A Week Later

We got all moved into our temporary housing. We found a beautiful, new apartment complex that offered a townhouse option. We got it set up and boxes emptied within two days.

Chloe colored her hair teal.

Bennett already got injured. He took an elbow to his

 eye during basketball practice at the high school.

Gavin's friend Colin already came out to visit for 2 days. 

They explored every square inch of downtown Fort Collins. 

Chuck has set up his office and is hard at work.

And I've already taken one sunset picture.

I'd say things are 'normal' around here.

See You Later...Not Goodbye

Over the horizon, around the bend

A glimpse of the future, a peak at the end

One chapter is over, a new one begins

No more "what ifs" or "might have beens"

Adventure awaits, we're excited to start

 The old always holding a place in our heart.

It can often be scary starting anew 

Sometimes fear takes a hold of you

Causing doubt to play its sound bite:

"What if nothing works out right?"

"What if I can't make any new friends?"

"What if we're wrong, what then?"

Fear of failure, risk and sorrow

Do not lead to happy tomorrows.

Having a dream and following your heart

Means taking a risk & making a new start

Living a life of no regrets

Doesn't mean there will be no upsets

But those you will learn to take in stride

As you understand the joy of how to abide

With what ever circumstances come your way

The excitement of life is in each new day.

Oh, the things we learned and how we grew
Minnesota we owe you our gratitude
For friends we made and people we met
These are the things we will never forget
For six long years we were more than blessed
With neighbors who were the very best
And family who lived close by
Leaving them behind makes us cry.

The journey of life is full of unknowns

How we react is the choice we must own

Excitement or fear; joy or sorrow

Shapes our attitude and all our tomorrows

I choose thankfulness for this adventure anew

And getting to share it with my favorite people, too

I'll take any path with them by my side

Living life fully with arms open wide

To new opportunities, adventures, and sights

I'm embracing life with all of my might!

Summer Solstice

It's safe to say that the longest day of the year is probably one of our most favorite. And we like to celebrate it by staying outside as late as possible. So this past June 20th we headed out to our favorite lake to spend some quality time outdoors. We took a blanket, snacks (even though we had just finished dinner), the volleyball and my camera. All the important things for a night of fun.

We played monkey in the middle with the volleyball and got really sweaty running all over tarnation.

We played sand volleyball.

We (by that I mean Chloe) did handstands in the warm water.

We captured the sunset well after 9pm.

And we took a selfie to commemorate our love of ringing in our favorite season of the year.

"I Think We Should Touch More"

...says the one who sits as close as possible to me every chance she gets.

...says the sweet girl who was glued to my hip the entire first two years of her life.

...says the daughter who holds my hand walking from one room of the house to another, through the store, down the street, in the car. There is never a time when we aren't holding hands.

...says the one who sits on my lap even if there are open seats available.

...says the girl who cuddles me on the sofa every time we sit down.

...says the sweet girl as she shares my pillow while we lay on the floor in front of the fireplace keeping warm.

Touch is definitely one of Chloe's love languages. I love it. It is not mine, but I am learning. I am actually quite averse to touching for whatever reason - showing affection that way does not come naturally to me. I don't hug people "just because." But my sweet girl (and her Daddy) do. I've learned how to reciprocate and see it as love and not smothering. What a gift they've given me. (Bennett too - he has hugged me as soon as he's waken up every single day of his life, even now).

I am so thankful for the gift of 'touching more' that she gives me. Unadulterated love and affection. I pray I never take it for granted, appreciate it every chance I get, and hope it continues until we're both old and gray. 

Gavin's Graduation

This day was always so far in the future. It was so far away it was fuzzy, blurry, dream-like - definitely not a reality that would be imminently upon us. And yet it was and is and did. It snuck up like all things do, under the guise of "time". We were so busy living, doing the mundane things you do with kids: grocery shopping, playing cards, swimming, vacationing, hiking, carpooling to practices, disciplining, cleaning, laughing, going to parent/teacher conferences. And then one day, we woke up and our boy was a senior. And we were happy.

He is so ready to go out into this world alone. I have every confidence in him. But I don't have confidence in myself to enter a future without him. Not that we won't ever be together, just not in the same way. And that's ok. It's ok to be sad, happy, worried, and excited all at the same time. Learning to live within the paradox of those emotions is what growth looks like. It's what change looks like. And that's a good thing! Not an easy thing. Most likely a very hard thing. But still a good thing.

I'm reminded of a blessing by David Steindl Rast that captures this feeling perfectly for me. It goes like this:

Source of all blessings, you bless us with change - in the seasons of the year, from snow to 

greening, flowering, fruiting, and harvest.  In the seasons of life, from childhood to youth, full ripeness, and sagging. All living things keep changing. May I welcome change as a sacred opportunity to grow and savor in each unrepeatable moment's fleetingness what is beyond change.

The actual graduation ceremony was amazing. The day couldn't have turned out more perfect. The weather was warm with a gentle breeze. All the people who loved him were present and celebrating with him. We had so much family that we took up two rows of bleachers! It was awesome. The speeches were memorable and the sunset - perfect. What more could you ask for? 

I only choked up twice - once when the students were walking into the stadium. I don't know why that got me, but it did. You can see Gavin in this picture. It looks like he's looking right at the camera. He has a white NHS collar on. (Unfortunately, we didn't get any other pictures with the collar because we refused to pay an extra $25 for that privilege. But we know. He graduated in the top 10% of his class with a 4.09. ) The other moment came when a special needs boy crossed the platform to receive his diploma and the whole graduating class of 420 kids cheered for him. I just love that! 

I thought I would be sadder. I thought I would cry. But I was too happy to be sad. I couldn't stop smiling. I was thrilled for him. The tears will come. Thankfully, just not today.

Dandi

This is Dandi - Dan and Andi. Isn't that an adorable moniker?! Andi is my cousin, the third amongst her 4 siblings. She and Dan are high school sweet hearts. This was a precious wedding and one I am so thankful to have been able to be at. 

Chloe and I flew to Connecticut for the weekend to celebrate this special event with Andi. It was such a fun time together. I especially love that we are the same shoe size and we can switch shoes when one of us is having a problem walking in heels. (That would be me. Chloe actually helped me out by letting me wear her wedges. I kept literally walking out of my heels.)

 I am 18 years older than Andi. I did the math while I was there. She was only 5 at my wedding. Wow - time literally flies.

This is at the Hartford Golf Club where the reception was held. It was the perfect day. The setting couldn't have been more beautiful.

Young love - so precious to see. 

Chloe and Kelley dancing the conga line. Chloe was very uncomfortable on the dance floor - so Kelley dragged her out there and tried to teach her some moves. She was exactly what Chloe needed. Kelley is Andi's oldest sister.

All the cousins - minus Jack. I so wish Jack could have been in this picture with us, but we couldn't find him. He was a maniac on the dance floor - so fun to watch! I only wish I could have captured it on video. Boy, does he have some moves!

Distinguished Scholar

Gavin and 30 other seniors were honored with a special banquet at the high school last week. It was to celebrate all seniors who achieved a 4.0 grade average and had taken at least 3 college classes while in high school. The neat thing about the way the event was planned was that the students were actually honoring the teacher that had made the most impact in their lives. 

Gavin invited Mrs. Boeckman, his AP European History teacher. He is also a teaching assistant for her this year. He has always loved history, but the way she taught made him love it even more. It was so inspiring to listen as each of the students stood gave a short speech about their teacher. I so appreciated that even though this was a banquet to honor the achievements of these amazingly smart kids, they wanted the kids to see that they are where they are because they had help from people (teachers) who genuinely cared and passed along their passion to these kids along the way. It was a circle of honor and mutual respect. What a beautiful lesson for these accomplished kids to see - you are where you are because of your hard work, yes - but also because others helped you along the way and you must always remember to stop and appreciate those people in your lives.

Even though we were super proud of Gavin, all we really wanted to do was rush out of the banquet because we knew Rob Bell, our favorite author, was at a book signing in downtown Minneapolis and we wanted to be there so bad! The banquet ended at 7. The book signing started at 7. We zoomed downtown and arrived around 45 minutes late. Apparently, he was still taking questions from the crowd when we arrived. We were so far back that we couldn't even see him, but we enjoyed listening. Then the time came for the actual book signing part. Being at the back of the crowd was in our favor because we were practically first in the book signing line.

Gavin really wanted his picture taken with him. The rest of us were standing on the opposite side of the counter from Rob with the book open. I think I got to say like 5 words to him. Gavin was going back behind the counter to get his picture taken with him. When all of the sudden the helper who was taking the picture herded all of us behind the counter. Everything happened so fast, we didn't realize what was happening. Poor Gavin barely made it in the picture. He was rather salty about the whole incident. The whole fam sort of photo bombed his special moment. 

We had so much we wanted to say to him and thank him. But we were being rushed out by his assistant. I guess the 100s of other people all wanted the same thing and there is only so much time in a day. But it was the perfect ending to a wonderful and memorable evening.

This vs Next

Let me tell you a little story about driving with Bennett: it's hard. The end.

Actually, he's quite a good driver. But he has a little problem with the words: 'this' vs. 'next'.

As in, "Bennett, please take the next left."

"This one?"

"No, the next one."

"Which one is that???" (panic setting in)

"It's the next one after this one."

And around and around we go. Over and over. Isn't that the definition of insanity?

As always, Brian Regan has a perfect skit to capture this madness: This is my real life people!

Prom 2017

How did this....

morph into this.....?

seemingly overnight? And now, as it rightly should be, someone else steps in and stands by his side.

Morgan, a sweet girl from Gavin's Mock Trial team (she asked him to prom). Two future engineers. Two friends, enjoying a fun night out together. 

They were part of this larger group of friends going out to dinner at Doolittles and over to Target Field for a night to remember. Somehow, Gavin found himself in a group with the Prom King - a fun person to hang around on this special night.

Their awesome Principal, Jason Berg, was at prom with his senior class tweeting live videos and pictures from the event. I was actually SHOCKED to see my boy, who does not dance (at least in my presence) actually dancing in this video. So happy for him!

Serenity and Sun

As I walked down this stairs yesterday morning, I was greeted with streamers and a beautiful homemade "mom" sign. My heart was already full with love, now it was beginning to brim over. I thought Chuck had made it, since I went to bed before him the previous night. Come to find out, Chloe set her alarm to get up at 3am to do all this for me, bless her heart. She wanted to surprise me. That she did.

Homemade cards, signs, gifts, ideas are my very favorite. They mean more to me than bought items (although, I also appreciate items that cost money). I had to beg Chloe not to make me breakfast in bed for Mother's Day. I don't understand why this is a 'thing'. But I know that her and her daddy love to make breakfast in bed. And I'm not a huge fan of eating in bed. This is the first time I have been able to make this request without her breaking down into tears. Success.

After beholding love made with streamers in my kitchen, I decided to spend time laying outside in the hammock until everyone else got up. Peaceful doesn't even begin to describe how it felt to lay out here for an hour with only the sounds of birdsong to accompany me. 

There was the slightest breeze and every so often these wind chimes with gently sway making the most angelic sound. Did I mention how perfect it was outside. The sun, the unseasonably warm weather, the serenity, the gentle sounds of nature. My overwhelmed heart was bursting with love. I couldn't imagine this day getting any better.

And yet it did. We spent it, yet again, in Stillwater, one of my favorite places in Minnesota. We've spent at least 3 Mother's Days here over the past 6 years. This place just draws me in. Maybe it's the adorable Main Street; or maybe our favorite burger joint - Leo's. Maybe it's the magnificent views of the St. Croix River or the San Fransisco vibe you get from being in a town built into cliffs. Maybe it was the Stillwater Stairs written with kind and encouraging words.

Not only are the views amazing but the smell! Oh my goodness! Those lilacs are intoxicating! Their aroma makes you smile even if you don't want to. They are such a happy flower. Their fragrance wafts through the air sprinkling it with happiness this time of year. 

The best part was the sign my 15 year old son bought for me (see, I do like bought gifts). I'm the luckiest mom and wife....so thankful for this life.

Letting It Go

Can I just say how incredibly proud I am of this kid right here?! He just blew my socks off last night. He came to tell me something that he learned as he was tucking me in last night (yes, the roles have officially reversed). My heart melted.

The last six years have been tough on Bennett. He never really found any friends. He never fit in with the boys on the team. They never truly accepted him, included him, or befriended him. He's felt like an outsider the whole time we've lived here. The upside to that is that we have an awesome relationship and he loves to hang out with us. The down side is that kids his age want and need to hang out with friends their own age. It's a normal part of growing up. 

My heart has broken as many times as his after witnessing, time and again, the exclusion, the rude comments, the unfriendliness, and the disrespect he's put up with on a daily basis from people he has to spend a lot of time with. What's a parent to do? How are we supposed to handle that? What can we say that will take away the sting, the pain? Not much. 

But Bennett's heart has been growing. He's been listening intently to the lyrics of his beloved Lecrae. He's been taking to heart the Rob Bell podcasts we listen to each week. He's devoted himself to serious meditation. And all this sensitivity of heart, mind, and soul has produced a kid who has chosen to let go of the hurt and learn from the experience.

For a long time he's been understandably bitter and angry at these boys (and a few teachers). He let it affect his attitude, his self worth, his enthusiasm for life. But not anymore. Yesterday he had a revelation and couldn't wait to share it with me.

"Mom, I've been thinking. I'm not going to be mad at these people any more. I'm going to forgive them. I'm going to choose to learn from this experience instead of hold on to the anger."

And then he showed me the list of people he'd created and how he wrote next to each name: "I forgive you for.... " and "Because of this, you've taught me....". I don't think I could have ever come up with something so brilliant to tell him. He's letting the resentment go all on his own. No one talked him into it. No one shamed him for feeling a certain way. No one told him it was the right thing to do. His heart was ready and he saw the benefit in it all on his own. 

What maturity. What a sensitive heart. I respect and admire and love this kid more than words can say. He is my inspiration.

Adventures in Obtaining a Driver's Permit

Can you believe this kid is actually old enough to legally drive on real roads with other humans? He recently finished driver's ed and was excited to go to the DMV, take his permit test, and be issued his new driving permit. We had it all planned out perfectly. The kids had a day off last Wednesday, it would be the perfect time to go to the DMV. There is always a long line. Plus, you have to be sitting down at the computers by 3:45pm or you don't get to take the test. All tests have to be finished by 4:30 when they close. So there's a bit of a time-crunch factored into this. 

We arrived at the DMV at 2:20pm. We go to fill out our paperwork when all of the sudden Bennett asks, "Mom, did we bring the blue piece of paper?" By that, he is referring to that small blue square pictured above. It's issued from the Driver's Ed School to prove he took it. It is a required piece of paper along with two forms of identification. "No. We do not have the blue paper." I responded with a sigh. We immediately walk back out the door and head home to retrieve it. The thing is, it's thunder-storming outside. We live 20 minutes away. We have to be back in line and be taking the test by 3:45. We're both feeling the stress. 

So in order to be efficient, I have him filling out the DMV form on the 45 minute drive back and forth to our house and the DMV. We retrieve the magical blue square of paper. I drive like a maniac through the downpour to get him back in time to stand in another long line. It's a race against the clock at this point. We arrived back a little after 3pm. We wait in line for 20-30 minutes. Whew - we made the cut-off. But he is so frazzled by this point, he chokes. He ends up failing his permit test. He was devastated to say the least. The lady at the desk practically yelled to the whole room, "SO, YOU FAILED, HUH?!  YOU'RE NEXT ONE IS FREE BUT AFTER THAT IT WILL COST YOU $10." He sees a kid from his school at the front of line, also waiting to take his test. He just witnessed Bennett's humiliation. Bennett nods to him, hangs his head and leaves the room utterly dejected.

Somehow word had spread about his failed attempt and the whole school knew about it the next day. He was told he was like the only kid to fail the permit test in the whole school. He was able to laugh about it that day. He took all the joking in stride and actually thought the whole scenario rather funny.

He then proceeds to spend the entire weekend actually reading the driver's manual and being quizzed by Gavin, Chuck, and me. On Monday I take him out of school at lunch. We repeat the same scenario: drive 20 minutes away, wait in an interminable line, and hope for the best (this time we had all the necessary paperwork with us the first go-around). Less than 5 minutes after I sit down to wait for him, he's waving me over with a wink and huge grin. He passed! He only got 2 wrong this time. He was beaming with pride.

He likes to credit his first failure with the bad omen of forgetting the all important blue card. Everything went downhill from there. He was so nervous he couldn't even think. Plus, he hardly studied the manual and was primarily going off what he remembered from class. He learned that studying is his friend. He most definitely learned from his failure and ended up finding humor it in all.