Today will definitely go down in my memory as one of my favorite things. I read a friend's blog the other day that totally spoke to my heart (take the time to read it - it's amazing!). I shared it with Chuck and asked if we could somehow find a way impart this beautiful lesson to our children.
Since we're such a visual family, Chuck came up with this document so that the kids would be able to see it, read it and understand it a little easier. We sat at the table after breakfast and had the most wonderful conversation. Here are examples of what the kids came up with:
The thing that struck me was that in being fair, you're still considering yourself and your needs. But in being generous, you do things without regard for your own welfare and only for someone else...you totally trust God with all you need and you give, without abandon (big love), all you have. Be it time, money, depth of friendship or possessions. This is a concept that can appear difficult for children to grasp. But during our breakfast conversation, we realized that they really do "get it" even in their childish understanding. Since it's hard to read these, I'll interpret for you:
Bennett said:
Jesus showed generosity to: sodgers (soldiers) by: ok you can kill me and i won't kill you
I will show generosity to: mommy and dad by: sharing my rase trak (race track)
I will show generosity to: bapchie & gadsiu (his great grandparents) by: giving a card with some mony
...then, on his own, he added three more 'generous ways' on the back of his paper....
I will color Chloe's casul for 2 days
I will clean mom and dads dreser
I will let Gavin chose what star wars eposode to play after his week
Chloe said:
Jesus showed generosity to: chloe by: giving me a mommy and daddy
I will show generosity to: everyone by: smiling to people when they talk to me
I will show generosity to: gavin and bennett by: cleaning the boys' dresser for them
Gavin said:
Jesus showed generosity to: his followers by: useing his God powers to heal people
I will show generosity to Bennett by: playing whatever he wants on the star wars game for two weekends
I will show generosity to Chloe by: playing barbies whenever she wants this week.
Besides the obvious - we all seem to have issues keeping our dressers clean - I think they really thought about what would mean something to the other person. Looking for opportunities often helps us look outside of ourselves. It seems so easy to see what we need and hard to see what others need. All we can do as parents is plant the seed in our children (and hopefully model the behavior) and trust God to grow it in their hearts and lives.
"Dear God, thank you for such a pretty day. And thank you that none of us are dead yet."
This is repeated any and every time he prays, be it at dinner, lunch or bedtime. I guess we should be thankful to be alive...I just never thought of wording it in that way.
Bennett has been bitten by the email bug. He asks to email everyone he knows multiple times a day. He LOVES it! He will even come tell me, "Um, Mommy...have you checked your email lately, I think you might have an email" all while grinning slyly and trying not to let me see. This doesn't help my email addiction either. Anytime my email indicator shows I have one, I'm on it like white on rice...I guess that's kinda rubbed off on Bennett a little. But it's not that he loves to email, its what he emails. They are hilarious! I've kept them exactly as they have been written so you can enjoy the pleasure of true phonetics.
Here's one to Daddy of the "high-school girl passing a note" variety:
daddy are you mad? you act mad right now are you well iny wase i love you ;) ;) love your gratefull son bennett mallott if you need me email me or come to my room or the come pouter and i will ma bi be there
Grandma and Bennett can go back and forth multiple times a day. At first, he didn't know about the whole automatic spell check thing...but then, he realized that those little, squiggly red lines under almost every word mean something and he figured it out on his own.
hi grandma i jist want to say happy crismis.....then we progress to....oh um oh ya stay warm grandma ok i love you as cold as it is ok love yu burr that's wy ok (this is his "funny man variety")
Seems the Christmas spirit has won Bennett over this year. I guess he wanted to share a little Christmas carol with Grandpa via the internet...Hi grandpa i jest wanted to say jingle bells jingle bells jingle bells jingle all the way I LOVE YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much oh i love you VERY MUCH
Even though he sees me 24/7, he still finds it in his heart to email me. He's everywhere now. hi mommy i jist wanted to give you a email merry Christmas and thank you for letting us go to chuys and I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU... and you are so beautiful email daddy ok love bennett
But the most amazing emails are the ones sent to his own brother...now that's an email addiction! They sleep in the same room, they eat at the same table, they learn in the same house, yet he feels the need to email him? I'm baffled. stay warm ok gavin what super hero are you and remember are police job's on are star wars game ok love bennett mallott at email . com jist kidding
Watch out...you never know when you might get an email from Bennett!
This is the one, single most important thing I've learned since becoming a mommy. The other is...it means nothing if not done in love.
I remember actually being angry when I first brought Gavin home from the hospital when I realized I would have to actually wake up in the middle of the night...not just once, but multiple times...to feed him. Learning to sacrifice little things like sleep was how it all started.
When I brought Bennett home from the hospital, I learned about sacrificing time with Gavin. He and I used to have the time of our lives together. And now, suddenly, I had another little guy who needed more of me. I couldn't give as much time to my buddy anymore. But we both grew for learning how to sacrifice time together. Our love grew and we enjoyed our time together more because we treasured what we got.
As Chloe joined our family I learned yet again more sacrifice...I didn't know it came in so many forms! I learned to sacrifice my expectations of what having 3 children would be like and what I would/would not be able to accomplish with so many little people needing me at one time. With her, I also learned to sacrifice my personal space. I know that sounds corny, but I can feel smothered quite easily sometimes. For the first two years of her life, she was permanently attached to my hip. Looking back, I miss it now. But then, it seemed to sap all my energy...never being able to put her down for even a minute.
In our marriage, Chuck and I view time together as one of our most important love languages. We treasure those special moments of just 'us time' where we can laugh, play, talk, take a walk, share our deepest desires...alone. The more children in the house means more people with constant needs. As a mommy, my job...no my desire...is to meet those needs and provide a loving, nurturing environment. But it comes with yet more sacrifice. My time with my bestist friend is now sacrificed and squished into a few precious few moments a day.
Homeschooling is synonymous with sacrifice. I never chose this road, it chose me. I never set out to do this on purpose, it was the journey God knew our family would be taking. It is a path filled with extremes for me: extreme delight in watching my children learn and getting to spend time with them throughout the day cultivating a deeper relationship; extreme exhaustion getting materials researched, prepared, organized; extreme thankfulness in having the freedom to live in a country where I can chose this educational option; extreme frustration on days when I feel incompetent to handle all this. Daily, my time is not my own.
Lastly, all these 'deep thoughts' have been prompted by my husband's increased traveling due to his job over the past few years. Right now, he's out of the country for 10 days. For me, that's huge. I'm used to him spending his 8-10 hours of work a day huddled in the corner of our bedroom over his desk, in what we call his office, working from home. I know I'm spoiled. This set up works wonderfully for our family. But it also costs. We just take the good with the bad and make the most of when he has to travel.
Yesterday, I began to feel a twinge of self pity at never getting a break from the kids; having to be 'on call' 24/7 while he's gone; never getting any 'alone time'; having to do the jobs around the house, that we typically share, all by myself. Then God gently reminded me of Romans 12:1, "...God has shown us great mercy, I beg you to offer your lives as a living sacrifice to him. Your offering must be only for God and pleasing to him, which is the spiritual way for you to worship."
Then it dawned on me: sacrifice is an honor. It is my gift to God. Sacrifice is not putting my needs first, but the needs of others. It is love. Wasn't he the epitome of sacrifice? Wasn't he the epitome of love? If by sacrificing, it draws me closer to him...then bring it on. If sacrifice means shedding my desires in order to show love and it impacts another life...I'll do it willingly.
I often feel like I don't have much to give. I don't have many talents. I'm just a mom. I don't have some astounding gift that can impact the world. But I do have love and now I know that love can't help but sacrifice. It is WHO love is. If this tiny scope of time of having to 'rough it' alone with the kids while Daddy is gone is showing worship to God, then I do it with a smile on my face.
It could be so much worse. I'm not a military wife having to send her husband off to war not knowing if he'll return. I'm not a single mother who has no end in sight and lives in exhaustion. I am not alone. I have a husband who sees and appreciates my sacrifice, unlike husbands who require it of their wives and beat them or verbally abuse them when they don't bend to their overbearing expectations. I am not from a culture that demands and expects submission and sacrifice. I am not a missionary stuck in a foreign land without my husband.I am blessed to have family and friends who sacrifice their time to show me love and make sure the kids and I don't feel lonely during this time.
Simply put...I am loved. Love sacrifices...joyfully.
Here is a quote from Mother Teresa that expresses sacrifice beautifully, "A sacrifice to be real must cost, must hurt, must empty ourselves. The fruit of silence is prayer, the fruit of prayer is faith, the fruit of faith is love, the fruit of love is service, the fruit of service is peace."
Today, at the end of another day in a long line of days of Chuck being out of town, the kids and I sat down to play a delightful little game of Yahtzee. I thought that would be a nice little way of doing something together before bed. Even though we've been 'doing something together' all day, that didn't count, it was only school.
Games with the kids really aren't my 'thing'. I can't stand the way my kids sit there clueless each and every time it's their turn to go and they don't know until I nonchalantly yell it at them. Then there's the constant noise level and commotion; movement that I seem to be extra sensitive to after a long day of constant noise and movement all around me.
By this time in the evening I like quiet, peaceful activities...like reading a book maybe. Too bad for me, cuz at this time in the evening for the kids, they prefer such fun activities as wrestling, rolling on the floor, singing at the top of their lungs and playing crazy songs on the piano at the loudest possible level. "Mommy look at this...", "Mommy watch me do this...", "Mommy come here real quick so I can show you something...", "Mommy guess what superhero I am right now. Want to know all my powers?..." bombard me all at the same time.
When Chuck is home, this would be the time of day I typically retreat back to the solitude and quietness of my beloved bath and recharge as he enjoys playing with the kids. But no...there is not meant to be any solitude for me while Chuck is away. And I'm okay with that. I know my weaknesses and have been begging God to for his grace to be sufficient in me daily. I need to just push past this 'sleepy time' in my brain when it would prefer to shut down and focus inward instead of continuing to give to the kids in these sub-optimal conditions (at least for me).
Yahtzee was progressing as all other games normally progress for us. Chloe insisted on rolling for me. Whenever she shook the container holding the dice, she seemed to always shake one out of it and then she had issues getting them all out onto the floor. She preferred to drop all the dice out at about 3 feet off the floor which resulted in us spending a majority of precious time looking for the missing dice. Gavin couldn't make a decision to save his life. He didn't know which one was the right one to make. Cuz afterall, you could possibly make a wrong decision in this game and it ruin the rest of your life. So, he kept asking me what he should do...which play was the right one. Then there was Bennett. He had a blank stare on his face the whole game. Every time he rolled he counted all the numbers on the dice and wanted to write the answer somewhere. Nothing I said to him was registering. Oh ya, and I had a migraine.
So...as you see, conditions were not optimal. I could sense myself getting a little, shall we say...perturbed, irritated, annoyed. I took a deep breath and asked God to please be my patience right now and help me just enjoy this precious time I get to spend with my kids. And guess what...He did. :)
At the exact moment the prayer left my lips. Mr. Clueless Player looks at me with his sweet, little grin and says, "There's something about you Mommy, that other Mommies don't have...". As I'm waiting for the punch line, I just knew it was going to be something like...a lack of patience, the ability to play a game and get irritated or snappy with her kids...or something sarcastic along those lines.
But instead, he tells me something I knew in my heart I didn't deserve, but he showed me grace anyways..."you're the lovingest, kindest, givingest, most appreciative Mommy." Gulp. I didn't deserve such an outpouring of love at this moment...yet that's what he showed me.
After a few more crazy turns with the dice he comes out with another one. "There's something else about you other Mommies don't have...you've got the best husband." His timing is impeccable. We've all missed Daddy and knew that this would normally be something we'd be doing with him if he were home. So, I decided to do what Daddy would do...I showed Bennett love the way he likes to receive it. I reached over, pegged him down and started wrestling with him. I licked him all over his face like a dog, tickled him all over...it was so much fun. And I did it, headache and all, because...His grace is sufficient for me.
Today, in school, I decided to teach the kids a different take on Thanksgiving. Meaning...I wasn't just going to sit down and read the same old story. I wanted to get to the heart of Thanksgiving. I started by asking what character traits both parties (by that I mean Pilgrims and Indians) exhibited.
They stared at me blankly.
Okay then...let's try another direction. So then I asked, "Do you think the Pilgrims and Indians really wanted to sit down and eat together? Don't you think they were scared of each other?"
Mmmhmm.
The audience participation part of this lesson isn't going according to plan. As I'm mentally scurrying to reinvent this lesson so as not to loose any participants, Chloe raises her hand and politely says, "Um, Mommy, this is too hard for me. So, I'm just not going to do this, okay?" I decide to 'pardon' her and excuse her from having to delve into the depths of her brain and pull out a story related to the character traits that surround the original story that is Thanksgiving. I should have just surrendered then...but like an idiot, I trudge on hoping that just one of my children can tell me what a 'character trait' is.
I go on to explain how the Indians exemplified mercy to the Pilgrims and how the Pilgrims in turn showed the Indians great trust even though they were probably terrified of them. I just introduced two key vocabulary words and was hoping that the boys could expound on those a bit more, so I ask another question. "How would you feel if you were the Pilgrims?"
"Sad and hungry."
Oh really...that about sums up all character traits. I'm thinking no one is into this lesson but me. What am I wasting my time for. (It is vital to input here that homeschooling doesn't always go the way you want it to. Some days are awesome; others feel as though you're talking to a wall.) So I just dispense the assignment and hope for the best. I asked each of them to write a Thanksgiving story but to highlight the character traits that Thanksgiving is known for.
Bennett is all over that one. Finally, something he can understand that I'm talking about it. He rushes down stairs and immediately gets to work on his story. He starts with:
1 day a pilgrim died and a Indian said we shooed help them they are ding so they went over and said 5+5=10.
He can't wait to show me his progress and even beckons me down to come look at it right away. He's cracking himself up. Instead of showing the internal seething I'm feeling at the moment as a bad homeschool mom who obviously cannot get across the seriousness of the first Thanksgiving, I play along and ask him, "Why does he tell a dying man what 5+5 is, Honey?".
Bennett can't believe he has to explain, "Because he wants to make him laugh." Duh!
He later went and edited it to show a little more seriousness and the graveness of the situation...but I think I personally like the first edition better. Who knows, maybe there was a personality like Bennett at that first Thanksgiving.
If you were a fly on the wall in our house the past few days, these would be a few of the conversations you may have heard:
Bennett: "Mom, every time we drive past a house, I think to myself 'I wonder how different my life would be if I lived there'?"
Me: "Wow, Bennett, that's a deep thought. What do you think of next?"
Bennett: "Then I think, 'what is 2 take away 2'?"
Me: Hmmmm. I don't know what to say now.
Me: "Hey guys, guess what?! Mommy and Daddy get to go dancing tonight!"
Chloe: Eyes huge as saucers, and with a gasp as if she just saw Cinderella herself exclaims, "You're going to a ball???!!! Oh Mommy, can I please pick out your gown and your clackity heels?"
Me: Knowing I was about to burst her bubble, admitted that it was just country western dancing and that you don't wear gowns there. But, I did promise that if I ever go to a ball, I will definitely let her pick out my gown!
Chloe: The let down of the century.
Gavin: Offering to pray before dinner, says, "Dear God, thank you that I am so good at the piano and please help this food be good. Amen."
Me: We obviously have not discussed prayer etiquette in this house yet.
This past weekend, Chloe and I were blessed to have a "girls only" weekend. It was awesome. I can't remember that last time her and I spent so much time together. What a difference time together makes! We didn't have any agenda other than to have fun together. The only thing we had to do was go to her last soccer game (where she made another goal). We shopped till we dropped (not really buying, just looking). She loves to go to the mall and I rarely go there. So we walked all around the mall and finally came to LibbyLu's. It is a very girly place where you get your hair all made up, buy sparkly clothes and jewelry - pretty much a place the boys would never step foot in. Chloe wanted to buy some dangly clip on earrings with the money she brought - but opted for this instead:
getting her ears pierced!!! What a big girl thing to do! I was so surprised that she wanted to and thrilled that she actually did. The funny thing was, she was just talking about it earlier in the week saying she was going to wait until she was a mommy before she ever got her ears pierced (I think maybe my flashback horror stories of my experience may have erroneously put negative thoughts about it in her impressionable little mind). It was such a fun, girly thing to do together and memory to share on our 'girls only weekend'. We also had a pajama party and watched an old Doris Day movie before going to bed.
I'm so thankful she wants to be like me, dress like me, have 'fparkly earwings' like me. Its fun being twinkies!
Well...I knew the day would come eventually...I just didn't know Bennett would only be 7 when it did. After a whirl-wind weekend visiting with his newly married Uncle, Bennett came home with some news for me. He was sure to lavish me with much love before he dropped his bombshell. "Mom," he said real sweet with a little grin on his face, "you're beautiful. I mean, not as beautiful as Aunt Karen. I mean...she's REAL beautiful. But, you are loving."
That was it. I have officially been dethroned. But of all the people to loose my title to, I'm thrilled Aunt Karen will now be taking over the title of "Most Adored by Bennett". She is a sweetheart AND beautiful!
I may not be beautiful any more...I'm just glad I still have loving going for me.
You would have said these three things to me within the past 48 hours. You would have also said a multitude of other, equally important things, but my brain capacity only holds 3 important items at a time.
1. "Mom, my goal in life is to count to 1 million. I'm at 20,600 so far."
My pride level is swelling at this very moment. This is an intimate look inside his brain. I can only imagine what his next goal will be. And trust me, there will be a next goal - just not until this one is accomplished. He hates to do more than one thing at a time. When this is done, he'll think of the next most important thing in his life he'd like to accomplish and go after that.
2. After entering a large gathering of people and singling out the lone other boy in the crowd, they begin immediately playing together. This baffles Gavin, but he goes with it because of his immense love of play. Once the event is over he confides in me, "Mom, this boy wanted to play with me even before I had a chance to become acquainted with him."
Maybe, just maybe, I'm having Gavin read one too many books written in the 1800's. Just a hunch.
3. He delivered this note to me as I was getting ready for the day. It read: "Note to my Mom - open now. Hey Mom, did you know that I get 365,000,000 dollars a year because I'm paid 1,000,000 dollars a day just to be a genius!?"
I was about to launch into a speech about humility and boastfulness when he informed me that this was all in Gavinworld. In Gavinworld, he always refers to himself as 'the human genius'. I'm trying not to read into this one. I'm focusing more on the fact that our spelling is greatly improved, that he put his commas in the correct place when writing out the millions place value, that's he's doing mental mathematical calculations and that he has ample self esteem. This is actually very ironic, because in 'the real world' where the rest of us live and Gavin sometimes decides to join, he is very humble, non-boastful, a little clueless, quiet (in front of others) and very helpful (when asked). This is directly opposite of his 'Gavinworld' persona. In his diametrically opposed world, he's everything he wishes he was here, I think.
I'm beginning to think I like the sound of that. I might just escape into 'Cori World', become the person I always wished I could be and invite others to join my world periodically. What a safe little haven that would be. I wouldn't even have any imaginary friends or anything. Why isn't it as cute when adults do that? Don't we call that 'mentally unstable'? On second thought, I guess I'll just stay here in 'reality' and wait and let God change me here instead. Maybe Gavin can witness God's work in my life and realize that he doesn't have to escape to his world to be perfect...that we're loved just as we are right now and that our whole lives are a work in progress.
This morning we woke up after sleeping in the tent, Bennett went to the restroom and upon further review of himself in the mirror announced, "I think I should look better than I do."
