scientific.  He's choosing based on what the kids at school are saying as well as drawing from his extensive knowledge of teams from having watched at least all the 10 college basketball games during the season. Gavin, well...he's our wild card.  He really hates to do things he knows nothing about (and hates anything related to sports in particular).  I suggested he make this one huge mathematical problem to which he declined.  He opted instead to go with the schools with the weirdest sounding names.  He has Villanova going all the way to the Championship but has labeled them the "Villian" school.  Plus, we bribed him to participate.  We told him that whoever wins the bracket gets a dozen donuts.  That right there was enough to sway his powers of reasoning.  Chloe drew the picture of the type of donut she wants on the back of her bracket as an incentive.

You would be proud of me.  I actually downloaded a whole section about March Madness onto my phone so I could research.  Chuck was actually impressed and used my said download to actually help compile his list.  That is what he is studying so intently in the picture.  I used two separate articles to help me put together the winning bracket.  But to be honest, I went more with my intuition than anything else.  This is absolute madness!  No one can predict who will win cuz this is college basketball and that's the beauty of the game - anyone can win!