Demet

This little kiddo (the one on the right) is just learning how to say everyone's names. At this age (2) it always comes out in a unique, creative oftentimes funny way. It's like they're playing the 'telephone game'. After processing the words they hear the grown-ups say, it comes out similarly, but not exact. That's the joy of learning a new language. 

When these two were playing together one of the days they were here visiting for Thanksgiving, Bennett must have been doing something crazy to get Logan's attention. Logan's reaction was priceless. He stares at Bennett, shakes his head, turns around and starts walking away mumbling to himself, "Demet".  It was hilarious to all who witnessed the event.

First of all, it looks like Logan is beyond such childish, silly play that Bennett is trying to elicit from him. And it appeared as if Logan is shaking his head at Bennett as if he can't believe his juvenile actions, "that kid, when will he grow up?". Then the final straw was turning his back on him and walking away saying his name as if it were a swear word. Too. Funny.

Dat Demet!

Paint Nite

So. Much. Fun! I wracked my brain this year for a creative, fun, unexpected gift for Chuck's birthday (since he always outdoes me in this department) and this is the best I could come up with. And he liked it! He was more of a Monet and I was summoning Van Gogh.

This was held at a local restaurant we'd never been to before. So we arrived early to eat some of the best Italian food ever! With our tummy's happy, we walked over to their banquet room and enjoyed a night of trying not to be anal about our artwork. This was a little more of a challenge for Chuck than it was for me. This reminded me of college and an awesome art class I took. Chuck...not so much. He's used to precision. He's a details guy. Let's just say there was a lot of 'humphs' and 'heavy sighs' going on in the seat next to me. The programs he uses on the computer to make things look good are much more preferred than our own wobbly, mere human hands.

We practiced getting our game face on. This level of creativity requires consternation, uh, I mean concentration. If only I had one of Chuck chewing on his bottom lip...the entire evening.

This is the piece of art we would be plagiarizing as our own after our two hours of agony pretending to be artists. This particular piece is the example we went by. The host of our Paint Nite also painted another of this exact same one step by step in front of us so we knew what to do. She practically held our hands. It wasn't paint by number, but it was close. At the beginning she said, "You have complete freedom. Enjoy."  That's when I lost Chuck.  He said that was too much for him. He wanted more restraints. He wanted a ruler. He yearned for Sketch (his program of choice for drawing and creating). But then he remembered that we were on a date and this was supposed to be fun and not perfect and so he threw caution to the wind and had fun anyways.

These were our finished products. I had a blast. Did I mess up? Yes. Do I care? No. There's no one right way to do anything in my book. The mess ups make this mine and that's what I value. Chuck on the the other hand does care a wee tiny bit more about the mess ups. He just about came undone with his bridge. I thought he would throw his canvas to the floor and start stomping on it. What I love about Chuck's is that it is so true to his design style: it has clean lines, minimalist and lots of white space. I especially like the color of his leaves. 

Art is ultimately an expression of who we are. It is to be appreciated and enjoyed, not picked apart and examined. Art is for pleasure and beauty. Both of which we enjoy in abundance.

My Christmas Prayer

HOPE

that peace will exist

that good will come

that life will improve

that violence will cease

that cures will be found

that hearts will be healed

that justice will be shown

that the sick will be cured

that wrongs will be righted

that the weary will find rest

that relationships will be restored

that our lives will make a difference

HUMILITY

in the way I live

in the opinions I give

in the efforts I put forth

in the words that I speak

in the knowledge I learn

in the wisdom I dispense

in the depths of my heart

in the accolades I receive

in the role I've been given

in my thoughts towards others

in the way I live what I believe

in respecting those with whom I disagree

HELP

for all of the poor

for all of the addicts

for those without hope

for the weary refugees

for those without water

for the children of abuse

for the war-torn countries

 for those who need shelter

for those imprisoned wrongly

for the people who are enslaved 

for those who think they're forgotten

for those who are trying to help all of these

Intervention

These four cutie-pies are the bomb! They are exactly the kind of friends you want to help navigate the oftentimes muddy waters of middle school. They are kind, caring, helpful, funny, and best friends....except for when they're not.

For the past month this little band of sisters has had a spur in their saddle. Nobody could put their finger on exactly what the problem was, but it was very evident that there was a problem. A big one of course, cuz this is middle school and even a tiny problem gets blown out of size to epic proportions. Suddenly all the kindness, caring and helpfulness was disappearing. In it's place we saw impatience, talking behind each other's backs and alienation. It wasn't pretty.

Chloe talked to me about it when she started feeling the discord. I asked her if there was anything I could do to help. She said no. Each day I would ask how things were going and each day they were slowly going downhill. The snowball was growing.

But conflict is a normal part of life and it was important for me to let the girls try to work this out without interfering. But then their teacher starts to notice. The teacher called a meeting with the girls since this little rift was starting to put the whole class out of balance. There was a temporary truce, but no heart changes. Feelings were still hurt. Anger was still in the air. Emotions still raw.

Thank God one of the moms texted me and asked if I knew what was going on and if she and I would like to get together to talk about it. What a brave mom. I'm so thankful for her because she set in motion a series of events that saved these Fab Four. After our little chat we agreed to get all the girls together at my house that very night, we couldn't waste another minute. I had the lovely task of trying to reach the other moms and explain the game-plan. The other moms were rockstars as well and dropped everything to come over to my house with their daughters for operation: SAVE THE FRIENDSHIP.

In effect we staged an intervention. The girls were unable to work through their problems (turns out they didn't know how). The awesome teacher was unable to get to the root of the problem (turns out they were scared of getting in trouble so they just clammed up and didn't talk). So I explained to the moms that my goal was to offer them a safe place to talk and I would walk them through this hard place and teach them how to handle conflict. I spent the afternoon praying about it and was really peaceful when everyone finally got here.

You could tell that each girl was nervous. Each mom was anxious as well but only because they couldn't stand to see this friendship fall apart. They were so gracious to trust me as I held their daughters' hearts in my hands and walked them through this hard place.

The girls and I sat in a circle while the moms sat around the perimeter. I told the girls that they were in no way in trouble (an audible sigh was heard) but that we moms valued their friendship so much that we felt we needed to help guide them through this rough patch. I explained that what they were going through was completely normal and they will most likely have an argument of this magnitude again in the future and we wanted to teach them how to navigate these rough waters. That's what parents do!

We started by going around and each person said what they valued most about each other. Then came the hard part, they had to go around and tell each person what was currently frustrating them the most about each other. I explained that sometimes it's really hard to hear this news. I also shared with them how I react when someone who loves me tells me something hard to hear. I told them it's ok to cry and be sad but also to realize that this person loves you and needs to share this frustration in order to continue to have a healthy relationship. As friends we have to take the good with the bad.

Surprisingly, the second part of their sharing went super smooth. Each girl would shake her head and acknowledge that she was very aware that this was one of her weaknesses (as would the moms). Then they decided on a code word for each girl that they would tell them when they felt that they were starting to exhibit those frustrating behaviors.  In effect, we wanted to empower them to stop an argument before it even starts. Sometimes we have a hard time seeing when we're being bossy, or impatient, or overly sensitive or snappy. That's what friends are for - to help call us out on these things.

You should have seen the smiles all around. You could see the burden come off of each of their little shoulders. Then they started talking all on their own without my asking any questions. They apologized for hurting each other these past few weeks. They talked about how worried each of them had been. They talked about how thankful they were for this time and this safe place to share.

I'm so incredibly thankful for the other moms who showed their girls a healthy way to handle a problem, who took the time to care (even though it was late at night, inconvenient, and unscheduled), and value a friend as much as I do. This was truly a team effort and the girls reaped the benefit.

What a beautiful example of friendship.

Smart Phones and Parenting

      Photo Credit: Sally Anscombe/Flickr Select/Getty Images

I came across this story on Huffington Post today about a mom who did an experiment with her children. She was curious to see how often her little 2 year old boys would turn and look at her while they were playing. Her experiment will astonish you. It will make you humble. It will cause you to think twice before spending any more quality time with your smart phone.

Our children (no matter how old) desire all of us. They want our attention, our smiles, our waves, our claps, our nods of affirmation, our looks of warning, our laughs, our participation. Not only do they want all this, they NEED it. This is how they learn. If not from you, then who? As a parent you are shaping their world by what you do and don't do. What you sacrifice and give them now, you will reap the benefits of later in life with a beautiful, genuine relationship with your grown children.

I've noticed this trend over the past few years. I see parents of little ones looking down at their phones instead of staying engaged or playing with their precious children. What in the world could be more important than that very minute of time with the most treasured gift you have in all the world?! What treasures of time and relationship building opportunities we loose when we are distracted by this lifeless piece of metal in our hand.  It is an unfortunate side effect of having so much technology so close all the time. It is hard to limit yourself.

It's not only a problem that parents with little children are tempted with; us parents with older kids do the exact same thing. It's a horrible message we send our kids. In effect our actions tell them you are not as important as this is right now, I can't be bothered right now. Children learn by watching and then imitating. These kids will interpret the message and imitate our behavior. They will then become kids with their noses stuck in their ipads, phones or computers. It starts with us.

It's easy to blame the technology. It's easy to blame the kids. It's easy to blame society. It's even easier to make excuses. It's hard to own the responsibility. It causes us to swallow our pride, quit justifying ourselves and humbly admit that maybe the problem originated with us, the parents. NPR has a fantastic article that discusses this very thing.

But the wonderful news is that kids are so resilient. Just because it might be like this now, doesn't mean that it has to stay like this. You can change, your kids can change, your relationship will change - all for the better. But it takes being purposeful. It takes setting limits for yourself and your kids. It takes being teachable instead of being an excuse maker. In an age of excess and instantaneous pleasure, it will be hard.

Practice being present in the moment. Right here. Right now. When you're surrounded with those you love and who love you, give them all of you. Giving someone your attention says you're important, I value you, I want you. 

Isn't that what all of us want?

If You Could Get A Tattoo....

This was our topic of conversation at dinner last night. Yes, we really did go there. And the answers may surprise you.

Chuck said he would get a tattoo of an icon. Or maybe many icons all in a row. That's his thing. He makes computer icons (not to be confused with Icons from the Orthodox Church). He spends a lot of time thinking about icons, working with icons, critiquing icons. It just makes sense. He just can't commit to where. Would it be around his bicep like those barbed-wire fence tatoos? Or would he keep adding a new tattoo for each new icon he makes?

Not that this is any big surprise, but Bennett said he would get a massive tattoo of a donut on his stomach encircling his belly button. 

Gavin said if he got a tattoo, it wouldn't show. He would have a large dragon down his back and maybe wrapped around his side. 

We didn't really ask questions because this was all hypothetical. Right? At least I was under the impression this was a hypothetical conversation.

Chloe would like to have her name somewhere down by her ankle. We all found this funny. Like, why do you need to tattoo your own name anywhere on your own person, do you plan on forgetting it? Daddy then informed her that most people get someone else's name tattooed on them. But hey, this is her dream and we don't want to ruin it.

I have actually seen this one on a stranger and complimented her on how beautiful it was. If I ever get a tattoo, this is exactly what it would be. Man...how ironic would that be if the mom of the family was the first to get a tattoo. Totally unexpected. 

                                       

The Circle of Love

This has the hand of Bennett all over it. This is the work of a 14 year old boy, not a 5 year old as you may be fooled into believing. This is supposed to be The Nativity. Obviously I have failed as a mother if my 14 year old son has no clue how to re-enact the nativity scene with figurines. This is wrong on so many levels...let me count the ways in question format:

1. Why are they in a circle?
2. Why have we (and by 'we' I mean 'Bennett') combined two completely different figurine sets?
3. Why are there two baby Jesus'?
4. Why must I tell him exactly what to do every time? When I don't - this is what happens.
5. Why is it on a wooden ledge in the basement?
6. Why is there not a barn anywhere in sight?
7. Why did I ask him to do this?
8. What was he thinking?
9. Was he thinking?

Thankful in Minnesota

Another November brings with it the fun of visiting with the Colorado Mallotts in Minnesota. We packed three days full to the brim. 

On day one we took a trip to Taylors Falls to hike. 

It was a pleasant 35 degree day. 

We kinda had the entire park to ourselves.

We were also the only ones that thought it was perfect picnic weather.

We warily looked over boulders.

We carefully climbed walls of rock.

 

It snowed on Thanksgiving Day. This is the second year in a row our Annual Family Football game had to be scrapped because of the weather.

So instead, we played many games of chess.

We read.

And we read some more.

We cooked our turkey in this oil-less turkey fryer. Obviously, we had to set up a wind/snow block so our turkey could actually cook.

This was the best turkey ever. No more 3 legged, undercooked or overcooked birds or fires for us.

We lounged by the fireplace eating pumpkin pie.

We only encountered one small disaster on this day of Thanks. John backed our car out of the garage so we could place the turkey fryer in the safety of the garage. Apparently, my car ignition is different than his because he kinda forgot to completely turn the ignition all the way off. Once, when Chuck was out checking on the turkey he heard and saw the car SLIDING DOWN THE DRIVEWAY! Not a sight you are typically prepared for. I have no idea why, but he runs out there to save the car in his bare feet. He starts trying to use the remote entry, but it won't work. Then we try inserting the key into the door and it still won't unlock. We are locked out of our car even though we have our keys. Gavin suggested we lay wood behind the wheels so the car wouldn't slip down the driveway any further. Thank God for someone with a clear head. We were all running around like chickens with our heads cut off - well, at least Chuck was. We tried breaking into our own car using a wire hanger (I'm shocked I could even find one in the house). Fail. After several hours, John remembered that he's a member of Triple A. He called them out - problem solved. This guy was able to break into our car for us in less than 5 minutes. Apparently, my car has a safety feature where all the electric systems shut down and it locks all by itself if the ignition is not set in the lock position. That's good to know...ahead of time. 

  

On Friday,we went to see The Wizard of Oz at the Children's Theater Company in Minneapolis.

It was a brilliant performance and even Logan was enthralled and sat perfectly still enchanted by the amazing actors and stage the whole time.

 

We played dinosaurs.

And of course, we played Guesstures...

...it wouldn't be a Mallott Thanksgiving without it.

We thought we'd indoctrinate Logan now - the earlier, the better.

Cardboard Arcade

This past Friday night was Family Fun Night at Chloe's school. The kids have been working on making cardboard arcades for the past several weeks now. Some of the things they came up with were super ingenious. Not only did the families get to enjoy the multitude of games and creativity, the Superintendent and the school board came on Monday and the kids are letting the preschoolers they share a building with come play all the games tomorrow.

This was a great lesson in learning how to work together to solve problems and think outside of the box or in this case - inside of it.

Chloe's group made a game that someone sat inside of and spun a little platform type table in circles. There were 5 different levels of difficulty: Easy, Medium, Hard, Pro, Extreme and Pro. The person playing the game had to choose a level. Dependent on that, the person inside the game would change out the cardboard platform with small spaces in it that spun around (that's what is under the plastic that you can't see very well in this picture). Once it started spinning you had to slide a small, plastic duck down a tube and hope it landed in one of the colored spaces. If it did, tickets would spit out of a little slit in the box. You could then take your tickets to a prize table and buy something with your earnings. It was so adorable!

The whole event was based off of the story shared here about Caine's Arcade:

Absent Minded

I spent my day moving about the house from one room to another. You know how it is when you are preparing for guests to stay with you. Each room had some task that needed to be done. My mind was a blur with activity and thinking about the next thing that needed doing. You start cleaning in one room and before you know it you walked into another part of the house to put something away and now you're working hard in that room only to have left the previous room and it's mess unfinished. You could liken me to a ball in a pin-ball machine; that would be an accurate description. This sets the stage for my frame of mind.

So I found it extremely odd when I walked back in the bathroom to brush my teeth later in the day and found that my toothbrush was not in the toothbrush holder. Hmmm I thought, why would Chuck put my toothbrush there? Of course, my initial thought is to blame him. He must have done this. I would never do something this...this...bizarre. Or would I?

Upon further reflection, I had to admit to myself that it was me. Chuck left for work at 5:30 this morning and I certainly wasn't awake. So we had to rule him out as the culprit. But then that left only me and why would I do something so stupid and non-sensical?

It looks as if our toothbrushes are fighting - like they can't stand looking at one another let alone sitting in the same toothbrush holder together. Maybe it's a Freudian slip. Maybe my mind is on data overload and it couldn't locate the proper location of the toothbrush in time to tell my hand what to do. Maybe I'm just that weird. How many other things do I do absent-mindedly?

I mean, if you think about it, I'm sure you can understand my confusion...two cups, similar in size and stature, right next to one another...it makes perfect sense that my brain was fooled being in the state of mind I was in. Actually, come to think about it, I think my brain was playing a joke on me. It knows how susceptible I am to confusion and thought this might be a fun little prank.

All I know is that our "twilight years" sure are going to be a lot of fun. I better start labeling everything in the house now.

Good Morning Beautiful

This was the progression of the sunrise this morning. Please forgive my phone camera - it didn't know how important this moment was to me and chose to be grainy. My fault for not having an iphone, I guess, with it's superior camera technology and all. But even in all it's un-crisp fuzziness (pretend it's like looking through my eyes without my glasses on) the beauty of waking up today is still captured in all it's fullness. No matter the cold today, it's going to be a good day because I got to behold the splendor of sunrise.

The Injured List

Clearly I can't be trusted with knives.

The past two evenings, as I'm in the throes of dinner preparation, I have not only sliced and diced all manner of vegetables, but also myself. Apparently I have to keep bandaids at the ready.

Do you know how hard it is to cook and/or continue slicing with the thick skin of the bandaid masking all sensory nerves in your finger and thumb? It's not pretty.

This has had devastating consequences on my card playing. If you want to beat me in Nertz, now's the time. Yesterday, Bennett took advantage of my injured state and beat me twice in a card game that required skill, speed and agility - usually an area of expertise for me.

Braiding Chloe's hair - near impossible.

Opening the clasp of a necklace - not going to happen.

Turning the pages of a book - hopeless.

Typing this story on the keyboard - extremely challenging.

Making any more dinner - nope.

I'm on the injured list. If this was football, I'd be sitting on the sidelines. Looks like I'll be joining Tony Romo for a while. We can only hope my family doesn't go on a seven game loosing streak with dinner while I'm temporarily incapacitated.